How To Relax In Queenstown

Trip Start May 20, 2008
Trip End Apr 18, 2010

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Flag of New Zealand  , South Island,
Thursday, October 8, 2009

So apparently Queenstown isn't all about jumping off stuff or out of things. No, really, it's possible to visit to NZ's adventure capital and leave with your adrenalin levels at a level your heart doctor would approve of and your internal organs where you left them.
My best mate in Auckland, Rohan (affectionatly known as Rosie), was going to Queenstown to chill out for a couple of nights and press the reset button and he needed someone to go with. I hadn't seen my reset button in a while. It was probably rusty from the lack of pressing and living and working on one of the noisiest road in Auckland wasn't doing anything for my stress levels so off I went to the south island to gaze wistfully at snowcapped mountains and think about skiing. Only think about it, mind, I'm quite fond of my teeth where they area and my face the shape it is.

So here's your cut out and keep guide to surviving Queenstown with your nerves intact.

ONE: Stay at the Crowne Plaza because Rosie doesn't do shared dorms. I'm not used to accommodation that supplies towels and has housekeeping and Sky TV in the bedrooms with a remote control that works. At the places I stay we're lucky if someone hasn't stolen the TV from the shared area but here we had a double bed each, ideal for reclining on as one sips cheap bourbon from the 1.5 litre plastic bottle. Yep, I reckon with practice I can achieve the level of class I know I'm capable of; just slightly above the gutter.
TWO: Instead of standing at the edge of a platform 134 metres above a canyon with your feet bound together with velcro or hanging out of a plane at 15000 feet with a man called Dave strapped to your back, if you want to be high up why not take the gondolas instead? Much more relaxing and doesn't require that you pack a change of undies.

We headed to the top and I actually had to walk past a bungy jump, The Ledge.

Walk. Past.

Do you know how hard that was? I SO wanted to do it but my budget said no. Actually my budget openly laughed at me, slapped me round the chops and told me to go for a luge ride instead so we did which I managed to do without adding to my fine collection of scars.

A cup of tea later and it was back down the hill by gondola to discuss the possibility of starting a knitting circle or a bridge club or something else that reflected our new found calm on our return to Auckland.

THREE: Fergburger. You can't visit Queenstown without at least one burger from there. Of course, if you're on a relaxation kick it's best to avoid the Big Al and settle for something smaller and less dangerous to your intestines, a burger that perhaps doesn't fight back when you attempt to bite into it.

FOUR: Ahh, the Shotover Jet, a rip roaring ride up the Shotover river complete with 360 degree spins and uncomfortably close encounters between your head and sharp rocks. If one were an adrenaline junkie as opposed to a classier act that stays in establishments such as the Crowne Plaza one would embark on this jet of which they speak and get those juices flowing, most probably out through their anus. Me and Rohan, however, much prefered to sit in a vat of hot water and watch the action from afar from the Onsen Hot Pools.

Fuck. Yes. Totally and utterly worth a visit, they even pick you up from town and drop you back off afterwards, fabulous for those that shudder at the idea of public transport.
That was possibly one of the most needed mini breaks I'd ever been on. Me and reality don't get on very well together, this Normal Life thing, although it's made me heaps of fantastic friends and I really do love Auckland as my home, normality has a way of driving me insane and I need to escape and press the reset button. I think we all do. Everyone needs to take that time out to just stop, take mental stock of whats going on in your life and your head, reevaluate if neccessary and refocus on your goals and what's really important to you.

Well that's my excuse for travelling and damnit, I'm sticking to it.
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