Singapore can go sling...

Trip Start Aug 11, 2009
Trip End Dec 14, 2009

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Flag of Singapore  ,
Monday, September 21, 2009

Hey there Delilah, what's the time in Silly City? 

Before I start this one, She has asked you sceptics to rest assured that She arrived here open minded and with her socialism tightly packed away in her backpack, honest...I can vouch for that...kinda...

So I'm sitting in the immigration q in my buggy (alarm bells ringing straight away, cause so far I have been ushered to the front of the q due to my mini-celebrity status and quite rightly so) and slowly it dawns on me that the Singaporians are very serious.  I giggle and gurgle and these people seem unmoved.  It is at this early age that I came to realise that I won't always be able to enchant everyone...bummer!  I'm still coming to terms with it now actually...growing up is hard.

We get to the hotel and its fine, a bit of a comedown from the last one but it'll do.  It is at check-in that we encounter a lovely receptionist, she too should have been working for immigration...starting to think they are wearing facemasks and afraid they'll crack if they so much as venture a smile...good job I have enough smiles for the whole of Singapore.

This is the city that sense forgot.  Oh, you can't take a baby to Asia - they say, unless you were going to the likes of Singapore, where its clean and "westernized", well let me tell you, try working your way around this "spotless" place with a buggy (before you ask, I'm not too fat for the sling now, it was just too hot) and then think again.  First of all, you ask a Singaporian how to get to somewhere and they respond by telling you which MRT stop to take (even if its only a stop or two away), you ask them to direct you by foot and they say "oh no, tooooo far" or "I don't know" - too far being a 5/10 min walk and I don't know meaning they spend they're whole lives underground and they genuinely don't have a clue how to get from A to B.  So we too had to start taking the MRT and to get to the platform you need with a buggy, 99% of the time you spend a good 10 minutes going to the other end of the station to get a lift down to the ticket area to then walk the length of the station again to get a different lift down to the next platform, get on the MRT for 2 minutes, get off, walk another mile underground, take another lift and get on the connecting train for another 2 minutes - arrive at the destination ready to explode and with no energy or will to sightsee, shop or even eat.  This kind of set the bar for the whole trip...and as for finding a map that actually had any street names on it, good luck.

Then we have the rules: you can't do this, you can't do that - nae walking on the grass, no chewing gum (I expected those) but here come the belters - NO STUDYING (a sign in a cafe!) heaven forbid someone picks up a book -.  NO BOARD GAMES (again at a cafe, the dangers of connect 4...) and my personal favourite

So on day 3 we escaped the city and headed to Sentosa Island, weather was cooler and the people were smiley but in a weird Disney "have a nice day" kinda way.  Headed to the butterfly park and no sooner had we stepped in the place, a flock of parrots descend on us and you can guess who got pooped on...good job She's used to it by now but her new camera got it as well.  The place stank and there were hardly any butterflies there, which is just as well cause I burst into tears when one came close which totally shattered my tuff guy image.   It was on this day that I discovered my tongue and proceeded to immitate the Kando crowd by chewing my chin for the rest of the day.   The gran complained in her best Mrs Bouquet voice about the invisible butterflies and we got our money back so that was a bonus.  I then get taken to a show,  not the theatre which is where one would expect a thespian like myself to hang out, but to a childrens musical show about an imprisoned princess - I feel your pain, sista.   This was really good but I did fall asleep towards the end and missed the fireworks...

Obviouslly, the highlight was a visit to Raffles  for the original and most expensive Singapore Sling to have ever passed her lips.    I tried to get fired in but the straw escaped my ninja clutches on several occassions before I admitted defeat and realised they were guarding their tipples with their lives.   So I tried to behave, got bored, puked up and excelled myself in the nappy filling stakes -  if I aint drinking, the party aint happening.

Chinatown was all but closed when we arrived for some reason but I made friends with a big Austrian with a saussage van who is making an absolute mint in the middle of noodle city - anyone want to join me in my new venture to open a stovies stall can forward their business plan to my secretary.

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