The Reflextions
Trip Start
Feb 10, 2006
1
26
32
Trip End
May 31, 2006
Buenos Aires,
Argentina
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Having studied Design and Art History for so long, I was pumped with pictures and images of art throughout history in different places of the world. Most of these images represented something far away and impossible, and if I ever thought about being able to appreciate some textbook work of art up close, I didn't think of it being in the near future. I just didn't think it possible I would be standing in the Vatican looking at the Sixtine chapel, as I had done many years ago, with my parents, anytime soon again. It was a far away dream I never conceived as immediate. The breaking point was when Ed showed me that not only was it possible, but also that it was tangible NOW. All I had to do was want it.
And so I began to scrape away at the facade that I had built around me for some years, of a life I did not really want and one that was not exciting for me to plan. In previous logs, I have written about how I never really had any dreams and projects for my future. I had always just moved along with situations and opportunities that came along, trying to find my place.
I can't stress the importance of this decision in my life, to leave everything as I know it and finally find my place. I don't mean a physical place but rather a state of mind that would lead me somewhere. I found out who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. For some people that may mean changing jobs or getting married, for me it meant deciding to go travel the world. And most importantly, with someone I love. Now all I can think about is the unordinary life I will be leading, the good times and the hardships to come.
I lived 8 of my teenage years in South East Asia with my parents, and when I left I always said that a small piece of my heart was left behind in that part of the world. Now I know that I have the chance to go back and reclaim it, but this time with Ed. I am very excited about travelling there with him and showing him the culture I practically grew up with, the habits and the languages I spoke, the unbelievable places I went to. I want to show him the part of the map that is so important to me. I want to take him to the parts of Europe that are burned in my memory for its beauty and its history. I want us to go to places neither of us have been to before and discover them together, in our own private intimate way.
And all this, which once sounded far away and impossible, is now in the verge of becoming all true. And it doesn't depend on the situations and circumstances life throws at us, it all depends on the willingness and desire we put into it. I can't imagine what will happen out there, the best case scenario is that years from now, Ed and I get married and form a family in a place WE chose as our home. Worst case scenario, we split up and either have to come back and retake our lives as we left them or individually plan out something else. I am not a dreamer; I know life is no fairy tale and that the things you want for your life don't always come true. I do believe however that if you want something bad enough and work hard to get it, you're on the right track.
There's a scarce month and a half before we leave, and since we've made our choice back in January, so many things have happened that I did not plan or want, but I did stick to my dream, and bit by bit I'm making it work. For me. For my time. And I have a feeling that in my deathbed I'll think of these as the golden times in my life.
