Knocking On The Door
Trip Start Feb 21, 2007
51Trip End Ongoing
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It's been some time since I've written anything and, in truth, it's because I am on a journey so personal I would rather really feel it and absorb it than write about it and analyze it. I'm closing in on the end of the road here, in a certain way, even though it's still just the very beginning of my new journey. Becoming a parent is such a new thing to me and even though I've still got the babe in the womb for another 4-6 weeks, I've already become a parent. I've had to love and nurture the baby through my own actions and in taking care of me, I've been taking care of the babe since the very beginning. It's been surprisingly easy-and I don't think I've ever been healthier in my life! Though, I have to admit, now more than ever, in the onset of the heat of the summer, I am looking forward to a few very frosty, cold beers sometime later this year!
So, on goes the journey and the wondering how I will ever have the space inside me to accommodate this (still) growing baby who is as tenacious and fiery as ever, letting me know, without any doubt, when he's uncomfortable, or when it's too loud for him, or when he wants me to move around b/c sitting is just not comforting to a little one! It's pretty amazing, the messages he's been able to send me! And still, he's getting more and more persistent to the point where I have to wonder if he's starting to knock on the door! He's unyielding and steadfast, flexible yet decreasingly so because he is running out of room! He pushes up with his feet, deep into my ribs, his little head down, just waiting for the opportune moment in which he will, no doubt aggressively and wholeheartedly, bust his way out into this beautiful world. ( I'm hoping for a nice, fliud swan dive here!) And during this time I talk to him, rub his little back through my belly, tell him stories and confess to him how much I already love him.
As I await the moment of truth with great anticipation, the thoughts going through my head have been never-ending. Not worry nor fear nor uncertainty, but wonder and amazement and happiness. I can hardly wait to start teaching my son about the world and the beauty in it. I can hardly wait to tell him that the best parts of life come from focusing on the positive things, by accepting the things we can't change and by looking, with new eyes, every day, at the unfolding world in front us. I'll teach him to be the best him he can be. That no matter what, he is going to make a whole hell of a lot of mistakes, but that's what will shape him into the wonderful person I know he will be. And with those mistakes, as long as he isn't hurting anyone else, will come the best lessons he'll ever get and learn from.
I hope he inherets the wanderlust we have and yearns to travel and explore the world, just like both his mom so fiercely does. I hope he is born with an innate curiosity of what's really out there, and the determination and intense curiosity to find out himself. I hope he is instinctively caring and kind and compassionate and honest. I also hope he has a great sense of humour and also dignity, and, especially strength in the face of adversity. I believe that travel is the best teacher, yet balance is important too. Balance is the key to the world, to life itself, and if he manages to be even somewhat balanced, I'll be one proud Momma.
PS, I promise a photo soon even though I'm pretty massive! :)