50 Reasons To Leave Auckland, The City Of 1000 Lovers:
(1) I'm bored. It's a great city, but since I have put my head down the last couple of weeks to save money it has become pretty tedious.
(B) My kitchen is filthy and this way I don't have to clean it.
(4) My job is finishing. I'll be happy to leave, even though the job consists mainly of looking on the net and having random conversations with the Maori girl opposite me ("I don't like pies. They have too much to hide. I like a sandwich. I can trust a sandwich.")
(17) I caught myself about to phone up and complain about an ad on T.V. the other day. Then I realised I wasn't 70. I need to get back in touch with my backpacker side.
($) I've been here far too long. My feet are itchy (but that could just be the foot disease I've developed from our shower mat) and I want to see some more of the country.
(22) The other day I had this conversation with my palooka-druggy-fruit'n'nut housemate, Mark:
MARK - I'm going to buy a sword.
SIMON - Why?
M - For protection.
S - From what?
M - Bro, we live in the city!
S - You're an idiot.
M - Someone needs to protect us. What if some c*nt breaks in and demands our T.V.??
S - They can have it.
M - No, this is what will happen [At this point he pretends to go his room, gets an imaginary sword and stands in a Samurai pose] And I'll say, "In 2 seconds you're going to hit the ground."
S - What if he has a gun?
M - He can have the T.V.
S - What if he has a sword?
M - Then we're going to get it on.
S - Let me know so that I can go to my room.
(6) DRUG COUNT: Number of different drugs my housemate has offered me: 6
(T) The other Friday night I found myself having a quiet night in with a girl. We were at the local shop buying chocolate. Phil Collins was playing in the background. Then we watched a DVD. I enjoyed it. It's time to move on before I buy her a cuddly toy and we start going to dinner parties with Pearce and Sinead.
(44) The infamous Orla, the intrepid Lynn, and the inbred Ed are coming to New Zealand and heading down the same direction as I intend to go. I went back packing around South East Asia with Lynn and Ed a few years ago and they are two of the coolest people to travel with. It will be good to do it again.
Also, I'd love to be a member of Fleetwood Mac, on tour, previously married to Stevie Nicks...and traveling around N.Z. in a campervan with my ex-girlfriend is the closest I'm going to get (if Stevie Nicks looked like Illeana Douglas).
(50) Apparently Wellington is 'less dodgy' then Auckland. I heard a statistic the other day that said 1 in 3 children in Auckland live in poverty. I was questioned regarding a murder investigation a few weeks ago. And they keep playing Boyzone on the radio.
Oh yeh, I forgot to say before that while Mike was here we were walking down the street and some fat Maori woman shouted at him, "Hey, Honky Tonk! Fuck off."
Good people.
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