Me And Bruno Down By The Vineyard

"It's a good hostel...it reminds me of when I was in rehab."

01 - My bed(s)

Pruning lasted two days. I just couldn't face any more. It seemed grand enough until I found out I was earning alot less then I thought. The second day also found me working next to some guy who was singing that Crazy Frog song all day, and another guy managed to use the word 'Bro' twice in one sentence.

I think they ripped me off too. For my two days work they paid me $42. Forty two dollars. That's about 25 Euro for two days work. Less than 2 Euro an hour.

I was all set to move on to Christchurch when I got a job in a wine bottling factory with a bunch of other backpackers from my hostel. The jobs have been created because some bright spark is responsible for labelling tens of thousands of bottles incorrectly. We're peeling the labels of using an intoxicating blend of dangerous chemicals and razor blades. I can't look at anything in the supermarket anymore without examining the labels. Some of them are shocking, I can tell you.

02 - Cycling round the vineyards

We also get to go on the factory line sometimes...usually when the regulars can't make it in to work because they've been arrested. Still, everyone's pretty nice. But there are of course the same assholes that you find in every job, who insist on telling you how efficient they are and how they know everything. Hint: These guys are always really in to cars. Shame they're earning the same shit wage as me, really.

Alot of the time is also spent with an Irish guy and an American guy filling those massive metal shipping containers with thousands of boxes of wine. Tiring, but healthy feeling work. I actually really like it. And it's all helping me work towards my perfect physique. For the moment I'm just bruised, still look like a wimp and I can't feel one of my fingers.

03 - Free pool in the backpackers

Our boss is also a bit of a lunatic and shouts alot. One day he lined a load of us up and pointed at a few people telling them it was their last shift. It was a bit like a reality TV show elimination really. You'll be pleased to know our hero survived the first round, and I think the boss is even beginning to like me. My job seems safe enough, but you can't take anything for granted with mentally unstable people.

I'm loving the hostel. There's not too many people staying here at the moment and it has become very homely. When I first arrived I was in a 7 man dorm, on top of a 3 person bunk bed. I was even higher then the ceiling light, and climbing the ladder every night was a real trek. As a few long-termers have left I've moved up the 'pecking order' and am now at the very bottom, replacing an English guy who had been here 5 months. I'd laughed at how long he'd been here, but having been here over a month now and feeling no desire to move on I can now see that it's easily done.

It's a real nice way of life here. It's been a long time since I haven't minded routine. One day on the local radio station they had to admit that they had no news whatsoever and moved straight on to the weather. I like that.

So now there's just 4 of us in the room. Me, a sound Irish guy, and 2 great English girls. The girls are traveling together and have fallen in to 'synchronised menstrual cycles'. I had heard of this phenomenon before but never witnessed it first hand. When it hit I just had to keep my head down and offer as many cups of tea as I could. It's the scariest fucking thing I've ever seen.

Al, my old housemate from Sydney, visited us for a few days and that was cool. He, Brian, Ciara and I rented bikes (me and Al on a tandem...brilliant) one day and cycled round a few vineyards getting tipsy. Happy days.

Brian and Ciara have left to travel for a few weeks, but will probably come back to work a bit more. It's a shame really. They moved off earlier then planned because Brian was fired from his job working on the vineyards. Their bosses were basically looking for any excuse to let people go I think. Out on the vineyards the asshole is king. Bri's high paying job and qualifications mean nothing out in the field. If he showed them his law degree, I think it's safe to say, the Maori guys would probably just roll it up and smoke it.

Recipe for Simon's Salsa Suprise:

Take one bread roll (a bag of "yesterday's bread" available for $1.50)

Add salsa and cheese.

Toast until cheese is melted.