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Captain Brett, a Real Aussie Man
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Me Dan and Lawrence roll in on the Greyhound coach to Airlie Beach. Bright eyed and bushy tailed raring to go! Except one thing is missing. There is no Beach. "of course theres a beach, its called Airie Beach"... Them damn Aussies at it again. To be fair there is no point having a beach when you cant go in the sea anyway cause of the microscopic marine stingers that 'captain Brett' say will guarantee you a helicopter ride to the hospital.
The Whitsunday Sailing Trip
L&D kindly invited me to join them and their pals from Sydney on a 3 day 2 night sailing trip around the famous Great Barrier Reef and The Whitsunday Islands. So it was full steam ahead and Ship Ahoy as we boarded 'Siska' an ex-racing yacht with more history than a Hollywood whore. It had won countless races, usually with time to spare and had even been crewed at one time by the one and only the man himself HRH, the bonny prince Charlie!!! (i guess it must pretty boring waiting around to become king some day) but i digress.
So captain Brett gives us the run down on the do's and dont's. mainly dont's i.e. don't lob your beer cans in the sea, don't put your fags out on the sails. Usual kind of stuff. Oh and last but not least, if you loose something overboard, forget it. its gone. tough luck!
Fast forward 2 minutes and captains Brett hat flys straight of his bonce and into the drink. 'tough luck ' I thought. He didn't. The cheeky bastard after all the 'forget about it' speech turns the boat around sticks the deck-hand into a little tender boat, and goes back to pick it up. Double standard-ed bastard.
Actually he turned out to be a top fella with plenty of sailors stories and a healthy passion for doing as little as possible. We also had a good lengthly conversation about the eternal question... Who would win in a fight between a Salt Water Croc and a Great White Shark? We decided that it would have to be in an Olympic sized swimming pool, so as to keep the fight contained and fair, and to give each beast the best chance. We also reckoned that punters would pay alot of money to see it, I know would. So if you see it on sky in the near future just remember where you heard it first!
Molly the deck hand, (thats 'DECK' with an 'E') was the ever reliable eye candy for the 3 days, for the 12 or so lads on board. For some reason she seems to be in all my pictures. Not quite sure what happened there.!?!
We were all encouraged to snorkel and dive in the sea and round the reef, which was a nice surprise, but only if you wore a 'stinger suit'. "stinger suit, are you fucking joking?" You want me to get into that shark infested ocean with whats looks like a cheap wet suit, which I'm pretty sure ain't gonna stop my hands, feet and face getting stung (especially as though last time I checked you swim face first) Which also makes me look like a 6ft seal. Surprise surprise, out of 20 of us on board, 3 people got stung on the hands and feet. The fear of impending death on their faces was pretty interesting to say the least. However you will be pleased to know they were not serious stings, and after we all peed on them (Only joking) they were fine.
I also got the chance to swap places with captain Brett and sail the vessel back to port. Almost felt at home up there with the wind rushing past me, and the wheel in my hands. might have to get into a bit of that sailing business...
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