THE UGLIEST AMERICAN: Cock, Stalk,and Peril
Trip Start
Nov 04, 2006
1
5
15
Trip End
Dec 03, 2006
Roatan,
Honduras
Sunday, November 12, 2006
cocktail. Forgive me, Anna, for I have drank. We'll
get to this broken promise after a few brief massages.
Massages of my ego, that is. I just got done with my
2 night stint in La Ceiba and I'm here to tell ya that
they should've called it HONDURASS, because jeans is
tight around these parts, and I'm certain y'all know
which "parts" I am referring to. Always a fan of
things beautifully round and shelf like (I certainly
found the right gal to throw down with), I understand
now why the Caribbean pirates were always preoccupied
with booty
Curse of El Gallo
. Sure, all I can do is look. But there isplenty to look at.
In La Ceiba, I went to the same clubs on both nights,
Friday was a yawn and Saturday it was on. Honduran
women are a bit, um, forward. It's casual, but pair
that with the fact that Honduran men always act like
they want to kick your ass for lusting after their
sister whom you've never met. I can honestly say that
La Ceiba is the first city I've felt GENERALLY unsafe
in since I've travelled around the globe. Sure, EVERY
town has its shady section (OK maybe not Minnetonka,
Dave, wait. . .you DO have a Big K( but this was the
first time ever that I felt uneasy waiting for a cab
in front of my hotel
La Ceiba Comfort?
. There are a bunch of scarydudes lurking around in the shadows every night. I
can see them from my hotel window, standing there
motionless in unlit doorways, just looking around
covertly. To this end, I alternated all night between
beer and Fanta (I know, I know, don't quit your GAY
job, TT) so I would not lose my wits. (or cash. or
life) Not too say that the locals I have met have
been unfriendly, quite the contrary. Tipping goes a
long way here, and the bartender will hook you up
large like nobody's bidness. The coldest beers, free
food, and well, a complimentary cocktail that got sent
my way at El Monaster, the largest La Ceiban club.
Rum? Dum. But I keep things copacetic by having DOS
Fantas
The hustle y bustle of La Ceiba
. El Monaster had more security than the Guatemala City
airport. When was the last time you ordered a beer
standing next to a dude with an automatic weapon. Yet
somehow, with all the heavy artillery, I watched two
fights break out. Now it's not like this place was
low rent, it looked like Tropix on Salsa Night, but
that coastal heat must get everybody all worked up.
So after a second night of saying "No va" to the
friendly ladies, I decided to head to the island of
Roatan. This happened because Saturday morning I got
picked up by Omega Jungle Lodge to go rafting but when
I got there the owner, Udo, told me that the Cangrejal
River was not holding water due to a freak dry spell
(then I started to complain that there's no rain.)
The Omega lodge LOOKED cool and I plan on returning to
paddle, bike and hike
The Rio Cangrejal, dry as a bone
. But Udo seemed a taddismissive and annoyed that I wasn't a group of ten
Danish tourists or something. I told him I would
return by Friday expecting to paddle something. The
guides were all Kiwis and seemed pretty cool. But as
we know, Kiwis are the last to stop drinking and the
first to get naked. So it may be an interesting stay
in the jungle when I return.
So I took the boat this morning to Roatan to chill out
on the beach and possibly, dive. It is more beautiful
here than on Utila, but also way more expensive. 27$
for my cabin, but its surrounded by plants and birds
and shit, and all sort of exotic little artifacts.
(and about 20 lethargic cats just lying around
everywhere)
So in case you are wondering when the weird, less than
believable stuff that I encounter on most trips is
gonna start
West End Roatan
. Wonder no longer. As I write this, I amunder siege, being stalked by a crazed, belligerent
rooster that lives on the grounds. Every few minutes
or so, he peeks in my windows, or "steps to me" when I
am on my porch. I'm not ashamed to admit that it is
kind of freaking me out. It's not the whispered
clucks or the evil chicken eye, its the deliberate
sound of little chicken footsteps walking stealthily
outside the window, and then they stop. It may sound
hilarious, but I'm pretty flocking far from HA HA LAND
right now. There may be cock punching in my future.
On a final note, Roatan is legendary for an
infestation of sand flies that are vicious and
everywhere. I am already covered in bites. Oh well,
I guess I can pass of the bacne as sand fly bites,
right?
Peace Love and Licken Chegs,
TT
