Bums, Boobs and Bikinis

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Flag of Uruguay  ,
Saturday, January 28, 2012

Ok... So Punte del Este had something for both women and men alike, so I figured Jaclyn and I would both contribute to this entry in order to offer a few different perspectives on a few of the things that we saw..

Bikini Beach:


Well the name says it all really, however the bikini are like nothing I have ever seen before. The ladies bums seem to eat the backside of the bikini until it disappears! I was utterly mesmerized by the sheer amount of brazen flesh out on display! The women were also extremely well cooked by the sun and wore a bikini to dinner at restaurants, when out shopping and when hopping on and off buses! There was simply no way a skinny, translucent, flat chested girl like myself could compete, so I didn't. I had my hands full trying to prevent Tom from walking in front of cars, due to numerous fleshy distractions! But I did enjoy walking along the beautiful beach at dusk with my feet in the water.


Now we have been to a number of beautiful places on this trip already. Machu Picchu, Galapogus, Lake Titikaka just to name a few… But the scenery here blew all of these places out of the water! There were many mountains perched on top of towels and unlike the other mountains we have seen, these always came in pairs! Can you believe that? As for the backside eating the bikini, well if the backside did eat it, it went for a nice gym work out afterwards because these backsides were all nice and firm! So as far I was concerned these backsides were more than welcome to go to an all you can eat bikini buffet and gobble up as much bikini as they wanted! Unfortunately, due to Jaclyn’s wishes, we weren’t able to go for a swim here, however if you are ever in Punte del Esta, I do recommend that you pull up a towel and take in the sights! 
 Isla de Gorriti:

I had heard of this tiny little paradise that used to be used by pirates trafficking goods into Uruguay, from a friend we met in Montevideo. The island of Gorriti had a glorious beach, with fine yellow sand, palm trees and cool blue water. The island was not as busy as bikini beach and the bikini’s here were much greater in size. So I packed us a picnic lunch and tanned and buffed my mosquito ridden body and plonked it on the beach of Gorriti. We relaxed on the sand and played Frisbee in the water. It was here that I fell in love with Uruguay, bikinis and all.   

What I learnt from this excursion: 'Never trust a girl when they recommend a beach’. Sure it may have had nice palm trees and nice water, but it was definitely a beach for families. Whilst the bikinis covered some more bum in general there were a few who seemed to migrate from bikini beach over to the Isla of Gorriti… About 35 years ago!! And they hadn’t purchased a new bikini since they made the move! That’s right, the bums which ate the bikinis here, seemed to generally be those of the grandmothers who were there with their families. But hey, a bum’s a bum I guess and they all serve the same purpose.


After our lovely picnic at Gorriti, Tom dragged me to an artist’s mansion, which was situated on the edge of a cliff overlooking the ocean. Our aim was to watch a spectacular sunset! So we hopped on a bus and headed 30minutes out of town. The bus dropped us off on a highway and I followed Tom down a street. After about 20minutes of walking in the heat I asked Tom if he knew where he was going and Tom replied ‘I’m not really sure’. Great just great, we were lost! I sat down in the shade and let Tom wander down another street and by some stroke of luck he found Casapueblo (the artists mansion). The best part was that the mansion was air-conditioned! But Tom didn’t want to look at art; he wanted to scale down the cliff to get a good shot of the mansion. I was still covered in salt and sand and my thongs had ripped blisters into my feet, so I again sat in the shade and let Tom trek down the edge of the cliff. 30 Minutes passed and Tom had not returned so I put on my thongs and elegantly fell down the cliff in search of my adventurous boyfriend. Bruised, frustrated and tired we eventually watched the sunset from a balcony in the mansion. When it was time to go, we struggled to find a bus or a taxi that would take us back to town, in the end we walked the entire highway and found a little town from which we got an expensive taxi (it was a Mercedes) back home! Well Done Tom!

Now there’s always two sides to every story and this is why we are writing this entry in this way. After a nice bus ride we set out to find a beautiful mansion that I had seen in a number of photos. With Grumpy Girlfriend (GG) in toe we walked for about 5-10 minutes before she finally cracked it and told me she wasn’t going any further. Fortunately for me the built in sense of direction that comes stock standard with being a male kicked in and I led us to this picturesque place, with no gratitude shown from Jaclyn when we arrived. The best part was the rock climbing down to the beach below the mansion. So I decided to leave GG back in the air conditioning where she was quiet (or at least I couldn’t hear her whining) and scale my way down the cliffs edge wearing only thongs and somewhat resembling Bear Grills in my approach to the task. It was worth every second of the peace and quiet as I explored the rock pools and took some great photos of the mansion. The sunset was alright, but was definitely more for now Happy Again Girlfriend (HAG - Funny, I honestly didn’t mean for it to spell that!) and we set back off in search for our bus. I wasn’t able to get us a bus, but I actually did one better. The inbuilt sense of direction that was mentioned earlier managed to get us to a town just down the road, from which we caught a taxi! The perfect way to finish off a big day… Express with no stops back to Punte del Esta! 
Our Hostel:
This was hostel one I would prefer to forget! There are many words I would use to describe it, here are a few: dirty, unclean, disgusting, noisy, uncomfortable, mosquito infested, hot, did I mention dirty??? Tom chose to blend into the hostel and decided hair washing was totally unnecessary for someone trying to get dread locks and that red, sparse facial hair was an asset to his appearance. It took a lot of ‘black mailing’ on my part to get him to shave…trust me! But this hostel did have a pool, in which women with barely there bikini liked to frolic in. At this hostel many of the guests did not speak English and they had their dinner at midnight right outside my bedroom window where they pumped music until the wee hours of the morning. Just great!

This hostel gave me an experience that I will never forget... This was being introduced to the skimpy bikini! Fortunately for us, our bedroom overlooked the party atmosphere by the pool and it was here that two young women were wearing these intriguing creations… I couldn’t believe it! I was able to enjoy all of the sights from the comfort of my own room! It didn’t matter what else the hostel had in store for us (or Jaclyn withheld from me) from this point… I was happy! 
Other things worth mentioning:

The other thing that stood out about Punte was their approach to marketing. I was walking along the main street one day and was amazed to see a way of advertising that was even more obtrusive and annoying than telemarketing. If you park your car in Punte, expect to not only find flyers under your wipers, but company bumper stickers stuck to your back windscreen! I’d hate to be the guy that came back to my car and found it looking like the one in the photo shown. 

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Nina on

Your writing is so funny, you have me laughing every time!

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