Your Wat Simulation Instructions

Trip Start Jan 31, 2011
Trip End Dec 15, 2011

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Flag of Thailand  ,
Wednesday, August 17, 2011

19:05 Your home simulation guide to a meditation retreat in a Thailand monastery.

1) wake up 4, go and sit in a room (for 5am) with flies plaguing you and chant (or not because it's so hard) praise to Bhudda sitting cross legged. Don't forget that you should pretty much sit cross legged for at least an hour. This seems to be enough for you to lose all feeling in your feet and legs and give you chronic back pain.

2) once the chanting is done continue to sit for at least another hour trying to meditate but actually trying not to fall asleep. You won't be feeling your legs anymore again.

3) it may well be nearly 7 by now so go and find a brush and start sweeping the yard for 20 mins.

4) 7.30am breakfast. No toast for you today, sorry, plain rice please with some green veg and a banana. No tea either... a glass of water. Please serve your meal in a prison style tray- you know the sort with little compartments for each item, next go and find a cold tiled floor to sit on. Unlike meditation when you can sit on a vaguely padded mat, not for meals. sit barefoot on the floor, probably cross legged again, with your tray in front of you. Wait 10 mins whilst the monks get their food, arrange themselves then chant. Now attempt to eat this meal, which is likely cold now, in the most comfortable fashion you can find -which does not involve pointing your legs out straight or lying down, this is not allowed. You'll most likely find that having your ankle bones dig into a hard floor for more than 5 mins makes you want to make you chop your feet off, not to mention the ongoing back pain which if you have a bad back will not make it any better. Don't talk to anyone.

5) it's probably 8am now so you can sneak back to bed for a snooze. Did I say bed? I mean floor. Find a concrete floor and roll put yer camping mat and fetch a blanket and a very hard pillow. Have a snooze.

6) try and wake up at 9 and then continue your day of sitting or walking whilst only thinking about the present moment. All of this may be slightly uncomfortable.

7) 11am, ah lunch, see step 4 for identical instructions. Enjoy it because that's the last you'll eat until tomorrow at 7.30. You will get hungry later but NO eating! Ok!

8) 12-1.30, maybe go and have another snooze? Or walk about in the garden?

9) pretty much till 6 you have to try and meditate now. Again, sitting till your legs go numb or walking like you're in super slow motion is fine. No talking, just 4 hours of observing yourself.

10) 6pm, go back to the temple and chant a bit more, then the monk will tell you a whole load of stuff and you might ask the monk a load of questions and get difficult answers.

11) could be 7 or 8pm by now. Try and meditate some more if you haven't lost the will to live, (which you can tell I have)

12) 9pm go to your camping mat and attempt a restful sleep. Don't forget to set your alarm for 4.30ish and do the whole thing over again....times as many days as you're willing to put up with it. I said 7, I wanted to go after 3 days, even more after 4....
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