The Decision

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Trip Start Feb 10, 2006 Trip End May 31, 2006 Next
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  Buenos Aires, Argentina
Friday, February 10, 2006

"You only loose what you cling to." - Buddha

Had someone told me a year ago all this would be happening, I would have walked away in disbelief. In disbelief because I never planned or even imagined this turn-around at this point in my life. By this "turn-around" I mean everything : the decision, the project, the change, the emotions. Just like the Chaos Theory in which the flutter of a butterfly´s wings can cause a hurricane in the other side of the world, I feel somehow a spark was lit not long ago, and that spark is now presenting its changes.
In the past year I have grown and matured unbelievably, and I feel the changes inside and externally. I had always thought that if you had no real aspirations for the future, no dreams or plans, you would never be disappointed if they didn't´t come true. I have learned in a very short time that it is important to have something intangible to cling to and use that as your fuel, to make it transcend and reach a state of happiness or contentment until you find other goals to fuel you up. I also learned that you and only you can make things happen, and expecting and waiting things from other people or destiny itself means not respecting yourself or your capabilities and traits. Instead of watching life pass you by waiting for something better is throwing time and youth away. I learned that reason and logic are the enemy of the heart. That knowing what you want and going after it no matter what gives you the best rush any drug or adrenalinic experience could. That's what a big part of life is....funny you hear people talk about this all the time but you never really understand it or see it until it's your turn.
And it is now my turn. That's why these small sparks that have lit up inside me were begging for a change and that's how the decision came to be final: I am leaving my life as I know it here in Buenos Aires, and leaving with my boy for an adventure.
We're not particularly looking for something better; if we wanted comfortable life-styles we would have stayed here, with our good jobs and nice apartments. We are truly content with the life we have in Argentina, but suddenly it was not enough. And the urge to explore and see and learn and drift became greater. My best friend used an analogy I simply loved: leaving the anchored ship on the dock of a nice island and taking a small boat and steering it into the vast ocean.
I also learned that sometimes taking control of your life 100% means hurting and disappointing people close to you. You've been living your life as other people expect you to for so long that suddenly a change in course can cause ripples which affect others in sometimes negative ways. My intention is not to discomfort or worry others with the ripples of my own change, but at the risk of sounding selfish, it's my life to live. I was recently told I was making a big mistake. I simply answered that a mistake cannot be considered an error until the aim of the premise has been reached and the result can be contemplated. A smart-ass answer, yes, but simply the truth. And in the simplest of cases, it will be my mistake to make and my mistake to learn from and no one else's.
I know I will be faced with many challenges. Finding temporary jobs which will help me move from one country to the next sounds fun and exciting but I am sure it can be stressful and sometimes bleak. I think the main challenge for me though will be knowing myself...discovering me. Finding out if and how I can change the things I don't like about me and exalting the traits I do. Seeing how I can relate to strangers in strange lands in perhaps adverse situations and learning a bit more about myself everytime.
Another challenge will be keeping my short but intense relationship with Eduardo afloat out there. He is my partner, my best friend, my confident, my role-model, my teacher, my student, my lover. Keeping US alive and making sure we evolve as a couple is one of my aims.
The greatest and most fulfilling aim will be the learning experience from getting your feet wet with different cultures in a way different from the leisure trips I have taken around the world. I have travelled plenty but I don't quite think I will learn quite as much this time around. The very essence of this trip does not connote the word "leisure" this time around.
As for the plan, there is no specific plan except start out in Palma de Mallorca, Spain and see where that leads us. I love that. I have been taught since I was really little to plan ahead and program your life as best you could. Study a career, get a job and create a family. That is truly not what I want right now. Settling down right now is not my idea of living. So not knowing which country I will be in and doing what in a year is very appealing. we also have no specific time limit....our trip could last 6 months or 6 years.
The way I see it, things can't go wrong for me out there. They simply can't. Not with the expectations I have. And the expectations are simply trying it, living it and learning from it. Even in awful situations and with the prospect of hard blows life can give you, one can acquire the necessary knowledge to keep you from tripping over the same rock. And that knowledge can be used in Spain, India, Australia or in your home city of Buenos Aires-Argentina.

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