Ko Pan-Ngan Thai Islands
Trip Start
Dec 09, 2007
1
34
52
Trip End
Jul 07, 2008
Ko Tao,
Ko Tao,
Thailand
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
4/22/08
Back in Thailand in the islands. Highlights here are some good tunes, the Backyard, and Lia. Tonight I decided I'd leave for a healing center north of here called the sanctuary. Considered going first to check it out so went to the pier. The long tail drivers sitting around a table, looking rather doe eyed and high said it was too rough to go out. They said it with such casual ease as if they were really saying, "this is our excuse to not work today and we like it." I waited around a bit for other tourists to show and make the necessary 6 needed for a truck taxi to make the run to Haad Tien. In the mean time met Anna who had just come off a 3 mo. yoga teacher training on the West of the Island. We had a pleasant convo. about yoga and her future with it. I had a nice Indian dinner on my way back and then went swimming and bumped into the biggest jelly I'd seen in person
Haad Drin Beach Koh Pan-Ngan
. Swimming backwards my arm brushed something and I turned with no more than a moment to maneuver away from this thing, maybe 2 feet in diameter. Bindi and T who work for the Leela bungalows said the storms bring them in. Walked into town to pick up a Paolo Cuelo book based on a few syncronistic references from Lia, Joel, and The Chad (aka gil). Passed by the movie cafe and the beach was on. Had to see this here. Ordered one of the best shakes I've had, mixed fruit with honey and I asked for some ginger as well. The movie was perfect for the moment even if Di Caprio's character pisses the hell out of me...stereotypical arrogant and naive and shallow American.
There's a scene when after he's already made it and called home to the beach, which by the way is Koh Pi Pi near hear that he and the leader of the group need to make a rice run to Koh Pan Ngan which is where I'm writing this from. He describes the scene in contrast to the peace and serenity of his beach as a cancer and the crazed partiers and loud active ambiance as viruses. Bit harsh but started to put some things into perspective around my reclusiveness amidst the biggest and most anticipated party I've encountered yet on these travels.
I'm sure some other things resonated and I also managed to sit next to mareka a swedish girl I'd met the first night I was here
Haad Drin Beach Koh Pan-Nga
. We had a delightful and deeper conversation next to the waves and I spent a lot of time meandering around hoping I'd see her again. I left the movie feeling more alive, somewhat validated for my mental wanderings and desire for separation from all the beautiful and drunk people. I walked out to the Haad Rin beach snaked through some people around some beach chairs and tables and found my own chair sitting along the breaking waves. Gazed at the amazing clouds cascading over then revealing a newly waning moon. The Full Moon party was 2 nights ago. A wonderful full orchestrated live version of U2's "One" is playing at the bar behind me and the moment is all right! I've been haunted by a possibility of such moment for a long time and here it was. I asked the book I'd just purchased for some words on life and the moment. I could read clearly under the moon light. I opened to,"When a warrior is the victim of some injustice, he usually tries to be alone, in order not to show his pain to others." It elaborates on the next page, "This is both good and bad. It is one thing to allow one's heart to heal its wounds slowly, but it is quite another to sit all day in deep contemplation for fear of seeming weak. Inside each of us there lives an angel and a devil, and their voices are very alike. Confronted by a problem, the devil encourages that solitary conversation, trying to show us how vulnerable we are
Sunset, Leela Beach Koh Pan-Ngan
. The angel makes us reflect upon our attitudes and occasionally needs someone else's mouth to reveal itself. A warrior balances solitude and dependence." Now this seems right along with my current trend, except for the "injustice." Nevertheless it felt right upon the first read. I could reason the injustice to be the victimization of myself. Not being true to who I am and forcing some other kind of character or will upon my soul for the ability to be better accepted or loved. It's becoming revealed as I write this and as Explosions in the sky climaxes in my headphones. I'd felt so much desperation and disappointment when not being sexually active with all the beautiful girls I'd seen here in the past days. And I'm realizing that it was all out of my resistance between my soul and my will. I was forcing this desire not because it was natural but because it was expected and accepted even if it was a myth. And whether or not the possibility ever existed it could never be pursued because my mind was cluttered with the resistance and confusion and my energy disjointed and timid pushes me further from connecting with anyone let alone an attractive woman.
Despite all this I met Lia, a cool and beautiful Portuguese Dutch girl. She looked African, skin thick and dark, wide round eyes and a square jaw, with a cute little overbite
Leela Beach aka Sunset Beach Koh Pan-Ngan
. A nice full but tight figure. She was easy, approachable, and grounded and as conversation got deeper her energies opened up with ease and without pretension, discretion, or caution. So much trust in her and we went to family dynamics and attachments, to the laws of positive attraction, healing (she's a nurse with alternative experience and awareness) to the spiritual relativism of freedom and commitment in relationships. She was my diamond in the ruff and as debauchery and smoke and sweat and screams of joy and pain that will be forever forgotten to drunken drugged hazes played out over the hill, our talks and walks soothed something in me i did not yet know needed soothing. At lunch I had her and her compatriot (forgot her name) listen to my music. Some she liked and some she could pass on and then she listened to Robi Kids and it happened. Maybe it was the sun on her face and waves caressing the white beaches and lapping up next to the palms, and maybe it was the invitation needed to really share some emotion with each other or maybe it was just the song, but she felt it deeply and cried and looked into me and said it was one of the best things she'd heard in a long time and that it will be the summer hit of 2009 and she will expect nothing less. And then I cried... without crying of course and as sure as it came to friends that were just only acquainted a day ago it went away
Me and Monkey Leela Beach
. We hugged and that was the last I saw of her and it was all i really needed...ever! If the song never becomes the hit of next summer it just became the hit of my life. If my music doesn't get heard by millions it just got to the heart of one. If my music never gets published, this moment and this song will forever be remembered by Lia. The Maple Leaf boys, Joel, Trevor, and newly connected Riley took off for Koh Samui yesterday (Darren left us after Hoi An). I love those guys. I had a great time with them up to the Full Moon and was also happy to get back on my own. We had traveled for a month or more together and really just partied through it. I laughed harder (that Joel's really a nut) than I have in some time and certainly drank more than in some time as well. It wasn't the kind of traveling I had expected or even wanted. But I think it was a kind of living that was really good for me for a little while. The guys were just too nice and their youthful zest for life was very catchy. Friends and joy came easy to them and I just went along for the ride.We're at different ages and places in our lives but for a while they converged and I think we're all a little better for it.
So back on my own and the path at the moment seems to be slowing down, a little more quiet and a little more centered
me and monkey
.I don't need happiness I need clarity. My kingdom for clarity.
Next Day: Rained all night and at one point my door slammed open with the wind. Just after a coconut crashes on top of Dia's hut next to me. I manage to get some sleep and wake to more rain, but just in time for lunch and check out. Get the stuff together and agree to ride up to Haad Tien with Dia, my neighbor in the next bungalow, once the weather clears. The weather does not clear. I set up my computer and Dia, Bindi, T, and I play tunes as we eat and drink letting the reality of overcast skies take us...play some of my own trax (they all really liked seneca soul) and some of others. Got a little turned off when T and dia got into a psy trance kick but we worked back to the chill stuff like what I'm playing now.
So here we are, waves crashing in, wind blowing easy but gusty, and the waves too high to manage with a long tail. Night is creeping as it approaches 7pm and the 2 tall Beer Chang I've put back make me as motivated as Dia and that's as motivated as a rock. Well a rock that can write. Here we are for another night coming on 6 for me and tomorrow doesn't look to hopeful. Maybe I'll just head to Ko Tao.
