Trip Start May 10, 2006
Trip End May 09, 2008

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Flag of Australia  , Victoria,
Friday, October 27, 2006

Despite the fact I've been unemployed since the end of September I still haven't had time to write up the Great Ocean Road thing that I did with a bloke called Kliff from Burnley that I met in a hostel in Melbourne. There are words for people as lazy as me but some of them aren't printable in a blog that your Grandparents might possibly read.

Aaaaanyway, despite the date at the top of this post I'm writing this at the end of November so my memory may be a little hazy on account of all the goon (cheap cask wine) I've drank since then. I have decided to overcome this with the aid of Bullet Points because Bullet Points make things look tidy and important even though it's usually a load of mindless dross. This is also the reason I use Bullet Points in my CV.

Day One
* Stocked up on obligatory munchies then promptly got lost a mere 10 minutes out of St Kilda.

* Finally worked out which wiggly lines on the map lead where and made it to the highway.

* Stopped in Torquay to watch the surfers. The water on that coast is always freezing cold, seriously, my nipples hurt just watching them.
* Wondered about the signs all up the Great Ocean Road that say "Drive On The Left In Australia." If you've gotten this far without noticing the other drivers veering out of your way as you cruise on up the right hand side then maybe you shouldn't be driving on any side in Australia. Or anywhere else for that matter. Do you even have a license? Fools.

*Stopped at Split Point Lighthouse in Aireys Inlet. Its better known as the Round The Twist lighthouse (and you know you'll be humming that theme tune for the rest of the day) although I think I was slightly more excited by it than Kliff. We didn't bother going in though, its $12.50 for the tour and I didn't like the show that much (it is at this point that I hope no one remembers that I spent $40 doing a tour for a TV show I rarely even watch) and how can you tour a lighthouse anyway? Surely its just a staircase, right?

* Pulled over next to the famous Great Ocean Road sign and acted like a couple of tourists.

* Decided to stay at the Great Ocean Road Backpackers in Lorne that night. There are tame parrots everywhere that come right up to you to be fed which is really cute until about 6am when they sit outside your dorm window and squawk.

* Wondered if parrot goes well with chips.

Day Two
* If someone asked you what you would least expect to see whilst visiting Erskine Falls in Lorne I reckon that a man dressed like a pirate would be quite far up the list. Well, we met a man dressed like a pirate. No, we don't know why either but he seemed nice enough assuming you don't have to be sane to be nice.

* Whilst stopping for lunch and another "Look, We're On The Great Ocean Road" tourist photo we found an Echidna. Usually these things curl up in a ball and don't move if you get too close to them but this bugger kept crawling towards us with them huge spikes on its back while we were trying to take photos. We backed away before it went ninja on our arses.

* Rocked up to Apollo Bay Backpackers. I would so totally recommend this place to anyone, its more like a home than a hostel and the laundry and internet are run on an honesty box system which just makes you want to be honest.

* Attempted to drink Tooheys on the beach but settled for Next To The Beach on account of the gale force winds.

* Saw some lesbians. I'm not sure how relevant this is, I just get excited when I'm not the only gay in the village.

Day Three
* Here's an idea, lets forget that heights make us nervous and do the Otways Skywalk, after all it's only 47 metres off the ground on a see-through metal platform. Notice the smile in the photos? Thats actually more of a grimace and the whiteness of the knuckles is almost blinding. If you do check out the photos notice how our hands never leave the railing in any of the pictures.

* One of my Must Do things in Oz was a helicopter ride over the 12 Apostles. I coaxed Kliff into it and tell ya what, it was so worth it! We did the $120 medium flight which took us over a whole load of Rocks With Names (Yes, I have photos. No, I can't remember what they're all called). Awesome.

* After spending half the day Really High Up we checked out the 12 Apostles at viewing platform then went down Gibson's Steps to see the first two at beach level because you can't fall off the floor. I know I mock the Aussie obsession with rocks as tourist attractions but even I have to admit they were pretty cool, even though there's not twelve of them and never have been. There used to be nine and they were called the Sow And Piglets but let's face it, that's not nearly as marketable so they were renamed in the 20's. The last year, one of the bigger ones collapsed into the sea and totally changed the view. It's still superb, but not quite as striking as it used to be.
It's not the only bit of the Shipwreck Coast's landmarks to be claimed by the ocean, back in 1990, part of London Bridge broke away leaving a couple of tourists stranded and they had to be rescued by helicopter. Well how embarrassing would that have been?
* Stayed at the Ocean House Backpackers in Port Campbell and invited a random lass called Mary out for a beer to show the locals how its done. Apparently its done by drinking lots of beer and feeding loads of money into the video jukebox and dancing to really bad tunes. I believe pool might have been involved at some point but we left that to Kliff, y'know, with it being a man's game an all.

Days Four And Five
* Finished the Great Ocean Road and celebrated with fish and chips in a proper town with shops and traffic and people and all kinds of other scary things then carried on to Adelaide. Instead of taking the sensible, direct route we headed North through the Grampians because I wanted to see the Giant Koala in Dadswell Bridge.

* Camped in Stawell on day 4 because camping is cheap although we did have to spend an extra $8 on 4 litres of goon to keep us warm and we got woken up by ducks the next day. Next time that happens its Duck Sandwich time. 

* Checked out Bunjil's Cave, supposedly Victoria's most important Aboriginal artwork. Never mind. I'm sure they excel in other departments.

* Saw the Giant Koala that looks like it has a spot of mange then carried on straight to Adelaide and booked into My Place Backpackers who said they had parking. By Parking they meant a few spaces that were likely to be full and if they were you had to park on the road then move the car first thing in the morning to avoid getting a ticket. Hmm. Yeah. Parking. Bastards.

* Met a lass from Zimbabwe called Toni who gave us a tour of Adelaide's gay pubs on the Saturday. Point to note: Kliff isn't a puff.

Kliff is a top bloke though, we got on really well and had similar ideas of what we wanted out of the B100 and the pace we wanted to take it at. All in all, bloody awesome road trip.

Well that was seven minutes of your life you can't get back wasn't it, if you made it this far you must really like words. I suggest you go away and examine your life and prehaps consider Getting Out More.

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