Hilton Pyramids Sunday October 15 2006

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  Cairo, Egypt
Wednesday, October 25, 2006

after so many years on the crabgrass and soccer fields in thailand that pass for fairways it was a real treat to play on a real honest to goodness pga fairway into which you can cut divots with your irons as if it were an angel food cake; and the greens are just like carpeting so you have to be careful with the putter unless you want to watch your ball roll right past the hole and then just roll and roll.

there are two courses there at the hilton pyramids, the old course with 18 holes that can be driven or walked and the new course which so far has just nine holes that can only be driven and not walked. you putt, and then drive a mile and a half through the desert to your next tee. you cannot walk the new course but you must play it once just for the pyramid view. on the first tee, you get to line up your drive with the chephren. i had one of my best drives there and pencil must have been envious. i heard her muttering "fucking perfect". by the way, at either of these courses, you do not want to be in the rough. it may look smooth and inviting but it is deep and clingy and it will cost you a stroke at least.

anyway, back to the old course.

hole #1 is a 320-yard par 4 (i am talking blue tee here. white tees are closer and black tees are farther). it's as straight as can be with a fairly wide fairway so that you can actually see the flag from the tee. i guess it's kind of a warm-up hole. i parred it. two on and two putt.

hole #2 is an easy 490-yard par-5 also straight down a wide fairway but with a sharp left turn to a very large green at the end.

Hilton Pyramids

it is shaped like a penis. the green, the glans-penis, is so big you could end up with a 50-foot putt as i did and so 3-putted for bogie.

hole #3 is a 410-yard par-4 with water all along the left at the tee and the fairway is mostly uphill. you need a pretty good drive here. it took me three shots to get on and then two putts for bogie.

hole #4 is a 165-yard par-3, which would normally be a tailor-made par or birdie situation for me but this thing is jinxed. there is water in the front and along the left and a date plantation with beastly bushes along the right. i screwed up here and escaped with either a 5 or a 6 i can't remember. (gary's adage: if he can't remember whether it was a five or a six, it was a seven.) pencil gleefully parred (one on from 125 yards and two putt) and offered loving consolation. i said bah humbug.

hole #5. now here is a hole. it's a 390-yard par-4 that looks like a baseball diamond from the tee. you are at base plate and you are teeing off to second base with the green halfway between first and second base with plenty of water all along the left and right so that a foul play will be tok-nam. the other thing about this hole is that there is very definitely a water magnet that sucks the ball into the lake on your right. i aimed for the bunker halfway between second base and third base and ended up in the rough near first base just a few yards from the water, and then a five iron from heaven to just in front of the green. 3-on and 1-putt for par.

hole #6 is a 540-yard par-5 with a 90-degree dog leg wrapped around a lake on the very edge of the desert.

the Dogs

if you are afraid of the water and go too far right you will be in the desert. i had a good drive right up to the knee of the dog leg and then a really great fairway wood. 3-on and 2-putt for par.

now we get to the bar. it is ramadam. all the arabs are fasting during the day and they are not even allowed to drink water but here at the bar is ice cold water, sodas, and even beer. bottled oasis water is 2 egp per bottle. a large bottle of meister beer is 20 egp and delicious in the hot dry desert air that parches your mouth, cracks your lips open and dehydrates your guts. glug glug glug. and clean restooms too. everything here is five-star. when you get to the fairway bars, you might want to stock up on water at 2 egp per bottle as the price for the very same bottle is 10 egp at the hotel. they never have any change anyway, so just give them 10 egp and put five bottles in your bag.

on to hole number 7. it's another one of those freeways. straight down the fairway to the green like a runway at the airport. 335 yards. par 4. i was short with my 7-iron. chipped on and two putts. bogie. it plays a lot longer than 335 yards. i belive it is uphill all the way from the tee to the green but straight as an arrow.

okay, here we are at hole number 8 and i do want to tell you about this weird little hole. it is a no-frills silly little 120-yard par-3 straight up a wide fairway to a very wide green with one puny little bunker in front and yet ..... why is it so hard to get on? i landed way on the left side of the green and had a 40-foot putt up a hill. two-on and 2-putt for bogie. "unbelieve it" as my french buddy alain would say.

hole #9 is a straight and wide fairway with the green on a hill just behind the hotel. the other guests are sitting in the balcony sipping maitais and watching their fellow golfers come in so we tried very hard to not look like fools when pitching on or putting. it is a 355-yard par-4 with a small bunker in the middle of the fairway to catch your drive. i drove right down the middle to the side of this cruel bunker leaving me with a 120-yard pitch that got me close enough for a birdie. some of the drunken good old boys upstairs were clapping. i took a bow. it was a lucky break because it's a tough split level green so that even if you are on you may have to putt uphill hard enough to get near the hole and not hard enough to go off the green. pencil had a hard time as her first putt actually came back after failing to make it over the hump. my pitch landed on the downhill side of the green but rolled right up to the hole and then miraculously, it stopped.

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