Bhatiary golf and country club

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  Chittagong, Bangladesh
Saturday, December 30, 2006

december 18, 2006
 
hole number 1: 500-yard par 5
it's a gentle dogleg right. rather narrow at the tee with a little bit of room to the right for slicers cut off sharply by a steep forested mountain. on the left is a row of leafy trees to keep you from killing the golfers on fairway number 7. i gave up power and went for accuracy (pick a target and follow through to the target) and threaded the needle right up to the knee of the dogleg. good shot sar, said the caddy. "sar" is bengali for "sir". then a nice 5-wood and sandwedge. it was a piece of cake. 3-on and 2-putt for par. nice way to shake off the jet lag.
 
hole number 2:  390-yard par 4
this is the mother of all doglegs and the toughest hole on the course with an index=1

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. you have to hit an iron down a steep mountain without falling all the way down into the creek. when you walk down there (you have to walk because there are no carts in this club and even if they had carts, there is no golf cart on earth that could negotiate the mountainous terrain of this course), look right over the creek and the bridge and way out there in the mist and the woods is a green backed by dense jungle and fronted by bunkers on both sides. it is a right angle dogleg. i hit the 4-iron and landed right in front of the wavy-gravy green. 3-on and 3-putt for double bogie. it's a tough green. on the uphill parts you need guts to hit the ball hard enough to climb up to the hole. it took me three straight but timid putts to get there. dhooor, said my caddy. "dhooor" is bengali for disgusting.
 
hole number 3: 375-yard par 4
from the tee you have water along the left and a steep mountain covered with a rainforest on your right. it's a death trap for slicers. the fairway is fairly straight down to the green but with a gentle bend to the left. i aimed for the water and landed short and to the right of the creek but picked the wrong iron for my second shot grossly misjuding the elevation of the green. it's up on a hill. a lucky chip put me in a good position for par but sadly the putt sailed past the hole. some of these greens are really really fast

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. the caddy did warn me saying fast green sar, fast green sar, over and over but i screwed up anyway. dhooor! you have to pay attention to these caddies because they are all single digit handicap golfers. 3-on and 2-putt for bogie.
 
hole number 4: 490-yard par 5
it's a long and narrow fairway with steep and thickly wooded mountains on the left. there is a bunker smack dab in the middle of the fairway right at the bend of the dogleg. i had never seen such a bunker before in my life. is this legal? can they put a bunker in the MIDDLE of the fairway? i don't drive far enough to get there anyway so why am i bitching? my second shot sailed over that stupid bunker and landed on the right side of the fairway along the edge of the forest in a drainage gutter. my caddy was very generous. he gave me a free drop. free drop sar, he said. thank you, said i. it was 140 yards to the green and i was short with my 7-iron because of the slope. you have to go up a mountain. i forgot. dhooor again. so far i have more dhooor than good-shot-sar. 4-on and 2-putt for bogie.


hole number 5: 130-yard par 3
climb a mountain and look way down into a tiny valley containing a small green surrounded by bunkers

chittagong high society

. i hit the 8-iron and just made it to the green where i faced a long uphill putt. the green was grassy. a guy with a mower was waiting for me to finish so he could mow the lawn. i hit that putt really hard with a long back swing to make up for my timidity on hole 2. it worked. tapped it in for par. good par sar, said the caddy. thank you, caddy, said i, knowing full well that had the mower done its job i would probably have 4-putted.
 
hole number 6: 365-yard par-4

climb another steep mountain to the tee. remember that you are out in the middle of nowhere with not a doctor in sight should you have a heart attack. go slow, one step at a time. steep forested slopes on both sides. the forest on the left encroaches into the fairway. that's where i went. the ball sailed straight for a while and then gently sliced into the fairway. right in the middle of the fairway, actually. good shot, sar. now about 130 yards to go and i went for the 8-iron but inexplicably land short of the green. the green itself is flat and insipid. 3-on and 2-putt for bogie.


Hole number 7: 390-yard par 4

The index is 5 but I found this to be the toughest hole in the course. At the tee you will see a long narrow fairway with a forested hillock on the right and a line of trees along the left that separates you from the people teeing off from number 1. Accuracy is the key to this drive. For safety reasons I went for the hill and got lucky. the ball dropped on the top of the hill and then rolled down the other side to the middle of the fairway. wow, thank you god. good shot, sar. now I had a 150 yards to go over yet another hill and a lake that you cannot see because of the hill. There are divers in that lake fishing for balls and if you top the ball you might kill them. I made it to the green area but rolled off into the deep deep greenside bunker on the left. The green is flat and grassy and I did not putt hard enough being gunshy from all those fast greens I had just been on. 3-on and 3-putt for double bogie. it is tough putting on fast greens and slow greens all in the same golf course.


Hole number 8: 355-yard par 4

Not really a dogleg but a gentle crescent to the right with a fish pond and a couple of bunkers right around the green area. The fish pond is the equalizer that neutralizes the heavy hitters and we all end up just in front of the pond for our second shot. I hit a seven iron and the grass was kind of deep (by the way the fairway grass here has broad leaves and the "grass" is really a cluster of individual flower-like leafy plants) so the ball went way up into the sky and then dropped on the to green almost vertically and just stuck to it. Good shot, sar. 2-on and 2-putt for par. Ok, way to go, now a brisk and confident walk to the 9th tee.


Hole number 9: 425-yard par 4

This fairway is contiguous to number 8 without even trees or anything else to separate the two fairways. It's kind of dangerous because you've got golfers all over this very large field and some of them are coming and some of them are going and some are waving you on to tee off while others are shouting "fore". The same pond that you have to pitch over to the number 8 green is now your hazard at the number 9 tee. I had a great drive here straight over the pond and down the middle of the fairway with about 190 yards to go for my second shot which landed right in front of the green. good shot sar. chip on and 2-putts for bogie. It could have been a birdie as my chip missed the hole by a millimeter but then it just rolled and rolled and rolled.


