Phan2sea
Trip Start
Jan 18, 2007
1
14
17
Trip End
Jul 01, 2008
Zhongshan,
Guangdong,
China
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Quite a lot has happened since I last sent any kinda of update. I'll start with the old section of information and birthdays. It's my birthday today and it's my first day off in my apartment so I thought I'd get on with blogging. Happy Birthday to me. I'm going out for Dog Hot Pot this evening and I've had 2 parties which I shall come to in a little while.
On the information front Harry was given an early Birthday present when Sarah said she would come out to China in July when I have a holiday and travel around with me until mid August when she will start teaching with me here in GuZhen. So I am a happy boy. She also posted me some presents in the post which arrived on Thursday and I signed for using my foot, you'll find out why in just a short time.
So last time I sent any kind of information I was just starting my teaching here, I've now done 2 full weeks of 26 teaching hours each and god know how many hours planning. Whoever said being a teacher was an easy job was a fool. The good news however is I love it. I'm having more fun than you could possibly imagine. Aside teaching, I've started drinking beer, made a few new friends, met the other English teachers in the main city and been to visit them, I've had a hair cut and a tattoo. I've also visited KTV and seen the main reason people should always wear helmets when on Chinese roads, I've even had my first bad day which included a small hissy fit and a tantrum
I'll start with that my perhaps most depressing and disgusting of my tails. I was on my way into the office to teach one of my 3 adult classes a week. As I was approaching the turn off I heard a massive screech in the distance and saw a truck plough into the back of a moped. Sadly the moped driver wasn't wearing any head protection and brain matter ended up all over the road. Something I don't ever wish to see again. I was a little shaken and the lesson that evening was probably one of my less energetic. That's about all I've seen in what I would class as the gross department. Unless you count cooked rat as gross. Aside eating sleeping an teaching I've been increasing my obsession for Americas top crime drama Law and Order Special Victims Unit. It's trash terrible, addictive entertaining trash. God bless the internet.
As I said I have been into the city a few times on the most recent occasion I had my body mutilated (through choice) and got myself a nice new tattoo on my foot. It's my Chinese name. Juan Long Bing which obviously means Dragon King with Vitality. Let me please tell you now I didn't choose this name, it was given to me by my Chinese teacher who judged my personality and gave me the name based on that. This is how I signed for my birthday package with my foot. When posty asked me for my Chinese name I just whipped my shoe and sock off and pointed. Before any of you say or even think that I've probably got some thing like Chop Suey or stupid westerner written on my foot I haven't. It's been checked by a number of independent sources all of whom read it as I expected. It fucking hurt though. Well I say that. 2 of the characters were fine it was the middle one place on the bone that hurt the most.
Straight after my tattoo I went to get my haircut, the strange this was I was more nervous about that as I had seen the mess they'd made of other peoples hair and after my incident in Rio which left me scared.
My journey back on a bus with metal seats wasn't particularly comfortable especially when it broke down 20 minutes from GuZhen and I had to wait in the road for another bus and stand next to a puker. It was pretty rank. Just hanging on with one hang and a vomit bag open with the other merrily chucking away.
The next week it rained for the first time here and I took the clever idea of cycling into the office despite the incident the week before. I made it alive though, just as I was getting up to the office I saw Nina one of my colleagues I waved, as I did so I rode onto the slippery surface in the park which was now covered in water. The bike went from under me and I broke my fall with my left shoulder. It really hurt. I think it was just a bruise. It still hurts a little but I can write on the board in class now, I can also get undressed without screaming in agony. Which is something that concerned one of my neighbours so much he felt compelled to come and ask if I was ok. I really was wailing like a little girl.
I managed to go the rest of the week unscathed and made it through to Saturday. This was my angry day, where I was undermined by another teacher in my special class in school where students come along if they want extra English classes, they are considered the cream of the crop. Anyway this stupid bitch of a teacher asked if anyone was giving me a problem in my speaking English class. I said no, because there were no problems. She then went on to say 4 girls were becoming an issue because they were talking too much (In English I might add) and that they were impeding the learning of the other students. So she has now, against my will, removed my 4 best and most active students from the class. I am still pissed off about it and I think I will complain to my director. It's just not on.
That night it was my turn to lead an English workshop our school runs. I was a bit nervous not because of the class but because the week before a student of ours, who is also a mother of a student came onto me a little too much and I had to run away and out for dinner with my boss Dom. She came over and offered for me to eat with her then she would give me some "treats" a nice invitation but I am so far out her league it's untrue. Plus I was completely sober. She didn't turn up to my workshop though so I was happy.
After English Corner as we like to call it we were invited out by one of our more affluent students to go to KTV. KTV is cool, it's pretty much my dream night out. You are taken (past armed guards) into a corridor with a lot of doors coming off it. Then you are put in a room with a private toilet and left to sing Karaoke. I have had a Karaoke craving for about a year now and I could do it in the privacy of a room with only friends around. So we drank far too much beer literally stupid amounts of beer. When a Chinese person Cheers' you you have to down you beer and they were saying Cheers so much that night. After KTV (at about 03:00) Dom and I were driven to the a kebab shop. Although it wasn't a shop and it didn't sell kebabs it was however filled with people from the Mafia.
It was a tent in the middle of nowhere, the kind of place where you ask where the toilet is and they point to behind the tent. Anyway they sold lots of delicious food, spicy noodle, prawns, beef, sausage, octopus and some delicious oysters. I ate so much and it was so cheap. Well it was free for me but it was cheap for Michael our host. I got home at about 4 and decided I needed a coffee so I made it and threw it across the kitchen making a less than half arsed drunken effort to clean up my mess. I regretted that the next morning.
