Reflections

Trip Start May 09, 2005
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Trip End Aug 01, 2005


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Flag of United States  , California,
Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Wow, so it's been almost a full 6 months since I returned from living in Egypt and as you can imagine, I've gone through some immense changes. I decided to look back over all of my blogs for the first time and I have to say it's very therapeutic! I get a silly grin on my face and my heart is bursting...for I feel so incredibly lucky for having had the experiences that I have. Nothing compares.

I gave the corporate world a fair shot I believe. I felt so much pressure to utilize my very expensive degree in a very specific manner. I found that I was forcing things really. I just don't belong in a cubicle behind a computer under flourescent lighting. I cannot grow in that environment. And I really don't care to push around paper so that the executives and engineers who started the company get rich and I just get depressed and gloomy.

I will admit that I experienced some seriously sad times upon my return. It's no one's fault, really, just life. I drowned my sorrows in fast food and wine and became quite plump and unpleasant to be around. I missed my friends...I wanted to be neither here nor there. I wanted purpose in my life. I wanted happiness again.

Back to purpose. There was none like I said in crunching numbers and pushing contracts around. I still was meant to be out THERE in that big bad world living life and experiencing everything that it had to offer. Reality sucks. Or should I say, student loans suck. I even toyed with the notion of grabbing a teaching job overseas and just ditching the loans and seeing if anyone ever came after me. I did, in fact, get a teaching job back in Cairo. But it just wasn't the right time.

I finally found some purpose in my current pursuit of a military career. I started looking into it as soon as I got home...had always looked into it over the years since turning 18, but nothing too serious. I couldn't see how I'd fit in or what I could contribute. I'm not a crazy fanatical right-wing Bush-lover, but I am thankful to be an American and the kind of life I've been privy to having grown up here. Traveling to poor countries has afforded me this insight. And I think seeing my little brother once again and his inability to serve has had some impact.

All I do know is that I have a lot to contribute and the constraints of the 9-5 grind just don't do it for me. I want to do something that is significant and again, has purpose. Something that will challenge me mind, body and soul. I really want to work towards something. Oh, and I want to travel!! I want to live overseas and continue to experience different ways of life.

My wanderlust will never leave me. I wonder if it's some sort of a genetic mutation or something...this wanderlust gene.

Peace.
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