Its Mangos, its midgets, its madness

Medellin - "Its Mango´s, it´s midgets, its madness"

01 - Annalissa, Mona, Jurgen and me pre-Mango´s

As the four of us farewelled Colin as he headed for Bucaramanga (home of the hormiga culona, a large ant that is fried and eaten) we jumped on a night bus for our 16+ hour journey to Medellin. The danger of the night bus in Colombia is not random strikes by guerillas but freezing to death on what is effectively a refridgerator on wheels, an air conditioning system you as the passenger have no control over whatsoever. We settled in for the movie which in true Colombian fashion consisted of lots of guns, a high death count, lack of dialogue (in this case a french movie with Spanish subtitles, Suburbia 13) and the occasional sex scene. The little kids could not get enough of it!

02 - Medellin, where money and poverty mix

Whatever arrival time you are told at the bus staion add about 2 hours to it an you will be on the money, so it was that we rocked up in Medellin around 10am having left Taganga the afternoon before. And when you are feeling like crap, your taxi driver has no idea where he is going (each intersection saw him step out the cab and ask someone else for directions) and every place is full, well it is time to learn Hebrew and head to the Casa Jerusalem. This was a little touch of Israel in the heart of Medellin, all signs in Hebrew which makes spanish look like a walk in the park...but hey it was a bed in a dorm which was better than the last two places.

03 - You would want to get on with your neighbours

As a setting Medellin is amazing...a city of two plus million people set in the deep Aburra Valley with the centre in the middle and vast slum barrios perched all over the surrounding slopes. It´s most famous resident and one time politician was the man Pablo Escobar, the USA´s most wanted drug baron for many a year. And even though he was gunned down by his own his face adorns many t-shirts, thanks to his take from the rich and give to the poor ethos. He did however kill a shitload of people and for that reason I doubt would have ever been invited on Colombia´s Dancing With the Stars. Then again Pablo dancing the cha-cha-cha would have been worth watching...I hear he was very light on his feet!

04 - Medellin can sure be graceful when she wants

Medellin also has its own Metro system, which costs nothing to use, is free of graffiti, a floor you could eat your dinner off and it connects to a cable car which takes you up the hill overlooking the barrios, giving you a completely different perspective of life in Medellin. Staying in the wealthy part of town you are fooled by the cash, dress, plastic surgery and general whiteness of the locals. They have made a point of not mixing with either blacks and indians and it really shows. While in the upmarket shopping centre to see Halle Berry and Bruce Willis in Seduction of a Stranger I could have been in Spain or another Mediteranean city. And while on the subject, that movie has the most convoluted ending in cinema history. Avoid!

05 - At 25 cents, all part of Medellin transport

Back to Medellin, apart from the rain (and lots of it) it contained a nightclub that demanded attention...Mango´s. Having been told by everyone to visit, and being Saturday night what other option was there. A real United Nations headed first to Zona Rosa with Canada, Oz, Norway, Spain and Ireland represented, but we were a man down early on as Daves stomach cramps led to his early exit. With no expectations I had a mental picture of Medellins premier nightspot containing a lot of polished metal, too cool for school locals and really annoying electronica music. Well what a turnup as we headed for the entrance out in the burbs and were greeted by a wild west theme...cowboys/girls at the door, accompanied by midgets, yes midgets dressed in camoflague gear. Title of the email makes sense now I guess! Sure it was expensive to get in and drinks were not exactly standard Colombian prices, but what price do you put on Mango´s...a strip club, masquerading as a nightclub, masquerading as a circus! Whats not to like!

06 - City of 2 million people down there somewhere

The place was packed, the music pumping was salsa, merengue with a few western tracks thrown in and everywhere your eyes went was a visual feast. The bars were not really to buy drinks from but for the Mango´s dancers to strut their stuff, and what stuff they had to strut. I was convinced that there was a plastic surgeon on standby in case some of the silicon needed emergency attention, not to mention the dislodging of a butt cheek or two as the girls shook them into submission, Shakira style. And girls, you were not left out as the guys were there in force accompanied by the real stars of the show, the midgets here in the land politcal correctness forgot which can´t be a bad thing can it? And man, could those little girls and guys dance with Jurgen having just the video to prove it!

07 - Who said waterfront views had to be expensive

And when your eyes needed a rest from the podiums there was always the one armed guy, dressed in a hospital gown, dragging a drip attached to a pole around to grab your attention. The toilet contained saddles (don´t ask) and just when you thought things were dying down, there was the 3am dance-off, kicked off by the midgets sliding down the fire poles, proceeded by the rest of the crew (about 15, 20 including the little guys and girls) and it was on for young and old. When the wallet could take it no more it was back to our hebrew hideaway in the burbs of Medellin, with the sun due up very soon.

08 - Dave and me waiting for the metro to roll in

09 - Dave more than meets his match in Medellin

10 - Divide between rich and poor never so stark