Run for your lives, it's the Canadians!
Trip Start
May 15, 2004
1
23
48
Trip End
Aug 20, 2004
Ko Tao,
Thailand
Sunday, July 4, 2004
1Canadian Terrorist
! Haha OK, here's the history (other than the obvious jealousy factor Canadians have towards Americans), practically every Canadian backpacker will sew a Canadian flag on their pack as this is even encouraged by the government (it's a big joke among non-Canadian travelers) with the idea being that they don't want to be confused with American travelers since supposedly everyone in the world hates America. What Canadians don't realize is that no one ever mistakes them for Americans because of their funny accents (they say "aboot" instead of "about"), their constant anti-American sentiments, and the fact they end every fifth sentence with "Eh?"! So, I wrote a story that the newspapers published about the incident: Bangkok Times
5 July 2004
Ko Tao - An American citizen, on a cultural exchange and good will tour of southeast Asia, was the unwitting victim of an attack by four female Canadian terrorists. The international conspiracy involved not only Canadian terrorists, but included Brazilian and English conspirators. To add insult to the shameless act, the terrorists perpetrated their unwarranted and cowardly attack on the American holiday of July 4th, the day when Americans celebrate their hard fought freedom from oppression by the tyrannical and now extinct British empire. The four Canadian terrorists were well organized and used the standard devious tactics that Canadian women are known for, particularly those of preying on the innocent and taking advantage of those who give more than they take. Details of the attack are still under investigation, but charges such as kidnapping, assault, breaking and entering, and vandalism are said to have been the main crimes. The American victim, Trent Hagar, was quoted as asking "Why do Canadians hate so much?" The question became a rallying cry for the many other victims who have been accosted by the Canadian terrorists. Particularly upsetting to Mr. Hagar was the desecration of his personal effects on such a special and significant day in American history. "On the fourth of July, what kind of sick and perverted mind would sew a Canadian flag on an Americans backpack?" asked a shocked and demoralized Mr. Hagar. The question, an international curiosity, arises from the mystery of Canadians sewing Canadian flags on their backpacks even though most Canadians have no reason for doing this other than being told to by their humorless government...it's akin to asking a Canadian what "Canada Day" is for...no Canadian seems to know the answer! Many believe this attack stems from prejudices based on Canadian jealousy of Americans and the world's view of Canadians as second class citizens. Whatever the reason or reasons, the Thai people were riveted by the attack and have vowed to find the perpetrators. The Canadian terrorist crew has been described as common thieves and pretentious charlatans. Psychologists theorize that the Canadians use these attacks to increase their self-esteem and fragile egos, but is there really any justification for such horrific actions? The anti-American terrorist crew is known to be "working" the southeast Asia area and all Americans have been advised to be on careful guard. The following is thought to be the only known picture of one of the terrorists.
