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  Athens, Attica, Greece
Sunday, November 16, 2008

Sunday was miserable. I couldn't bear the thought of one more day alone in the deafening silence of my apartment. Doubtless part of it is homesickness, but I'm also going through "extroversion deprivation." The difference between an extrovert and an introvert is not a loud vs. a quiet person, it's actually a question of the place from which you derive your energy. Introverts derive their energy from alone time, only able to recharge their batteries in contemplation and privacy. Extroverts derive their energy from other people, recharging their batteries on human interaction. Three days alone in the context of everything else that's been going on just about cracked me. And then there's the skin starvation I already wrote about.

Of course in addition to depression, I'm also feeling guilty about being down because it's disrespectful of this privilege I've been given to be in Greece and a terrible use of the handful of days I've got left

icon of mope

.

A better woman than I would have used the down time of the weekend productively: getting ahead on lesson plans, working on her book manuscript, even (imagine!) venturing outside to explore an unfamiliar part of Athens or trying a new taverna. Not me. I slept more hours than is seemly and then lay on the couch replaying Cure songs off YouTube (you KNOW you're a mess when you bust out The Cure). Going out didn't make much sense at the time - there's no difference in being alone in a crowd and being alone on your couch except that you can't cry along with "Pictures of You" in a taverna.

Finally I roused myself to take a little action. I put an SOS out on Facebook, inviting all the students over to my apartment that evening for an impromptu movie night. It was so last minute that only four students were able to show up, but I was so glad they came. Papia, Traveling Pants, Mama D, and Class Clown came to my rescue with cartons of melon juice, bags of potato chips, old school pop rocks candy (Mama D, who is an audio recording major, said the sound of pop rocks crackling in your mouth sounds like either television static or a burning woodfire), and the DVD of the movie Monsters, Inc. We had such a screamingly great time that I was afraid at any moment we'd get a noise complaint from the building manager. They left late into the night to grab a few hours' sleep before our excursion the next morning to Delphi.

I also want to give a shout out to Wreath of Roses, Wedding Belle, and Fred, who couldn't come to movie night but who have stepped up with small but meaningful acts of kindness for me [above and beyond feeding me dinner] over the past few days.

As I write this, three days have past since the events of Sunday. The desire to scratch my own flesh off in strips is still coming and going - I'm not able to surrender my black eyeliner just yet - but I emerged from the weekend having learned that I do actually have some resources internally and amongst the students to deal with it.

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