Tubing madness and death defying stunts

Trip Start Jun 15, 2007
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Trip End Dec 06, 2008


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Flag of Lao Peoples Dem Rep  ,
Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Ireland is famous for many reasons, for Guinness and drinking in general, for being green, the wet weather, the women (what about them now is another thing), Bono, Bob and Bertie and for our ability to win gold medals in the Olympics when drugs are part of the equation. Well these are just a few. What Laos is famous for is Beer Lao and tubing, both of which you can experience at the one time in a spot called Vang Vieng. The beer part is simple, a cold 640ml 5% tasty beer in a big bottle. The tubing part is pretty simple too if you think about it; a black run of the mill tractor tire tube. Mix the two on a river lined with make shift bars and perilous swings and jumps into the river and you have one hell of a party which runs just about 365 days of the year. The day kicks off at about one o'clock, it's a vicious circle really because no sooner are you rested foddered and hydrated from the previous day's exploits and it's time to sign up again get your number stamped on your hand and take the tuk tuk ride to the launching point a few miles up stream and do it all over again flipped at the end
flipped at the end
 . 55,000kip for the rent of the tube 60,000 kip deposit refundable if you bring your tube back by 6pm, 40,000 otherwise. There isn't a hope in hell of making it back for 6 or even 7, somewhere between 7 and 8 o clock is a reasonable achievement. About 200 lunatics undertake the expedition most days all starting as righteous normal individuals in good health and most ending battered, bruised, flaming and an anything but normal big family of friends all sharing something in common. That common link between them or should I say us is that we all completed the most bizarre pub crawl on earth and have a multitude of cool stories all beginning with either did you see your man's belly-flop or did you see your one jumping in at the last bar or something on those lines. . . .  Well now, I have to explain one or two entries into the water which I pulled off, not without injury, but defiantly with some degree of acrobatic style. Second day first bar possibly the highest if not the second highest swing where the take off platform is about 30 ft from the water, the madness began. Not next or near drunk but full of morning madness was I and I wanted to do something new that I hadn't already seen somebody else do. I decided to climb the tree to the platform grab the bar of the swing with both hands swing out, change to an upside down position and hang on by my knees and then finally dive head first into the water. Sounded good (good and dangerous) and off I wandered, up the tree, out onto the platform, grabbed the bar, swung out holding by my arms, got to the upside down holding on by my knees position, started to slip and actually ended up holding on by my ankles like those guys in the circle, realized I was ok with it, did another half swing and launched myself into a dive into the river jumping from swing one
jumping from swing one
 . As soon as I surfaced in the river I realized I had a big fan club in the bar all of whom were clapping and cheering at my performance, needless to say I was well chuffed with myself, and not a scratch in sight. . . .  The second stylish entry was neither planned or as graceful but definitely dramatic. There was a zip-line from another make shift platform at a different bar further down which ran for about 30 or 40 m out diagonally over the river and a couple of meters high at the lowest end point. At the end you would get a sudden jerk once the zip device you were holding hit the end of the line which would flip you in the air, possibly 360 degrees before landing you in the water. Off I went up to the platform, grabbed the bar of the zip thing a ma jig jumped off and instead of just hanging on like a normal person I decided to start swinging back and forward. The timing was bang on that when I was swinging forward I hit the end of the line at the exact same time and my momentum sent me spinning like a boomerang 360deg after 360 deg in the air and wham splat onto my belly and face onto the water with such force that my eyes got fucked up and swollen and my nose bled. Afterwards I realized I didn't have the same audience as I did earlier but some of the lads said I spun 3 and a half times in the air before hitting the water, dammed if I know. Of course the useless prick Murphy managed to fuck up the photos yet again, retard! I do have video proof of my upside down entry though, so doubt me not. As well as these nutty swings etc there is mud volleyball (check the pics) along with normal volleyball, bowls, pool, catapult targets, bonfires, buckets of spirits and bottles of Lao whiskey amongst the pubs all infused with a general jaw dropping awe and wonder at the entire set up as well as a great respect and common mentioning for unknown genius that founded the pilgrim lift off
lift off
 . And hell no you cannot go without mentioning the stunning backdrop landscape against which it's all set, sheer rocky mountains with strips of trees where ever the surface doesn't seem to give way and often shrouded with low hanging clouds.
A one line explanation as to how it works.
1. rent the tube
2. get tuk tuk to starting poing
3. throw tube into the water and jump on
4. let the current take you to a bar and be pulled in by a local holding a bamboo or bottle tied onto a rope
5. acquire a beer or bucket at the bar
6. repeat steps 3 to 5 all day as well as mingling in the various activities and try to stay in one piece
 7. leave the last bar once all your wet money is spent, your camera is sopping and your ready for the relaxing half hour float down to the un-signposted endpoint in the moon light
An outstanding family day out, thanks Laos.
 
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