THE U A: The Truth About Krauts and Heebs
Trip Start
Nov 04, 2006
1
10
15
Trip End
Dec 03, 2006
Tikal,
Guatemala
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
So call me self-loathing (far from it, and you know this, mang) but Iīve seen some messed up antics in my travels from my fellow Americans. Sure thereīs the air conditioned whiners, the pants up over your chest whiteys, the lechs, the "why donīt these people understand my English?" crowd, the elitist resortists, the boho Camus reading vegan Clove-smokers, the white dudes with dreads, the watch TV at the hostel all day dweebs, the "latino" lovinī ladies, the "are we gonna get wet?" flip-flop first time rafters, the jet ski set, the cheap drug fetishists, the Chris Levercom in the Tropics dudes, the travellerīs checks passers, and, of course, the johns. What unifies all of us Staters is our conversation dominance, our penchant for speaking loud, and our being completely oblivious to the nuances of any culture that doesnīt have Subway. Point made.
But man, in my opinion, the majority of that shit pales in comparison (albeit barely) to some of the disturbing behavior of both the Germans and Israelis. The irony of these two cultures being singled out today should not be lost on you. But I ainīt lyinī, and I can only speak of what I see, but a majority of times you meet a cool Israeli, hang with them, and at some point, the price of something is contested, bitched about, or not paid at all. Some Israelis will be really cool to you until a larger pack of them comes around, then you get ignored. And the rudeness, itīs legendary.
Then the Germans, with their silly Deutsch-ness, itīs not to be believed.
01 La Ceiba Beach- No Rafting for me
If a group of Germans are having a bad day, they will take everybody down with them. The rudeness surpassed the Israelis in some cases Iīve seen. Iīm not talking towards locals but other tourists. This morning capped it when about twenty Germans tourist hung outside of where I was sleeping, smoking and speaking some loud ass Colonel Klink shit. I wouldīve told them to "Essen Scheisse" but I saw "They Save Hitlerīs Brain" and I hadnīt had my coffee yet. It may be unwise to post such controversial remarks for the world to see, but maybe, just maybe, and American, German, or Israeli will take heed these words and do something to stop negative stereotyping. That being said, I still yell "SSSSSSLAYER!!" after the mariachi band finishes playing.Back to less scathing politics, I most certainly spoke too soon when I said I did THREE paddle trips in the last entry. After my Class 4 "swim class" kayak debacle, my spirit was broken. But the next day, they convinced me to do the same section that smeared me earlier, but with a raft and 3 guides for the hell of it. I had rained all night and the river was up and pushy like a mofo. We DID NOT skip the first two and last kilometers (bring it) and it was raging!! We shot it, the Class 4 PLUSes whizzed by, the water was big and the rain was torrential, but it rocked. I was a free ride and rode it I did. Then they offered me a free rafting trip down the Rio San Juan with the guides the next day, but only if they couldnīt get a regular trip scheduled.
02 El Gallo is back, and TT is crabby
So I went back to La Ceiba with some people I met at the Lodge and introduced them to that addictive chicken. We did some barhopping and some guy kept following me around trying to sell me DVD bootleg porn. Do I fit some sort of profile? Guess so. We SERIOUSLY considered going to Crapplebeeīs (they have one at. the mall) for happy hour but thankfully didnīt and just went back to Zona Viva for 65 cent Salva Vidas. Met up with two Spanish Chicks and a Hondurena and went to a bar that might as well have been Applebeeīs anyways. Stayed out til 2am (atta boy) and gooch flowed. Topped off the evening with some ice cold Imperials on the rooftop terrace of our hotel. Had trouble sleeping due to the rain and extreme wind that night. Sounded like a hurricane with the waves crashing LOUD!!! Woke up and took a cab to the rafting office to find a NO GO on the free rafting trip. Hit a net cafe then caught a bus (six hours) to Copan Ruinas. Canīt say enough about the place I ate in that town. 10 bucks for 3 beers, chips and bean dip, rice, fries, pickled veggies, tortillas, fresh pico, and the biggest kabob of all time with beef, pork, corn, tomato, broccoli (?), onions, and peppers. I ate it all down to the last tortilla. Hit one bar, had one beer, and then, . .GOOD-night!! Hey, I saved cash. This plague on my body from sand fly bites is outrageous. I am covered in large hardened, chicken pox-like welts that itch unstoppably. It make me miss poison ivy, or at least that song by Faster Pussycat, anyway.
Woke up the next day, read my guide book and panicked that I didnīt have a Honduran visa stamp or a tourist card to return to Guate. So I took a cab to the border to either sweet talk or bribe my way across. Turns out ALL Central American countries now work off the same visa, making my trip for naught. Damn you, Rough Guide! So I had to go back to town for my crap, and come back. The border crossing bribe went up in the 2 weeks since I crossed. SOMEONEīs getting a PS for Christmas this year.
Note to self: If a money changer at the border speaks English, you are in for a ride.
Speaking of rides, my bus from the border to Flores, Guatemala was hauling ass in a way that would make Jeff Gordon blush. Remember what it looked like when the Millenium Falcom hit warp speed? Same thing, but with plastic bottles all over the road. (more SW stuff for Anna) I had an open window during this and at the end my hair looked like Hasselhoffīs in Knight Rider circa 1984. You know Iīm nothing without that windblown look.
A word about Gallo, the beer of Guatemala: Apparently the finest beer here, I guess the kind people of Guatemala like to lick goat balls. Cuz thatīs what it tastes like.
Next Entry: There will be giving of thanks.
Peace Love and Happy Goats,
TT
