In a really nice tranquil town
Trip Start
Jun 11, 2008
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Trip End
May 14, 2009
Luang Prabang,
Lao Peoples Dem Rep
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Anyway, we got down to a riverside place called The Thaheuame Restaurant for breakfast at about 11.30. It felt good devouring some dead animal meat whilst watching the riverside life go by. (That one's for Mr H - are you still getting your dead animal sandwiches on a Friday morning?).
After completing the feeding task we were then entertained by a small cat ripping a lizard to bits! I don't know, but I feel something strange in the air today. Something tells me that something crazy, but not unexpected, is going to happen. Then it came to me....it's Saturday......England are away to Andorra.....based on recent displays, I predict a 2-0 scoreline......to Andorra! Hopefully it will be more like 3-0 to the Three Lions (I don't know what the other 8 players will be doing).
Where am I.....oh yes, in Laos.....screw the football. We had a walk along the banks of the Mekong after brekky - we could actually see it this time - although we don't know why we botherered
Mekong River
. All along the river, from where we have seen it in Cambodia, Vietnam and now Laos, the river is just a sh*tty brown colour! I mean, to be honest, I even think the radioactive waters of the River Maun in Mansfield are more inviting than this! (It's not as bad as the sea in Skeggy though, that just makes me shudder thinking about it).Anyway, we enjoyed our walk and got to see a few sights on the way. Firstly we came across Wat Xieng Thong temple. This is a bit worse for wear if you ask me....if you put a burning car outside it, you could picture yourself on the outskirts of Nottingham! We moved on.
We accidentally discovered a big stone thing in a hidden corner at the top of Luang Prabang which happened to be the UNESCO plaque declaring Luang Prabang as a World Heritage site. Now Luang Prabang is nice, but I have seen places that impress me more and perhaps maybe more deserving of such protection, but what do I know eh?
Next to appear on our radar was an area containing 4 or 5 little bars, we logged that for future reference.
By the time we had got to the temples at Wat Aham & Wat Wisunalat, we had done enough templing. I do think we have had our fill of temples - even the one on my head is starting to annoy me now!!
The one funny thing at Wat Wisunalat was a little changing room where guys in normal clothes walked in one side and then just randomly appeared seconds later in monks robes from the other side! No, I wasn't perving on them, it just reminded me of an old cartoon called Mr Ben where the shopkeeper would suddenly appear!! Dead funny! If you don't know the cartoon just ignore me.....in fact, even if you do know the cartoon, just ignore me anyway!!
At about 2.30pm the heavens just suddenly opened - no it wasn't the Lord speaking to me telling not to worry about England tonight - no, it absolutely threw it down
Nice clean Mekong River
. Amazing, we just happened to be stood outside Maylek Pub at the time - you know there was only one option - in we went and ordered up the Beer Lao. Then, the sneaky little bar staff put the music on.....George Michael......Careless Wrister.....sorry, Careless Whisper. I didn't know whether to run "Outside" or just find a toilet cubicle! Luckily the Beer Lao arrived and my attention was drawn elsewhere....After a steady stroll back to the guesthouse, Lorna went on the free internet whilst I educated myself on a few more episodes of South Park. In case it hasn't been mentioned, I have got the first 10 series of South Park on my iPod and I am working my way through every episode alphabetically!! I am currently on "Red Hot Catholic Love"! Sweet.
In the evening we decided to wear the stuff we bought in Hoi An and go out for a fancier meal (I admit that a fancy meal may affect my beer lao budget, but I was prepared to take the risk). We ended up at a restaurant called "Le Tam Tam" - no, not Le Tampon Webby, Le Tam Tam - I am afraid to say.....it was a French restaurant. I felt that it was worth giving them a chance, so in we went. I should have known better! For some reason, no matter what you order, it has to have excessive onions and garlic! I thought I had outwitted them. I said "No", "No onions on my Calzone Pizza please!" (I know it's Italian, but it's bad enough being in a French restaurant, I ain't gonna order their food as well).
But I had made a fatal mistake
Breakfast by the river
. I had not mentioned the garlic. This must have driven the chef to think "Oooh La Laaaa, no onion, zen eee must want more of zee garlic"!Whilst these disastrous discussions were taking place in the kitchen, I was innocently sat at my outdoor table entertaining my wife with my elephant impressions! Things were bound to deteriorate - and they did!
Firstly, it was a little cold and the elephant didn't make a massive impression, but that was the least of my worries! My pizza arrived.....flat! Not a calzone, just......flat!! I attracted the waiters attention in my own polite way - "Oi, Yewth, What the **** is this, froggy?". (I'm sure you would appreciate my sophistication Dan!). The waiter came over and said "Monsieur, no onion". There was a pause......I tried my best to understand what that had to do with a calzone, but struggled, so I repeated my question a little more professionally - "Oooo La Laaaa, no calzone, zis is sheeeeet!". Amazingly he seemed to understand this more as he smiled and said "Oui Monsieur, no onion"...............what can you do?
I gave in and just started on the pizza.....and then it happened.
For some reason the chef had decided to put 15kg of garlic onto my pizza.....all in one piece. Now as this was a French restaurant, the lights were down low, so I hadn't seen the mound of cross channel garbage hidden beneath the fromage! It hadn't even been cut.....it was whole!!
Picture the scene at that first bite.......I think the film Alien would describe it best
No beer in hand!!
. There I am, playing alongside Sigourney Weaver (she's more flattered to be playing alongside me than I am to be playing alongside her) and there's a pounding on my chest. Now, if it had been me pounding on Sigourney Weaver's chest, it would be different. But no, it was a pounding from within MY chest. I honestly thought this was the end you guys. Everything was pounding. I was beginning to choke and foam at the mouth (that bit is serious dudes). It was as though I had been on drugs. I started to hallucinate - I was seeing berets, striped T-shirts, onions around the neck, 'allo 'allo and Eric bl**dy Cantona - I felt like I was turning FRENCH. Ooooo La Laaaa - Soixante Neuf!! Noooooooooo!!Just as it seemed all was lost, I was saved from my burning hell by an ice cold Beer Lao to wash away the taste - boy, that was close. I was almost on the verge of calling that famous Arsenal striker by the name Tee Hairy Arrrn Reee - when we all know damn well that it's Terry 'Enry!! Phew - close call!
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Loverly shirt,Dress and skirt
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