Namaste, father.

Trip Start Oct 30, 2007
Trip End Ongoing

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Flag of Thailand  ,
Saturday, February 21, 2009

Namaste, the Hindu/Yogic greeting, meaning "I bow to you" (Nam- I / As = bow / Te = you) is actually an acknowledgment of the divine spirit that resides within all physical beings. When we say "namaste" we actually say something like "The divine spirit that resides within me (or 'that in my source') salutes and acknowledges the same divine spirit that is within you".

I say "namaste" often, both externally (out loud) and internally (silently) to beings on my path, as it reminds me to see the interconnectedness of all that is. I find it to be a humbling practice, especially when I notice feelings of superiority or inferiority rising up within me. It helps me see myself within the other person and the other person within me. It helps me see the infinite possibilities within myself and the other. It brings the relationship I have with the other to eye level.

I never said "namaste" to my father. From my perspective, we have bounced off each other the "I'm not good enough/I'm better than you" ball throughout our relationship. His disapproval of me was alway retaliated by my disapproval of him (often without speaking a word). We never stopped playing that silly game. Almost as if we were trapped within it.

So maybe now it is time to take a breath and release us from this trap? Maybe now I can reconnect with my father by accepting his life and journey as the beautiful and unique expansion that it was? Maybe now I can see him as the same divine spirit that is also my source, coming to the physical domain to expand in the way that it did? Maybe now I can finally allow him to be whatever he was and is, regardless of his disapproval of me?

Knowing the widely different intellectual capabilities my father and his father had, my guess is that his father was also disapproving of him. Maybe it was the beginning of a pattern, maybe a continuation of one that exist in our lineage for many generations. Regardless, I am choosing right now to stop this game of disapproval. From now on I choose as my intention to think of my father as a divine manifestation like I know everything is. His manifestation in the physical world and his interactions with the divine manifestation that is "I" have moved me to become the person that I am right now and I do like this person that is me right now, with the ever increasing awareness I choose as my path.

Maybe with a different father my path would not have led me to the adventurous and fascinating life that I currently live. Maybe with a different father I would not have such an interesting and complicated relationship with men.

Namaste, father. Thank you for being my teacher. Thank you for guiding me to intentionally choose what I want to manifest by showing me what I do not want to manifest. You and I are two different expressions of the same divine source. And while we may appear as physically identical, we certainly have chosen different paths to explore and expand within this physical world. And Oh, how lovely is that!

In the yoga class today the teacher passed a bowl with inspirational notes. The one I randomly picked said: "As I master I recognize that I must let everyone be who they are with a total acceptance. I am comfortable within myself, no matter what."

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