Your know you in Africa when...
Trip Start Oct 06, 2005
5Trip End Dec 24, 2005
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...you know your in Africa when:
-you receive an African massage every day you drive. Whats an African massage - you jumping up and down in your seat and generally receiving a bone jolting knocking up, down and sideways motion as you drive across a pot holed main road, that the corrupt government cant be arsed to spend money on (despite the fact that the roads often lead to the main tourist destination in their country!!)
-you have to wait 45 minutes in a queue of 3 people
-your bowels explode!
-your farting smells foreign (that one was from Vic!)
-you see an insect an inch long, and arent even bothered by it!
-when you are sitting on the toilet you can count 20 different species of bugs, insects lizard and flying creatures buzzing and crawling around you.
-you feel most vulnerable when your on the toilet!!
-everything runs to African time. This is different to Ecuadorian time (approx. 1 hour late) and english time (on time). African time is best summed up as - things happen when they happen - no sooner, no later!
-the expression 'cool bananas' is used regularly?!
-whilst sipping a beer in the bar you can idly amuse yourself by watching a frog stalk and kill a beetle (1.5 inches long!)
-the ants are bigger than big english spiders and the beetles are the same size as gerbils!
-you can get kept up at night by insects!
-you can get kept up worrying about the lion roaring and the elephant trumpeting around your unfenced campsite!
-you can wake up in the morning and tread in fresh lion poo!
-you can play football with animal dung - as it is a. the size of a football (elephants are) and b. baked solid by the sun!
-cold showers become very welcome.
-the beers are called things such as Serengeti, or Kilimanjaro, all taste like piss are normally warm
-the middle of the night piss, turns into a look, listen and piss mission! (This is because it is necessary to find a clear path to the nearest tree, making sure that there are no beasts lurking. This walk is much like the green cross code, and you find yourself stop, looking and listening and turning your head from side to side as you walk, and also whilst your pissing,as you scan for an assortment of beasts ranging from, scorpion, snake, crocidile, hippo, and lion (depending on your location).
-goats, cows, (and on rare occasions elephants), impala and gazelles can be regular road hazards.
-'I spy' becomes more interesting, when an 'e' for example can be an elephant, ealge or eland (large deer) and an 'm' can be a monkey or masai man!
-you see a masai warrior, in full red robes and dangling ears cycling. This will normally be in the absolute middle of nowhere, on the type of bike your parents used to have, and is still commonly used in Holland!
-every shop owner wants to chat to a) to practise english, b) work out where your from, and so c) he can inflate his price accordingly - normally about 300%
-everybody under the age of 12 smiles at you
-kides run along and wave at you
-kids jump up and down and shout 'mzungu' (white man) at you
-kids ask for money all the time
-men you havent met before want you to buy them a beer.