Probably the Most Boring Place on the Planet

Trip Start Nov 29, 2012
Trip End May 10, 2015

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What I did
Bugger All

Flag of Australia  , Queensland,
Monday, May 27, 2013

Due to the fact I was sold a mightily rubbish bus pass back in Brisbane with one of my only dealings with travel agents here in Australia, I couldn't leave Rainbow Beach until 7pm, meaning I wouldn't arrive at Agnes Water/1770 until after midnight. My journey wasn't assisted by the fact that the bus was rammed with chavvy English girls who were squabbling over seats, I mean, honestly. It was all 'That was maaaaaaaaa seat ya slag' and so on and so forth. Its times like these I regret selling Felicity the Festiva. May she rest in peace There was some relief in that, for the first part, I sat next to a very tall blue eyed blonde Danish lad called Anders who was nice before pilfering two empty seats together and managing to sleep all the way to Agnes Water. Thank goodness.

To be perfectly honest, I should have just slept the whole time I spent in that place which was a VERY long couple of days. Agnes Water, where my hostel was, had a grand total of two tiny shopping precincts, a petrol station, a museum and a library and some houses. And that my friends, was pretty much it. And a beach, of course. Every town on the East Coast as I've discovered, has a beach. 

After arriving at 1am feeling like a zombie and with a chin covered in drool (attractive huh?) I slept pretty well, until around 7am that is when I was woken by bizarre reggae music, playing over and over in a loop. As a backpacker sadly, a good night's sleep is a very rare commodity. The biggest threat to a good night's sleep are the snorers. The night before I went to Fraser Island, I was unfortunate enough to be sharing a dorm with a highly unpleasant, rather tubby German guy who snored like a pig and shouted out random German phrases in his sleep along the lines of 'Schnell schnell.' So you can imagine my delight when he was one of the first people I encountered at Agnes Water, along with a Dutch girl who looked like a snake and seriously didn't like me and who I'd had the misfortune of meeting all the way back in Port Macquarie. Joy.

The weather however did seem pretty bright and sunny so I headed to the beach with a German and Israeli guy who seemed alright, but quite frankly, I would have rather gone myself. I knew straight away I didn't like the vibe in the whole town at all, it was very redneck and the hostel itself it seemed to be full of older, long term, backpackers who were very cliquey. Apart from the Danish guy, there wasn't really anyone there I actually wanted to talk to, at all. The beach was nothing special ever, although, its one claim to fame is that it boasts the cheapest surf lessons in Australia at $17 for three hours. Which isn't half bad. Technically, I haven't had a proper lesson in Aus yet, the only one being a very informal one with Marcel in Coffs Harbour (ah Marcel). Seeing as I've now been here for more than six months, I figured that I should at least have one, even though I'd been completely hopeless at my first attempt. But more about that later.

After a very non descript afternoon which involved walking around the shops (took a grand total of 30 minutes and that was with some SERIOUS meandering going on) I decided to go on an organised sunset walk to 1770.

The only reason I even stopped off at Agnes Water was because of 1770. Its famous for being the first place that Captain Cooke landed in Queensland when he discovered Australia. And I thought, well, that is a pretty cool name for a town, I have to see it. In my head, I pictured a quaint, historical little town on a par with York. A fellow backpacker even told me that he'd spent about five days there and thought it was really interesting.

He lied.

1770 consisted of one hotel and three houses. I'm not even joking, there was NOTHING else, AT ALL. The disappointment was threefold, that was when I actually even got there in the first place. There was a massive demand for the sunset walk, mostly because there was bugger else to do and the crappy minibus could only take eight people. Everyone pushed in front of me in an enmasse stampede so I was the only one who couldn't get in! There was however room for me and everyone else told me just to jump in (rather than offer me their place). So, being the lemming that I am, I went and jumped in. Big mistake. The grumpy manager spotted me and went absolutely beserk, telling me to get the hell out of the minibus and what the f**k was I doing?! I was so taken aback I didn't know what to say! 

Thankfully, after some persuasion, the minibus came back and picked me up and we sat and drank dreadful goon and ate crisps while watching the sunset. Admittedly, it was rather pretty but when clambering over some rocks on the way to the lookout, I fell awkwardly and ended up with a massive gash in my leg. Fail.

That evening, whilst playing Scrabble, I again got yelled at by the manager, this time for sitting on a table. The fact that we had resorted to playing Scrabble probably indicates how bored we were, there was literally nothing else to do. And when I went to bed, I opened the door to my dorm to see a bunch of guys sat round in a circle, with blaring music, rum and the biggest pile of weed I had ever seen. Accompanied by my tin foil which they'd stolen from the kitchen to roll their joints. Unimpressed didn't cover the half of it. After making the mistake of trying to talk to one of these complete imbeciles, who was so stoned he looked like he was on another planet and couldn't even string a sentence together. I gave up and went to bed, with the added addition of some ear plugs and a foul mood.

The following day was slightly more eventful in that I went for my very first surf lesson. Agnes Water is the last place on the East Coast where you can safely swim in the sea. Beyond towards the tropics, you're likely to get munched by a shark or fall prey to a stinger (jellyfish) you get all sorts of horrible ones out here. So after grabbing a board, there were around twenty five of us, cramped in one corner of the huge beach with only two instructors between us. So it was hardly a surf lesson at all, more like a complete melee. Everyone else seemed to get the hang of it, except me, because quite frankly, I just couldn't be bothered. The number of people who repeatedly got in my way drove me half demented so I gave up and ended up bodyboarding instead. By the time I'd battled against the waves, I barely had any energy to even get on my board, let alone stand on it! And when I did manage to stand, I kept forgetting to bend my knees and would fall straight off again, usually accompanied by a massive yelp! 

At one point, when I told someone to get out of my way, one of the instructors came up to me and shouted at me for 'talking too much?!' I mean, whaaaaaaat? He should have been more concerned with the fact that I could barely even get on my bloody surfboard than reprimanding me for telling some eejit to move it! At one point, I merrily lay on my board and let it carry me all the way back to shore, it was great! This was however accompanied by some seriously unimpressed looks from the lifeguard on the beach! 

So all in all, a tad of fail. I think that is well and truly the end of my dabbling in surfing. 

In the afternoon, it rained. If Agnes Water is boring when its sunny, you can only imagine how dull it is when it's peeing down. I literally sat in the library all afternoon, probably the highlight of the whole town in a bid to try and avoid the douchebag hostel manager who it seemed enjoyed shouting at everyone, not just me. 

My bus to Airlie Beach couldn't come quickly enough, I cannot tell you.

Lesson learned: do not go to a town because it has a cool name. Nine times out of ten, it'll be a let down of epic proportions as muggins here discovered. Oh dear :(



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