I wholeheartedly realized today that there is no better time to leave than now. There have been several acceptances on my part about the people who surround me and the reality that bites me that aren't and never have been to my liking. I guess that when you're so used to things as they are, you don't question them because there is no other option...you just go with the flow. With our trip only 6 days away, I have come to terms with these facts and realized how blind I have previously been.
It's not easy to accept one's mistakes, but it is important to recognize them to be able to move on. I certainly don't want to leave with any excess baggage on me, so this is a hell of a good time to acknowledge certain events that have disheartened me, and people who have disillusioned me.
I feel I am now ready to embrace the world in a blank state of mind, clean of anything that might have curtained my sight or poisoned my will. I am ready to meet people that might have a genuine friendship to offer. The reason for my catharsis is this:
I started off the day with what one may call gossip about a close friend of mine. Having confirmed these facts to be true I was appalled and saddened by the sudden realization that I am not only completely powerless but also meaningless within this specific relationship. Certain memories all started adding up and what had seemed like a beautiful everlasting friendship, now only seemed like a distant thought. Just as people change relationships fade with them.
Later on Ed and I had lunch with a painter from Salta, a beautiful northern province of Argentina. His transparent manner and his naturally disinterested style made Ed and I open up to him completely, feeling radiantly affected by the new friendship that was brewing. We talked business and then about our trip and what was programmed to be a one-hour business lunch, turned into a four hour conversation about life, love, and friendship. He talked with such intensity about his land, about his plans, and about his projects, that Ed and I secretly fed off this sprouting energy. It was one of those bonds that lambently marked our smiles for the rest of the day.
It was this encounter that reminded me what great people there are out there, in the time I was feeling most discouraged about friendship. To me it was the perfect example of the concept that life removes but also rewards. Ying-Yang. Equilibrium. Balance. Centrality.
I fiercely believe that every malicious act you do returns to you sometime or another, and even though I refrain from harming others at all costs, this does not mean that I am exempt of harm from others. So as I feel I lost someone today, I feel I gained a lot in some different form. Be it wisdom or valor, inspiration or a new friendship, I am equally richer. It's not what you talk about but who you talk to that makes the difference.
With this in mind, I have closed one of the many chapters that help me leave Buenos Aires with a lighter head and a happier conscience. This is just one of the many ways that I have learned to cope with change as part of The Preperation.
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