The Deus Ex Machina

Trip Start Feb 10, 2006

Trip End May 31, 2006

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Flag of Argentina Buenos Aires, Argentina
Thursday, May 4, 2006

I've had to quit jobs a few times in my life but, with a few differences here and there, in essence it's always the same routine. You sit across from your boss in his office, he listens attentively while you blurt out the speech you so delicately and eloquently prepared in your head for weeks. All the keen and witty phrases and ideas you had come up with all come out wrong and you start to get a bit nervous when you notice he's not getting it. So you end up saying what you're there to say ("I quit") with a few quick and painless compassionate reasons to embellish the situation. In your mind you always fantasize on how your boss starts kicking and screaming and threatening to jump out the 18th storey window if you don't stay, but of course you always end up with the disappointing it-was-nice--to-have-you-on-board pat on the shoulder while he's walking you out.

This time around, I had no speech prepared, I had no witty comments nor did I choose a particular time to break the news

00 Correo Central Building

. I had no plan whatsoever on how to quit my actual job. After all, did I really need to elaborate and build up my "I'm going off to travel the world so I'm quitting" speech? That single sentence was more than enough.

So with all confidence and delight I strutted up to me manager's office. We started with some quick chit-chat since he had just flown in from a training program in Miami. When my turn came to talk, I suddenly burst out in tears. No explanation for it, no preparation was given, I just started crying. I sat there in total embarrassment trying to explain why I was crying and why I had come to see him in the first place but in between tears and a severely crackled voice, I took a breath and told him I was leaving to go travel the world.

After the words finally came out, he looked at me perplexed. I quickly understood the reasoning behind that look on his face so I made it clear that I wasn't crying because I was sad to go travelling around the globe. I was crying due to the emotional state in which I found myself. So many changes and good byes are hard to cope with all at once and although the reasons may be positive, the emotions are still there and I suddenly felt drained.

01 Inside the Building

At that moment I quietly cursed myself for letting my emotions explode in the least advantageous situation. My boss was quick to understand the reasons for my blowup and smiled warmly. We started talking about my plans and his face lit up instantly. He immediately congratulated me on my enterprise and told me that it was one of the best things I could do with my life.

Feeling contained although still sniffling, we went over some technical aspects of my resignation since I was to stop working a month from then. From his office I walked over to the HR's managers office and went through the same process again. The crying went on and she offered some tissue while she told me how perfectly understandable it was to be sensitive and emotional during a life-changing experience such as this one, especially if I had no plans on returning to Buenos Aires.

I walked out of the floor feeling completely embarrassed but also a lot lighter. I had gotten a very important part of the whole plan over and done with, and I had been contained by two of the managers in MCI Argentina that I had most liked. I felt I was walking out and leaving the door open behind me and it felt very good.

03 Signing of the Telegram

Three days after that, Ed and I went to the Central Postal Service to send our resignation telegrams as instructed by the HR manager. This was definitely an important occasion so Ed brought along his camera to remember the event that would most probably be the sole trigger of our ride; more so than the buying of our plane tickets and even more so than the selling of our belongings. By sending this official legal telegram saying that as of May 31st we resign to our responsibilities in the Company, what turning back could we do after this?

I was and still am very emotional and sensitive, and sometimes I can't even stand it. I even asked myself if so much crying and nervousness was a sign from my subconscious telling me that I was making a big mistake, that I should stay in Argentina and live the life I was living. But the more I thought about it, the more I became convinced that this was my time to leave, and that the tears that now are always so latent are mourning the life I am leaving behind.

So maybe the weeping in my managers office was not only due to the fact that I was resigning to the job I had strived so hard to get, but also due to the termination of a life that was made up of so many people and moments prized in my heart. This Deus Ex Machina event has comforted me immensely during the times I begin to cry for no apparent reason. I weep not because I feel lost, but because I let go.