Hole number 10: 155-yard par 3

You look straight out on to a huge green with a water hazard and a couple of bunkers in front and a forest behind. I teed up the ball and hit my 5 iron and landed right in the middle of the green but the ball almost rolled off to the forest. It's a very large green, big enough for lawn tennis. The first putt was very long and tricky and my caddy lined it up for me very very carefully and warned me of a downhill slope and a fast geen. fast green sar. Ok, ok, I got it, I said. A gentle push with follow through had everyone shrieking "birdieeeee" but the stuck to the edge of the hole refusing to go in. 1-on and 2-putt for par. good par sar.


Hole number 11: 505-yard par 5

The fairway is long and straight with a forested mountain on the right, a fairway bunker on the left, a fish pond guarding the green, and a line of trees separating it from fairway number 12. There were golfers all over the place coming and going and a group of korean cowboys behind me bent on murder by golf ball. They were at the tee demanding that I give way according to club rules. There is a club rule that slow golfers and single golfers must give way but the rules are not clear on the resolution of slow versus single and these guys take all day to line up their putts. The caddies conferred and decided that I should tee off first and I did so with some very unhappy golfers talking dirty in korean. this was a big mistake. it was a horrible shot - short and slicing almost into the forest. I walked quickly to my ball and lined up for a fairway wood shot to the other side of the fairway near the trees while korean balls rained all around. Got quickly out of there, almost running, so I could get my third shot off without getting killed. The last time I got hit by a korean ball (it was on my shoulder) I could not play for a month and had to undergo physical therapy. When I got to my ball, I found a great great lie just waiting for my 4-iron to send the ball to the sky which it did very well. The ball landed in front of the green and rolled right up to the hole. Bardi chance sar, said the caddy. Bardi is bengali for birdie. With koreans breathing down my neck, I missed a three-foot birdie putt. 3-on and 2-putt for par. Now we run like hell to number 12 to get out of the way.


Hole number 12: 520-yard par 5

Yes, back to back par-5 but no fear of koreans any more as they will be putting on number 11 for the rest of the afternoon. A good drive and a nice fairway wood right down the middle and I am facing a 100-yard pitch. I don't know how it happened but what appeared to be a great sand wedge shot went to the wrong green. dhooor. there are three greens here - 10, 12, and 15, and it was pretty confusing. 4-on and 2-putt for bogie.


Hole number 13: 420-yard par 4

In front of you and along the right is a large water hazard but there is room between the water and the jungle along the left to land your drive and that's what I tried to do but it turned out to be a much longer drive than I had thought. i get my longest drives when i am not trying to hit long. the ball sailed over the water hazard and landed in the middle of the fairway and then rolled a bit too. good shot sar. i did not line up my 4-iron very well and the ball landed on the right at the edge of jungle-mountain in what appeared to be a drainage gutter. Free drop? I begged. No sar, no free drop, sar, bad lie, sar. Ok, I can handle it, I thought and did a gentle push with my sand wedge and landed in the greenside bunker. On the green, I had lost my cool and dished out a couple of crazy putts. more dhooors. 4-on and 3-putt for a triple bogie. These are the holes that destroy my score card.
 
hole number 14: 215-yard par 4
you have to climb up a mountain. wooden steps thoughtfully provided although they are rather decrepit and falling apart. way down in the valley, surrounded by jungle-mountains is a small green. i went for the driver and hit way up into the sky. i over-did that way-up stuff and landed just short of the green but right in front. that was probably as well as you can play this hole as it is a rather small green and there are bunkers and jungle all around. nice chip and steady hands on the putter. 2-on and 2-putt for bogie.
 
hole number 15: 330-yard par 4
ok, we've got a forest on the left and a mountain on the right and a bunker at the knee of a gentle dogleg left and as i have been slicing a little against the wind, i go for the forest and get on the fairway to face the green and a 120 yards still to go and the perfect 9-iron that would surely have been on the green hit the fucking lawn mower operated by a moron who apparently had no idea that the golf course he was mowing was meant for playing golf. no relief was available. so i had to chip on but it was not a good chip as i was miffed that the moron just kept on mowing with his very loud machine right through my putts. 3-on and 3-putt for double bogie. dhooor.
 
hole number 16: 400-yard par 4
it does not get any straighter and wider than this. this fairway was probably designed by the mickey mouse golf course design company. this is where the big hitters can just flail away. i am not a big hitter but i flailed away anyway. my second shot landed in the lone small greenside bunker along the left side of the green. then i forgot my putting fundamentals. dhoor!  i can't figure out why i have these weird lapses. 3-on and 3-putt for double bogie.
 
hole number 17: 340-yard par 4
there is a water hazard smack dab in the middle of the fairway right in front of the green about a 80 yards away and the green is smothered by bunkers. i had a good drive and it went straight down the middle of the fairway and stopped a few yards from the water. good shot sar. but my pitch was from hell and it got me into the sea of bunkers in front of the green. nice bunker shot and 2-putt for bogie.
 
hole number 18: 190-yard par 3
the green sits right in front of the pro-shop and the bar. there was an audience. some of them were drunk. there is a very narrow lane from the tee to the green for your trajectory. the green is hidden behind a grove of trees. there is a large water hazard about midway from the tee to the green. i hit my 4-iron along the left side of the water and the grove of trees. it fell in front of the green and then rolled on to it. 2-putts for par . nice par sar, and a nice smile from the caddy eager to receive his tip and go home and a nice smile from me eager to walk up the hill to the bar for a cold heineken to give me the backbone i will need to step into that cold shower that awaits me at the lodge. there is no hot water here.
 

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