Trip Start Sep 28, 2011
Trip End Ongoing

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Flag of Nicaragua  ,
Saturday, December 10, 2011

You've got to laugh to keep yourself from crying haven't you? I sit staring at the FedEx parcel on my bed.  The empty FedEx parcel on my bed.  Which should contain my debit card.  And it doesn't.  Why doesn't it?  It's a simple thing really.  Put something in an envelope, put it in a post box, and it arrives at it's destination a few days later, complete and intact.  This is the modern age; however I've discovered  my naivety knows no bounds. 

Some Nicaraguan customs official has seen fit to open my parcel and detain it in Managua.  According to the instructions, kindly translated for me by Laura, the hostel owner, I am to present myself in the capital and pay some kind of 'fee'.  Ransom more like.  Shower of thieving, corrupt little bastards.  Robbed on the streets, and robbed by the government.  Steam screams out of my ears with a face like a beetroot, and I begin formulating plans for a military coup.  I'll start by trying to take the shot gun from the guy guarding the bank.

I'm deadly serious.  I'm off to do it now.

I'm not really.  I envisage giving the officials a piece of my mind, when I'll just go in with a mildly pissed off look on my face and a threatening eyebrow.  That'll tell 'em.  Don't mess with me.  You'll get glared at.

Speaking of military coups, it still sounds like there still is one happening on my doorstep.  It's doing nothing for my already nervous disposition.  Someone needs to take explosives off these kids and give them kinder eggs.  No wonder Central America is messed up when you've got children playing in the streets with rocket launchers.  It's November 5th on acid.

What else to tell you?  Oh yeah; some girl in the local bar calls me a pervert.  I was just meeting her for the first time, and within a few minutes she slurs "you look like a pervert", a couple of inches from my cheek.  Now either she was drunk (likely) or she's had a moment of clarity, veracity and exactitude, and actually sees me for who I am. 

Pervert.  Verb. (Used with object)

1. To affect with perversion. 2. To lead astray morally. 3. To turn away from the right course. 4. To lead into mental error or false judgment. 5. To turn to an improper use; misapply.

I am a pervert.

Of course she was referring to the noun version of the word.  Sexual perversion.  Now I think this is slightly unfair, and I wouldn't go that far.  Most of the time.  I do try my best to not look like a pervert though.  That's the first time anyone has ever said I look like a pervert.  It's a new experience.  And I was wearing my kilt.

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