Agama Yoga- First Impressions
Trip Start
Oct 30, 2007
1
77
99
Trip End
Ongoing
Koh Phangan,
Thailand
Thursday, January 15, 2009
The island of Koh Phagnan, famous (some would say notorious) for its Full Moon parties, is also the home of several yoga schools. One of them, Agama, is the reason for my arrival to this island. Having studied Tantra on my own, I was interested in expanding my knowledge by joining a Tantra Yoga school before continuing on my journey to Morocco. All my internet searches kept on pointing towards Agama, and based on their website, it seemed like it would be a good idea to come here. So here I am.
The school is the work of Swami Vivekananda Saraswati, a charismatic and remarkably knowledgeable man of Romanian descent which I'm finding somewhat intimidating. The teachings here revolve around an in-depth study of the chakras (energetic structures) system. At least in the first few weeks there is a lot more theory taught here than any physical practice. In the first Month Intensive curricula a new asana ("seat", "posture", "position") is introduced daily where students learn the new asana's technique, effects and benefits. The focus is on the 'moving of energy' (whether "telluric" -earthly- or "cosmic") through the body, often via one or more of the chakras.
Sounds like gobblygook? It gets better! The instructions include phrases like "Notice expansion of the consciousness in the subtle planes", "Note the free flow of fluidic energies in the neck", "Focus your bio-magnetic energy", and "Focus your attention to perceive distention and relaxation in the area of the belly, purification of the energies in the abdominal area and the expelling of toxic energies."
Since for the most part I do not feel any of the sensations they describe (or have the faintest clue to what they are talking about) I often find my mind residing in "I'm not good enough" or in "Do they seriously expect me to understand this?", or just drifting to other subjects. From conversations with other students I gathered that some actually do get certain sensations on a physical or emotional level while others seem to patiently wait for it to happen (I met one student who has been practicing for three months and still hasn't felt anything. A devotion I cannot see myself harnessing any time soon).
Since experiences vary tremendously from one person to another I wonder if all of this chakra system is completely suggestive. After all, no scientific studies ever proved the existence of chakras, and in my eight years of practicing yoga I never had a spontaneous sensation in any chakra. On the other hand, I never really made the effort to systematically note effects of different asanas on chakra centers.
To make things even more complicated, I've noticed some weird physical and emotional sensations since I started this Agama practice; Emotionally, I find myself gravitating more and more to an unexplained state of complaining and dissatisfaction. Even though my life here is pretty simple and relatively comfortable, I find myself clinging to pointing out where things are not going well. This is certainly not a new state of being for me, but in the past it would happen in between periods of feeling content, grateful, and appreciative. Moreover, the general tendency for me in the past few years has been to be happier than not. Nowadays, even with proactive intention to gravitate towards appreciation, I don't seem to be able to get there. In fact, I am noticing a lot of ugliness coming up in me, making "me" not like "myself" so much these days ("Not good enough!", "Not good enough!!","Not good enough!!!")
Physically, I had some strange experiences. For several days I had a dull yet powerful 'ball of pain' in the middle of my chest, in the exact location of the heart chakra (Anahata), accompanied with a strong sense of dissatisfaction and a desire to eat chicken (which is no longer in my diet). Not strange enough? One day during a Manipura (Solar plexus) meditation I felt the same ball of pain in high intensity in the area above the naval, right between the belly button (where this school claims the Manipura chakra to be) and the base of the sternum (where other schools claim the Manipura chakra to be). The pain was so intense I had to place my palm on top of the area to calm it down. The next morning, seemingly out of nowhere, I found three small burn marks in the same area!!!
Is it a process of purification of sort? I do not know for sure, but I'm certainly feeling plenty of negativity pouring out of me. I'm not sure that I believe or understand what "purification" is all about, but it is certainly a buzz word in this community, so maybe it is what is happening with me.
So, while I've already started inquiring about other options, for now I am staying put. Although the Swami told us not to blindly believe anything they teach here but rather to see for ourselves, some of the teachings here are pretty dogmatic, which I seem to instantly reject. On the other hand, I'm also noticing the positive impact of the practice here; the pain I had in my right ankle since twisting it in Cambodia almost 10 months ago is completely gone. The swelling in my finger that I had for 7 months now is finally going down, and my upper spine is more flexible than its ever been. On top of this, some of the teachers here are deeply and exceptionally inspiring. So for now, my intention is to complete the First Month Intensive and intend on focusing on being present. The remainder of the path will unfold on its own, I'm sure.
I'm reminding myself (yet again) that sometimes the best gifts are not wrapped in pretty paper and maybe, just maybe, this somewhat acidic-looking presentation is a gateway to a path which will enlighten the rest of my life.
Comments
gateways
Dearest Yorron,
As I am reading your last travel pod blog I am so reminded of my shamanic training and how difficult it was for me for some of the same reasons you had mentioned.
two things come to mind:
1. gateways are always difficult and are often manifested in physical pain.
2. when not having a clear believe on a practice that you have to perform like seeing energies, imagine! Just imagine that you seeing or feeling it. You'll be surprised how your imagination works in the same way as seeing and feeling.
At the same time I can't tell you for sure that all that stuff you're learning about is real. All I can say is that I relate to the difficult place of not knowing and how important this place is for growth.
This is from my heart dear friend as I struggle with not knowing just as much.
All my love,
Hagit.