An Unexpected Trip To The Doctor

Trip Start Jan 11, 2012
Trip End Jun 20, 2012

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Flag of United States  , Hawaii
Thursday, May 3, 2012

Last month I found a lump on my right breast.  My first thought was "what the f--- is this!"  Then a sinking feeling came over me that started in the pit of my stomach and worked its way through my spine, pure fear.  I took a couple of deep breaths to ground myself then got quiet to listen to my body.  "It's all okay" was the message I received.  So I pulled myself together and put it in the background.  Well several weeks later the lump was still there and a friend suggested I get it checked out.  This is not how I planned to spend my "Year Of Living Outrageously."

A trip to the doctor is very, very unusual for me.  I started looking for places on the internet and got completely overwhelmed. I didn't want to handle this alone, I was far too nervous, but I hadn't told Thomas because I didn't want him to worry.  Well, he would know something was up so I told him.

We talked on Saturday night and by 9:30am on Monday morning he had found a clinic with a free government program for testing, had arranged for Mecca to stay with our friend Cheryl, and had talked to our landlords about borrowing their car for the day.  All I had to do was shower and dress.

At first I was going to tell Mecca we were having a date, but decided that was unfair.  On date nights we are excited and happy and we were anything but that.  I didn't want the words we were telling her not to match up with the energy that she was feeling from us.  So I didn't give lots of details but I was honest so that she would be in the mix.  Nothing worse than being told something you know is not the truth by the people you trust the most.

I held it together long enough to drop her off.  By the time I got back in the car tears were streaming down my face.  I sat back and surrendered to letting Thomas handle things.

My husband is the 'poster man' (he's certainly no boy) for handling this crisis.  I am appreciating and enjoying his masculinity.  He's taking care of business yet has been very present and loving with me. 

I had a clinical breast exam, a mammogram and an ultrasound.  After 3 hours at the clinic the tests were inconclusive.  I have to go back in a couple of weeks for a needle biopsy. We were both disappointed.  We thought I would leave the clinic with a clean bill of health, not an appointment for more testing.

Where am I now?  Well, I made a decision that I will not spend the next couple of weeks terrified.  I chose to come to Hawaii to live outrageously.  Somehow, this all fits into my plan.  And I have a six year old and a husband to take care of so I need to stay present with them.

Next, I've been cleaning up my diet.  More fruits and vegetables, less sugar and a detox program.   I want to create an environment for optimum health in my body.  Most importantly, I have been spending more time in quiet contemplation.  Communicating with my body and my higher self about what to do next.

I've noticed a few things in the past week:  my heart is softer and more open.  I am allowing myself to share and be supported by people who care for me.  I feel stronger and clear.  I feel an overwhelming appreciation for my life and my loved ones.  And I feel a deep connection to God.  I know that I am not walking through this alone and am fully supported by the seen and unseen forces of the universe.

2012 is my year for living outrageously--and this little bump in the road will not detract from that!
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Stacey on

You are a strong woman and whatever the outcome of the test, you will meet the challenge, head on. I'm here for you! You remain in my thoughts and prayers!

Peace, love and a big hug!

Mika on

You are such an inspiration to me. Telling your story brings back memories of my mother. I know that whatever the test results show. ( which God willing, it will be a good result) You and your family will persevere. I love you and let me know if there is anything I can do to help.
Love and lIght

Doreene on

Well, I already know that God is in the midst of this - all is well. I know and I trust that you stand in agreement with me that your body temple is vibrating at the frequency of Divine Health. And in that frequency everything less than God, less than Love, less than Light dissolves into nothing-ness. It is returned to Source.

You have the right attitude. I'm going to send you a 10 minute process to do to raise your vibration and connect to your ancestors for healing, strength and insight.

What a wonderful opportunity to open your heart more and connect to God.

Enjoy it and let your Spirit expand into Divine Consciousness.

William on

We are with you and your family, Sandra, experiencing life in it's fullest and handling everything in front of with dignity, love, passion, and compassion.

Katrina on

Our prayers are with, Thomas, and Mecca during this journey. We love you and pray for the best!

Brooke on

Sandra Keep that positive energy! I know you will be alright, I am praying for you. I love you and I miss you all!

Shannon on

Great big hugs across the cyber waves. (((hugs)))
You've built a great irl family, and this pretty cool internet family and I'm sure I'm not alone sending you great healthy vibes. I love that you said that you are taking this opportunity to slow down, listen to your body and take better care of yourself.
If anything, maybe the universe put you in one of the most peaceful spots on the planet for a reason. So you can slow down and get better in touch with yourself.
I'll be watching for updates.
Much love to you.

Sarah Puls also on O'ahu :) on

Sandra, You are in my prayers. I have heard so so many stories from female
friends who have been terrified by inconclusive test results concerning our incredible private parts, the fact is, the doctors just can't always be right so keep smiling, praying & living your glorious life like you do but EVEN BETTER!

Anthea on

Hi Sandra -

You are a strong and wonderful woman. I know you'll get through this and you're in my thoughts.


Wendi on

It is, indeed, a blessing to be able to notice all sides of a situation so honestly and presently as you are doing. What a gift you are giving your husband and daughter, the ability to lovingly participate in supporting you support each other and magnify your love as a family and beautiful light beings.

I send my highest energetic vibration to assist in strengthening and cleansing your physical self knowing that all is working in Divine Order at this very moment. I love you. I love you all.


Anita Underwood-Nelson on

Sending positive thoughts and prayers to you and family.

Steph on

Hey Sandra, sending u all good wishes & prayer in your health scare. U are one of the toughest people I know so u will embrace & fight whatever comes your way...u r the original Survivor...especially on the streets of D.C. (smile)...u r definitely right when u say u r not alone...know that Jesus will never leave u or forsake u....continue to live outrageously (in paradise) for u and for the rest of us:) Love U...Steph

Evie on

As you know, I'm with you guys all the way and I know the powerful consciousness that you guys are, all of you individually & collectively! I look forward to the amazing insights I know that will come of this appearance. Thank you for the powerful presence you are & have been in my life. Remember that "you are not your body!" LOL Much love.

Faye on

I'm overwhelmed about this. I'm also filled with admiration for you in how you have dealt with things. You have shown an incredible amount of strength, dignity and grace in the face of this and in the way you have shared it with all of us. My heart and mind are with you constantly -- I'm so glad you have a strong and loving family with you for support. Its great news to hear you are on top of this and seeing to it immediately. Sandra, I'm with you. You take care and be remain positive and strong.

Aloha (take care)

Stephen on

Please stay strong and know that my prayers include you and your family. Your blogs are exciting to read and the pictures are always wonderful.

MichaelG on

Dear Sandra,

I pray for your good health. Your story reminds me of my mother as well. You have always had such great strength and ability to let things go and focus on the next thing that is right for you. You are the Teflon woman. May this roll off you as well or as the saying goes, this too shall pass. Know that you have so many wonderful friends who care and a wonderful daughter and loving husband to support you along the way. Take care of yourself. Michael Green

Ardrene on

You are a very strong woman, mentally, physically and in every way. I am praying for you and I know that God is with you. I know it will be OK. I am looking forward to hearing about your positive outcome. Keep me posted.

Lots of love and big hugs!!

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