The Path to Dreams

• Wakingdream's Profile
• About this blog
• Entry from Guelph

Trip Start Feb 21, 2007 Previous
Entry Trip End Ongoing Next
Entry

  Guelph, Ontario, Canada
Friday, May 25, 2007

There have been times ( alot of them!) that I sit and wonder what the hek I am really doing here, in my life, in this life. I am very sure there are alot of you who feel the same way. And likely it's not just been one or two times, but more in certain intervals of your life and many times over. I guess there are people out there who don't really think about things that deeply and in some ways I can understand why. It seems to complicate things.

Sometimes I feel bad b/c I know that I have alot more opportunity than some  less fortunate people in the world and I guess when I'm not really gunning for things I want from life I feel like I'm wasting it. This is a cyclical process though that I've been going through for...well for awhile on and off.


This last two years has been pretty monumental for me and it continues to go this way. There have been alot of changes, alot of new things to get used to and alot of changing feelings going on inside. Alot! Things seemed to be going fine and then BAM! Something goes terribly wrong. Then BAM! something wicked happens and I start to think, 'okay, things aren't as bad as they seem!' and then as soon as I think that then BAM! Some other really shitty thing happens! Don't get me wrong, I have learned to fight in the face of adversity. I struggle, I strive and I know that at the end of every struggle there has been, so far anyway, triumph. Jer and I have grown into a pretty great team (with lots of prcatise!) and we stay positive in the light of hard times There have definitely been hard times, but without hard times, there wouldn't be good times. There is a ying to the yang in every aspect of life.

Moving on. I have been slowing dying inside working in an office environment for the last year and a half. Before that things worked out so well that we were able to travel every year for extended periods and make it work quite well. Mind you, there's always a trade off and I worked many seemingly endless years as a bartender which certainly has its down-sides, as does very job I guess.

Since we moved into the house I have felt terrified of being stuck here in Guelph and becoming one of the 'Minivan Majority' which is so not me. Not a daily basis where I'm evidently freaking out all the time or anything, but on a deeper level, a sort of hidden fear.

 Though my hopes are always up, I had to face the possible reality of not being able to live as the free spirit I consider myself to be. That's probably been one of the hardest things I've had to deal with. Maybe that sounds like a sob story, but when you feel trapped ( likely by your own doing but still...) there's no worse feeling then not being able to live how you know you were born to. It's like a dull pain that doesn't go away.

Sometimes it's hard for people to understand the compromises people make in marriage. You just don't realize the affect those compromises can have on you until you have to make them and often you really don't want to make them!  "Building a life together'  can come in many different forms, but true aspirations and dreams don't happen over night so you make a plan and you work toward it. Together.  Work hard. Well, we've been working hard and it seems that someone is now smiling down on us b/c man, has our luck changed!

After a year of building our house Jer was ready to get back to work. Unfortunately for us, the housing market here took a major dive and there was no work for him in is field. He's got a PhD in Genetic Virology and often I tease him to go back to it b/c we would then have no financial worries! He doesn't buy it.  He's a builder now, and a damn good one, which requires a decent if not good market. Living on one income has been hard but it was a worthwhile sacrifice for sure. He's been looking the last few months to no avail and then, here it comes.....BAM!  Wicked news! He got a fabulous job renovating a historical building downtown ( which is about 5 minutes drive from our house) and  he got a really unbelievable wage forhimself and his crew!  He's worth it though and this guy knows it. He just found out that the guy who is funding the project is hoping that Jer will work with him on other renovation plans he's got in his sights.

The job he's currently doing was only supposed to be until September and now it looks as if things will go on into the future. Could be the start of a beautiful relationship indeed.

This brings me to the last but best part. A couple of weeks ago I applied and got a job writing for a multi-media company out of Seattle, Washington penning travel guides. I was ecstatic and excited and just over the moon really. Then reality set in, as it tends to, and I realized that it might not be the best time as Jer had just gotten this job and in the beginning things seemed iffy on a number of fronts. I couldn't really take a job for a bit less pay. What if this job didn't work out. What if, what if...and then back to square one only making less money! Argh! I would die all over again inside to have to give it all up.

I went on a sort of emotional roller coaster. The job would be a dream for me. Work/travel. Travel/work. I could work from virtually anywhere!  I could work from home! I would be learning specifics about the world, people, culture, geography, biodiversity etc which I find completely fascinating. The whole notion was just way too romantic. The reality is the job is a tough one and the writing has guidelines and well, it's ALOT of words per week but I do like a challenge. And besdies, it may not be The Job but it could lead to other things. Who knows. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Anyway, it's funny how things work out, isn't it? My only worry was about the timing, and as we all know, sometimes Timing Is Everything. That was just way too true in our situation this time 'round. Now it looks as if Jer has made the best career move and I can take my dream job. He has a few months off a year if he wants, and now that I can work and travel, lightening the load on the road ofcourse, we now face the beautiful reality of being able to travel 3 months of the year, every  year! Or, who knows, moving somewhere else all together! The possibilites now seem endless, not cordoned off by the responsibility of remaining here.

I am giving my notice today. I can't get the smile off my face.

PS I only spell check this site. Here, I write for FUN so don't expect any sort of 'professionalism'  from me!

Love you all.

Print this entry Share Guelph hotels

Previous Entry Next Entry