Bangkok
Trip Start
Dec 09, 2007
1
16
52
Trip End
Jul 07, 2008
Bangko,
Thailand
Monday, February 25, 2008
Maybe it was culture shock from experiencing this 2nd world city with its chaos, grime, and disarray. Like most backpackers I took the express bus from the airport straight to Kah San road that little backpacker western haven and party spot the travelers have dug out for themselves. for me it wasn't much of a haven and potentially more nerve racking then if I were anywhere else in the city. The hardest thing was to be surrounded by hundreds maybe thousands of western travelers and not able to engage any of them. the backpacker hostel scene in newzealand and Australia is so friendly and hospitable. just get a room start making dinner and you've to 10 friends and interesting conversation for company while your there or even company traveling to your other destinations.
but here i was surrounded by the largest group of these backpackers ones that looked just like the ones I'd seen everywhere else yet not one looked me in the eye or acknowledged my existence. It wasn't for a lack of trying on my part, but maybe i was putting off some awkward or anxious vibe from my obvious discomfort with the whole atmosphere of bangkok. I tried to venture out, hit some bars, see the grand palace and such.
grand palace
I had some cool moments and the sites were certainly interesting. It didn't take long for me to flip over amazing Thai street dishes for 1/2 an American dollar!!!! But nothing halted a growing depression and loneliness in me. And i just huddled in my large double bed with tv and air con room and disappeared to the world. It was very hard being in that state of mind without a plan. I had no previous itinerary, I never do, except get to my next place and figure it out, or be called somewhere, or follow a recommendation. At this point I had nothing and getting up from it after a day or two was a little like getting on your feet with no arms. What helped were some more great meals (Thai food is my favorite and actually a major cause for coming at all) and a couple different friendly encounters with a German couple and some locals. Mind you i had also been taken by some locals. Hustled into a parlor in the seedy patpong district, having a tuk tuk take me to the wrong side of town just so he could get a commission from the fancy restaurant he dropped me at and i quickly walked out of. And then there's the constant harassment of taxi and tuk tuk drivers trying to take you to some place for sexy massage or boom boom. Let's even throw in the occasional lady boy that grabs your arm for no obvious reason other then to get freaky somewhere and with everything in Thailand...pay for it.
Before going on I must say it's nice being back. I'm in a different place and although Bangkok still is not my favorite place and probably never will be I can tolerate it now and I'm more patient while looking for the good instead of impatiently indulging in the bad.
grand palace
Here's the excerpt from my journal of that time and as you can see i was doing my best to not pay much attention to my anxiety. I never would have called it depression then but i would now. I was temporarily immobilized!
As for PatPong, (the famous Bangkok red light district) Well, the entry makes it sound as though I wanted to be there. Because of the mere shock and awe of what I saw, I had all but forgotten about my fear and discomfort when I wrote it, which is easily recalled now a few months later.
I was near the district and all the guide books mention the place as an "experience." With a faint heart I decided to venture in dancing between my desire to be challenged and open to what may come and my desire to be conscious and direct about my limitations. Well as always I had underestimated the black market and before you could say pad thai I found myself in the dark corner of a night club clutching to my overpriced beer and dignity as a couple young thai girls make their way over. I tried to put on a good face and push through this rationalizing that this was the "experience" the guide books had talked about and noticing that there were other travelers around and even some women (which somehow made me feel more comfortable.)
It was a kind of strange and disturbing entertainment, like watching a broadway show in hell. And it was certainly one of the most uncomfortable times in my life and yet I stayed for few more beers and a few more oddities after the girls new I was too cheap and too cold for their come-ons.
grand palace
If you were an onlooker you might have even thought I was having a good time, especially when the ladies pulled me up near the stage to hold the last balloon that the vaginal blow dart took out from 20 feet!When I met the guy who "was way too into this" I was just happy to make an acquaintence with someone who didn't want to use me to get to my cash through an unsoliceted rub to my crotch or an odd sexual (yet amazing!) trick or a kick-back from the club that I was pratically strong armed into. So armed with a bit of back up I thought I'd buck up and try at least one other place that I would walk into under my own power (just so I wouldn't go home with my tale between my legs!) This was better but the discomfort didn't subside and I put on one of the fakest faces I could muster with what little energy I had left for the sake of my new "unconditional" acquaintence and did mange to pull through this club with some dignity and money left.
I will grudgingly wear the experience as one for the books.
Thailand
Feb. 28th.
Stayed in Bangkok for 3 days and saw a lot. Was taken for a couple "rides" payed too much for taxi and tuk tuk driver took me to the other side of town away from where I wanted in order to make commission off of an expensive seafood restaurant in the middle of "no where." But still saw some cool things like the water taxi, sky train, Grand Palace, and Lying Buddha, amongst all the craziness of kha San Rd. and markets. Let's not forget pat-pong....Oh! I'll never forget that. Ping Pong, cracked eggs, bananas, needles and darts that pop balloons that I'm holding from 20 feet and all from inside a coochy. Amazing! spent way too much money, cause I'm way too green and way too nice and I met a South American Taiwanese guy whose way too into all this. We spent some time at a girly bar ogling at the girls that were models by day and "Go boom boom upstairs" for 2500Bt at night. Yesterday was a nice chill day with a hair cut and great Thai massage for 280 Bt. First day here was just scared, overwhelmed, and culture shocked. But I'm finding my travel legs again and hope to hook up with some locals or ex-pats up in the North. Maybe make my way to Chang Rai to do some volunteer work.
