Brokeback bromo - My first volcano and crazy yanks
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Tengger Caldera,
Java,
Indonesia
Monday, August 4, 2008
The coach dumped me and the other collective westerner travellers off at a roadside travel agency at 3am in the morning. Awoken from my slumber with the usual grace and wit of "what the fuck you said we'd be getting there at 6am uuuuuuh?!?!"
I stumbled into the shining lights of the small pod like cell of a "travel agency". The Volcano i had come to see was 20 miles away, only accessible by "special" bemo that'd cost double the normal price, oh and they were the "only" company that sold onwards tickets to the next town, and there was no public transport, and and and, this and that and, the world is flat honest and you are lost in the desert without a compass etc etc etc. In short, we'd be dropped off at a right shit hole of a town and conned, welcome to Java.
Needless to say, bugger this for a game of soldiers, so i went back outside and played chess with the local taxi/bemo/tuk tuk* drivers till the sun rose and the magical public "bemo's" appeared.
*(public mini buses) as apposed to the private ones put on by companies, just for you my friend, special price, bestest price for my tourist friend!
The ride upto the summit of the volcano, a small town from which you can walk right upto the "lip" or rim of the volcano was amazing in itself, it was great to watch the scenery changing, the buildings becoming less and less frequent, the landscape becoming more barren, it reminded me of those cheesy "lifeless" 1970's star trek planets you'd see dr spock being transported to, jim theres nothing here, but finally we pulled up to what i imagine was the local village/tourist huddle of hotels, and made our way finding somewhere to stay.
After the bus ride/tout showdown i was knackered and spent the day looking out over our cafe balcony (score!) at the volcano where i had a perfect view, the locals offered me some food, i was a bit hesitant wondering what kind of grub they made up here, but i looked into the cooking pot, DUMPLINGS! they went down well.
I booked some onwards travel at the hotel reception (you no book with travel agency??? GOOD MAN GOOD MAN!!! THEY SELL TOO BIG PRICE FOR YOU!) and then retired to my bed at 9pm, given that i had to be up at 4.30am to make the mile walk over to the volcano to see the sun rise. Goodnight john-boy, good night marie-ann etc etc etc, it was proper rural here but seemed ok, little did i know just how weird this place could get!
Maybe its the mountain air that causes people to do strange things up here, thats certainly a factor i guess....
At 4am the whole hotel seems to wake up collectively to the sound of glass smashing, it transpired that an american girl had missed the transport connections that take people up to one of the vantage points that overlook the volcano, this was the hotel's fault she claimed, the manager retold the story to us with vivid hand actions and pointing as he wiped his eyes, not only had the lass freaked out about missing the sunrise/coach, when they refused to refund her citing it as her fault, she had maced (yes the anti rapist spray stuff) the poor lad, chucked rocks through the cafe windows and done a runner with her bags, yelping and cursing like a deranged banshee i imagine as she made her way down the hill.
I looked knowingly across the breakfast table at my canadian counterpart....."tut, women!!" he suggested "......."il bet you breakfast she was from the US"......i ate for free that morning, bloody yanks!
But no the madness did not end there, i wanted to go visit the volcano myself and the yank had unwittingly woken me from my slumber in good time, so i made my way partly down the steep canyon towards the volcano plains you have to work your way through to reach the volcano.......until i was met by a man and his horse.
No common word was spoken but i got the point, did i want to ride the horse across the plains to the volcano, images of clint eastwood filled my mind, why the frick not tis an experience afterall, and so i thought what the heck and off we went! Not quite looking like the sundance kid or whatever cowboy you want to call to mind but it was fun never the less and the volcano itself is amazing!
Perhaps it was too much fun for some people. Now i reckon the lack of air up in the mountains can account for making the tourists go a bit scitzo but as for the locals, well judging on what happened next im going to be graceful and say it's probably inbreeding, ouch you might think, well my male pride got a battering, luckily nothing else!
So id viewed the volcano and the horse guy had taken me back to the hotel saddled up his horse and waited while i went to get the money from my room, it was whilst i was there rummaging around my room for the cash that i noticed he was standing by the doorway, smiling his toothless grin (two missing front teeth, locals!).
He made a gesture towards me, ahhh innocence, naivety i thought the guy was suggesting he wanted a drink! i told him i didnt have any water, pointing towards my empty water bottle, he looked confused and made the same gesture, it being about 5am and me having had 3 hours sleep it took about 10 seconds to register what he was trying to ......OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT IN THE NAME OF YOU DIRTY BAST......?!!?!?!
It pretty much took all my restraint (read none) to stop me from giving him a slap round the lugs, as his face turned from cheeky and suggestive to oh shit this hasnt quite turned out how i planned as i set off after him, yelling a stream of insults, dont get me wrong im not homophobic in the slightest, but this guy had come into my room, closed the door and ......... tried to proclaim a bit "cheeky cheeky" time........ that got me mad. It was lucky the hotel manager intervened (but then proceeded to start slapping him round the head when i told him the story) and the guy quicktailed it away from the hotel without his money or a new friend.
Well thats the story of my first volcano......one to remember??