It was time for my party on the Sunday and my new Chinese friends and work mates all convened at Dom's apartment for some chat and beer. I was given my presents by my colleagues and then taken out for Korean food with our rich buddies. It was delicious, I shall be posting some pictures tomorrow as I am going out again in a few minutes to have my birthday meal. Dog Hot Pot. Boy am I excited.
I'm bored of writing now I think it's probably time I went and had some birthday fun.
Love Y'all
Hxx
What started as a dream soon became a Pha2sea.
I'll start with important birthday news today. Tomorrow is my oldest and finest friend Brettos Dadbidos' 24th Birthday. I'd like to wish him many happy returns for the day as it is now 21 long happy years I have had the pleasure of knowing the weirdest most delightful person to ever walk the planet. I'm sorry I can't be around to celebrate this with you buddy but you know I'll be there in spirit. The 15th of April is also another very important day as it's my grandma's birthday. So a big happy birthday grandma I hope you have a great day. That's a reminder for you too day. It isn't in May!
Other news is one of an anniversary of sorts. It's coming up to a year, on the 18th, that I left England and began writing my blog. In the past 12 months I have written 35 entries. Which comprise of a total of over 66,000 words. I have visited 13 different countries and 9 football stadiums in that time, I've met dozens of great people and tens of dozens of not so great people. I've become a teacher and taught over 600 students. My mileage along the journey has totalled over 40,000 and my carbon footprint is now huge. I'd firstly like to thank everyone who has put up with my rants along the way and stuck with reading my blog. It means a lot to me that a few of you actually care enough to go on reading them despite their length and often quite frankly boring content. I'd also like to thank everyone I've met along the way you've made the past year one of the most enjoyable and enriching years of my life.
I've made some great new friends. Most of them have fallen by the wayside but a few I feel will remain close for a long time to come. People like Jasper (Phillipe) a man who shares my passion for all things football. Tracey whom I met in Buenos Aires and Kan the boy who showed me the delights of the Maracana on 13 separate occasions. A big thanks to everyone.
Ok so enough of the thanks and pleasantries onto the blog.
I last spoke to you early on my birthday. That evening I went out for a meal with my fellow Bondites (my colleagues) We ate dog hot pot. Which was pretty nice to be honest. Nothing special, tasted similar to mutton. The meal was fun but was cut short somewhat with an excruciatingly painful toothache washing over me. I got home and couldn't sleep that night through the pain and violent vomiting it brought on. It wasn't the most pleasant ending to my birthday. The next morning I was escorted to a Chinese dentist by one of the schools English teachers, who incidentally don't speak particularly good English. When I arrived at the dentist I was ushered into his living room where he had a dentist chair set up next to his TV set and dinner table. I had a strange feeling washing over me. Something I don't normally get at the dentist but it was one of complete fear. I've seen the state of peoples teeth in this country and they aren't the best in the world. I told the teacher what was wrong and the cause of it, I knew because it was the same as when I was in Argentina and my wisdom teeth were coming through. I expected some pain killers. Oh no. It wasn't the wisdom teeth apparently. My tooth was too big. Ok I thought. It has been the right size for the past 16 years of my life but if you say so. What happened next I was not expecting at all. He pulled out his antique dentist drill told me to open wide. I said no at first but the pain in my tooth was so much I just went with the flow. He started drilling. Shaving some tooth off the bottom. I don't know if any of you have had your teeth drilled before but it isn't the most comfortable thing in the world. Especially when the wanker doesn't use any kind of anaesthetic. He told me if I felt pain hold up my hand. I held up my hand, he just kept drilling. Now I've had my gonads smashed about the place throughout my years and the pain doesn't even come close to what I was feeling. After he stopped he asked if it felt any better. I wanted to say yes because of the pain but the tooth ache was still there so he went ahead and drilled a hole through the middle of my tooth and filled it with a piece of cotton and that was it, I was apparently cured. I'll admit the tooth ache faded but I feel that's only because I have about 50% less tooth remaining in my mouth. I was given a strange looking concoction of drugs and sent on my way. I didn't go to school that day, I slept and thought about what it use to be like when I had a normal tooth in my mouth and how good it use to feel to chew on the right hand side of my mouth. I just need to go somewhere to get it filled now.
That weekend I went to the city to celebrate my birthday with my birthday twin sally who was born half an hour after me. So I joined the group of teachers from the city for a meal and drinks.
It turned out to be a fairly amusing night. After we'd eaten we went to an "Irish" bar. Where we ordered 4 drinks each as they were buy one get one free. They also brought us and extra one each for some reason. It was a strange green fruit punch. Apparently made for Paddies day. I demolished mine and moved onto the larger which I have acquired a taste for after years of hating. Hopefully I wont develop a Bob style beer gut, I think its unlikely somehow.
At some point in this inebriated evening myself and Aske stumbled upon a genius idea. Let's start a boy band!
He agree immediately, this was a great idea. We roped Martin in and our different edge is going to be having Jasper in a live 3D video feed on stage with us.
It was decided I would have to be the junky in and out of Rehab tattooed rapper Robbie/Jay style member. Aske is the spiritual one and Martin is the Gay one. Jasper is going to be the intellectual stylish one.
We hit upon a great band name and our entire story. We are Phan2Sea and we are here to stay, before a brief break up and then a reconciliation tour making more money than the Backstreet Boys and Take That combined.
The night went on to friends bar when I drank on with the ladies. Whom I escorted home. I held Sallys hair back as she vomited and showed Lucy to bed as she was literally bouncing off the walls. Then i took my place in the spare room slept for 3 hours and took the bus home before anyone had risen. I was still a bit drunk so I didn't get a hangover thankfully.
Right I'm off to bed I have work in the morning and another blog to write about my shanghai adventure and all my extra hours. How exciting.
Love y'all
Hxx
