DOMINEY FAMILY VACATION - Photo Edition
Trip Start Feb 22, 2007
27Trip End Aug 22, 2007
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If you ask me, what could be better than having your girlfriend thumb through her old yearbook, willing you to relive those classic moments with her? What about the thrill that runs up your spine when your dad breaks out the old film projector for the holidays?
Well, actually, the only home movie that makes me feel nostalgic is the Pam and Tommy sex tape. Ahh, the Internet´s golden age. I have a feeling I´ll be telling my future son about that one like how an old man complains about today´s music.
¨Now my boy, that was a sex tape.¨
Anyway, my goal today is to capture that same ¨heart-clenching¨ photo album excitement and bring it to the blog form. The occasion? A visit to Argentina from my mom and brother. Roll the highlight film:
Joyce and Scott walk through the Buenos Aires airport gates and I´m immediately drawn to my brother´s head. He´s shaved it for the first time and I think I´ve got him. His hairline looks terrible, just look at that male pattern baldness.
I think to myself, ¨Not only do I have more hair than him, but this is just the reason why I should hang on and not shave my head.¨
But just to be sure, we should literally go head-to head. The floor´s yours Michael Buffer:
¨In the left corner, with a head weight of at least 50 pds, we have Steve ¨Beaver Pelt¨ Dominey. And in the right corner, at three-and-a-half years his junior, the one, the only, the ¨Rapidly Receding¨ Scott Dominey... Let´s Get Ready to Combover.¨
Judge Mills Lane: ¨Okay gentleman, I want to see a clean hairline. No Rogaine, special shampoos that promise to stop thinning hair, or whatever the hell Bobby Hull slapped on his head. Touch scalps and take your corners.¨
Sorry about that last picture, I needed to distract you from the fact that Scott clearly has more hair than me. By a long shot. I still look good though, right guys? Phew, that´s what I thought.
Now, it´s time to stroll through lovely Buenos Aires. Sara´s been taking photos of me mimicking statues in streets, churches and parks all over South America, but with my brother here, I think this exercise got a little out-of-hand. You be the judge:
Photos taken prior to my brother´s arrival:
Photos taken during my brother´s stay:
Ahh, my butt in all of its glory. What was that mom?
¨You´re bloody 26 years old, grow up! That´s disgusting, who wants to see your ass anyway? You just ruined my day.¨
Actually, my mom wasn´t a fan of any of our posed photos, especially the ones we took at Argentina´s famed Recoleta cemetery (burial site of Evita).
Me: ¨C´mon mom, it´ll be a hilarious shot. You and Sara just need to get down and bow to me.¨
Mom: ¨No, I don´t see anything funny about it. It´s disrespectful.¨
Sara: ¨Actually, I was thinking Steve and Scott could be bowing at your feet.¨
Mom: ¨Okay, maybe just this one.¨
In a cemetery mom? You should be ashamed of yourself.
And that´s nothing. She rode a horse and a bicycle, drank exorbitant amounts of wine, paid for most of the dinners and hotels (love you mom) and even went white-water rafting.
Readers in unison: ¨No, not more shots of you in a wetsuit?¨
Me: ¨You guessed it suckers!¨
I know that was horrible for you, but just imagine the photo shoot. We actually got Sara to shoot those.
Sara: ¨Okay boys, touch your toes, show me those luscious rumps. That´s nice, that´s nice, Scott, I´m really liking what you´re showing me. Steve! What are you thinking? More crotch thrust, more crotch thrust....that´s better. Beautiful baby, and that´s a rap.¨
And if you liked those, how about these two of Scott and I a dress?
C´mon, how happy are you that I didn´t actually wear a skirt?
But while I refused to show my inner-Marv Albert, I think its become shockingly clear just how immature I am. And with the damage already done, I see no reason not to post these two videos Scott and I shot in Buenos Aires. One of them deals with the use of bidets in the country while the other takes a look at Argentina´s Playboy magazine.
In order to view them, you need computer speakers, patience, and as always, the sense of humour of an 8 year-old.
While you´re waiting for those to download, take a look at Scott´s attempt to make an Esteban-esqe transformation. Because there´s no spanish translation for the name ¨Scott,¨ he´s asked to be referred to only as ¨Julio.¨
Still downloading? I know, I know, just keep reading and we´ll get there. In the mean time, I might as well clear my conscience about something that´s been bothering me. I killed that Austrian guy from Bolivia´s Death Road. Here´s the shocking proof:
Actually, that´s my friend Jeremy´s handy work. But now that I know this type of photo manipulating service is available, the sky´s the limit for these blogs. In the next edition, look for me partying at Brazil´s Carnaval (held every February), comforting Paris Hilton in her jail cell (sadly only available in pathetic grainy, night-vision) and hoisting the Stanley Cup with the Anaheim Mighty Ducks.
Speaking of which:
You didn´t think the Sens would win did you? Ahh, how adorable. Let´s see some more:
That last one is my favorite.
Cue bowl of cream of wheat slamming:
Beautiful. Just beautiful.