Tacki Tailors
Trip Start
Jun 15, 2007
1
78
104
Trip End
Dec 06, 2008
Hoi An,
Vietnam
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
There's a nice beach here that we didn't make half enough use of. Tam Tam Cafe have the most incredible chocolate fudge cake in the world!
We headed out one night looking for some happening spots which didn't really happen. Every place we tried was really really quiet. There was only small groups out but we made the most of it. In one haunt we met a few people and had a few then we all decided to go to a spot called the beach club. No idea what it was supposed to be like but what the hell. We all left to go in two's and threes,... mistake. Trying to get an honest motorbike taxi is impossible. The fellow myself and smurf met was a retard. Firstly he said he'd take three pple on the back of his bike for the one price, grand with us until we realized his bike was a total crock and after 30m stalled. Then with a bit of confusion and dealing with some other random locals on bikes he decided that it was for the best to redistribute his load, and still settle for the same price. That still sounded ok, thing that we didn't get though was that he had decided to take us somewhere that we hadn't asked to go. The spot was just around the corner 'King Kong' and it seemed busy when we got there. . . . . I just wasn't happy at this trickery! We were supposed to be going to some other spot where supposedly our newly acquainted friends had gone. I lost it with him and roared a litany of abuse at the gimp, o I let him have it. I tore off down the road in a huff with the lads, he could shove it up where the sun don't shine, he wasn't getting a dime off me. He followed us and hassled us for about a kilometer and eventually we amused him again and trusted his new phony promise to take us where we wanted to go. We were having a laugh at this stage and sur we didn't really give a dam. The three of us hopped on again, and again we went our 30m or so before the steed died a droning death. Our buddy decided he had had enough and made a b-line for it. Myself and Smurf stood in the middle of the road (did I forget to mention in our inebriated state) looking at the gimp twiddle with some fuel hoses for a few minutes and then try to kick start the bike yet another time. We went 30m we stopped for ten minutes we went half a kilometer we stopped for 5 minutes we went a kilometer at one kilometer an hour and stopped. Smurf then had an epiphany and decided he wanted to take over as your mad didn't have a clue what he was at according to him. Persistence meant that the gimp gave in and we decided to push start the bike, a concept that seemed new to the gimp. We got it going not a bother with a good push from myself. We waited for the gimp to catch up and off we drove for another kilometer and again the bike died. I opened the fuel tank and saw the cursed thing was bone dry. WHAT WERE WE DOING?. Myself and smurf again push started the bike and this time with me roaring behind him 'drive on drive on drive on' I leaped up on the back of it and now with our newly lightened load we started making some decent progress. I looked behind me and there was no sign of the gimp already, we'd lost him and stolen his bike. 'Drive on to F' I said, it serves him right the fool, what did he take us for. We went till it died again and then decided to get some directions from some dudes doing security for some guest houses. God only knows what time of the night it was. We reached a T junction where the beach was straight ahead. We looked up the road and down the road and there wasn't a sign of life anywhere. We pulled the bike around the corner and abandoned it at the side of the road. We strolled on for a few minutes then plonked ourselves down on the curb. All our efforts were in vain and we decided to throw in the towel. We decided to head back a different way but ended up on the same road back to the town after taking a few left hand turns. There was a bloody long distance ahead of us so I decided we should break into a trot. After about 20 minutes of galloping back up the road like raving lunatics we heard the familiar purr of the crock. Your man came up to us in a tear, you stole my bike you give me money you this you that bla bla bla. I wasn't taking that from the gimp and again hurled torrid abuse at him, as I said what the hell did he take us for. As we turned our backs and walked away from him he flung a stick at smurf, o he wasn't happy at that and the gimp wasn't happy at us. We squared up to the prick then he ran to the side of the road and found himself a nice block all cocky with himself. We walked up towards him me still spitting fire and he pulled back his hand, we didn't give a truepenny shit at this stage, he was an idiot. Murphy wanted a piece of him more than me but then I got a glimmer of sagacity for the first time in my life. Dam it I said enough is enough, I probably told the gimp to calm the f down or we'd kick his ass and then I tried to reason with him as to why we should give him any money. He totally changed in a split second and sat on his honkers at the side of the road and mouthed something about no money and being hungry. How many times had I heard that crap from these liars. I told him we'd give him the money when he got us back to our guesthouse. I had a bit of convincing to do to get the still hot headed Murphy onto the bike. We made it to within 50m of our guesthouse which was a miracle in itself. The gimp now had 30,000 dong coming to him, less than two dollars. I had no change and neither did my partner in crime and I knew that if I presented your man with a 50,000 or a 100,000 note he'd take it and look at me in his sad puppy brown eyes and say he'd no change. He wasn't getting the satisfaction so I woke the person at the door-watch in the guest house and managed to get the correct change. I gave it to your man and not to my surprise he wanted more, I'm sure he was saying something about 30,000 to get there and 30,000 to get back but I can't quiet tell because at this stage I was spitting fire and bawling so loud that I must have woken everybody with a street front room. I couldn't believe the audacity of this pain in the hole. When I walked in the door of the guest house the girl closed and locked the door behind me as quick as she could, your man was still ranting and the girl was saying 'he's crazy he's crazy'. She switched off the lights and I went up stairs and around the side of the building to make sure he left. After a few minutes of moping around and contemplating he took off! I don't think he had as tough a pair of customers as us in a long time!
We got the bus to da nang the next morning at 8am as planned. Just as well maybe because who knows what stunt crazy-fool could have pulled.
