Yorron's travel blogs:
- THE JOURNEY WITHIN: Using unfamiliar destinations as... 2007
- Blogless travels 1982
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Loneliness 101
Entry 16 of 47 | show all | print this entry |
"There are no strangers here. Only friends I have not met yet"
(Anyone knows who said that?)
A few entries ago my friend Shaffer posted a comment sharing with me the intense loneliness he experienced when he was on a trip similar to mine. At the time I got the note I could not identify with it because I just ended the segment of the trip where I traveled together with Sean and then met Sabrina.
Things changed a few days later when Sabrina and I parted ways. Yesterday evening I walked on "Lonely Beach", backpackers' mecca here in Koh Chang, and I felt very lonely among the hundreds of others who were very involved with conversing among themselves. I thought of Shaffer and the comment he wrote.
Intending on exploring the unknown I decided to spend today contemplating loneliness. Why do I feel lonely? When do I feel connected? At Burning Man I discovered that I was never lonely. I kept of venturing out by myself, without my group, and discovered repeatedly that wherever I went I met new friends and had new wonderful experiences. Why is it not happening here? I felt lonely on the bus to Koh Chang, I felt lonely yesterday. What's up with that? Buddhist and yogic teachings tell me that I'm interconnected to everything. Why can't I see that now?
I was thinking about times where I don't feel lonely. I noticed that I have an immediate affinity to those who share an identity with me (family name, nationality, sexual orientation) and that I want to connect with people who share these identities with me. This wanting only increases when I am a minority in a larger group and find another minority member nearby ( i.e; a fellow American traveler in Thailand, another gay man in a straight crowd, etc.)
I contemplated the nature of my identities and realized that I (like everyone else, I think) was bombarded with identities from the moment I was born: gender, race, nationality, name, last name, family relations, etc. As I grew up I adopted additional identities such as religion, sexual identity, likes and dislikes, etc.
These identities, I think, are like "umbrellas" that we use to "protect" ourselves as we journey through this physical world. We embrace our identities because they give us a sense of belonging and connectedness to others that we long for so much. However, these identities also separate us from all others who don't share them. This perceived separation, I think, is the source of the feeling of loneliness.
To remedy loneliness we stick around "identity umbrellas"; we collect friends to count on, deepen our family relationships, find a life partner, etc. At the same time we separate ourselves from everyone who does not share an identity with us.
All of this, I think, comes from a very basic fear of separateness, which has us look at the world from the perspective of "I versus others". To ease the fear we find "partners" to help us feel connected. I would like to change my perspective and to let go of clinging to my own "identity umbrellas". I would love to see myself connected to all physical beings. I think I'll start by reminding myself that "There are no strangers here. Only friends I have not met yet"
Latest Comments (5)
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Re: it's a cycle (reply)
Jan 14, 2008 03:40 EST by yorron
The more joyous I become, the more I lovingly interact with the beings around me. That means that I smile more often than I ever used to, which means exposing myself to a variety of responses from others: Some return even a bigger smile, others are suspicious of my intentions, some ignore and some frown. My goal is to lovingly smile and appreciate all regardless of the response.
Of course, I o... show all
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it's a cycle (reply)
Jan 9, 2008 03:15 EST by kdynamic
travelling alone is, to some degree, all about finding your own cycle of being social and being self-contained. Sometimes you feel like reaching out to people, and sometimes you don't. I find it interesting to take a look at myself and try to understand where I am in that cycle, and be ok with it. I know that 'alone in a crowd in a strange land' feeling all too well... sometimes it's frustrating a... show all
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Re: ! ! ! NICE SENTENCE ! ! ! (reply)
Dec 30, 2007 02:40 EST by yorron
No,it's not mine. I saw it on a calendar and loved it so much I kept saying it to myself whenever I entered an unfamiliar environment. It is amazing how helpful it is.
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In reply to:
I like your sentence:
'There are no strangers here. Only friends I have not met yet'
IS IT YOURS?
GOOD!!!
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