Solitary Confinement: Day 5

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  Muang Xay, Lao Peoples Dem Rep
Wednesday, September 3, 2008

'If you're going through hell... keep going.' - Winston Churchill

Hi guys,

I've been getting lots of emails but can't keep up individually. This is the situation:-

It looks like I could be out of action for a while. This back injury's decided it wants to be a serious one. I'm still stuck in a little room in Udomxai. There's no change from the last entry. Just more pain and more misery.

Thanks for the emails working out what the hell happened (mountain bike incident). It seems that I've slipped a disc and pinched a nerve in my spine - and done both quite badly. Sounds simple enough of course but if you've ever had it yourself you probably won't be holding much envy for me right now.

It's now day five and there's no change. I still can't move my upper body more than a couple of inches in any direction without my nerves going into violent spasm while I scream in agony through grit teeth and clenched fists. That's no exaggeration, that's how it is. You should try it some time.

I have never experienced pain to this degree in all of my life. The spasms can happen every few minutes or as little as two to three times an hour, plenty enough to keep me constantly paranoid because try as I might to keep perfectly motionless and play its nasty little game, it's practically impossible. Which is why the last 96 hours of violent rupturing has beat me black and blue from the inside. I've got stomach cramps from all the tension, the shock and constant expectation of it all, even got cramps in my toes. It's a living hell.

Let me elaborate. Trying to keep yourself agony free is stupidly complex. Any menial task you'd typically associate with simply getting around a room has to be carefully thought out. If I chuck something on the bed I have to remember I can't get it back again. Not in the normal way. To do so means careful positioning and very slow leg lowering with complete concentration, because picking something up from the bed is so loaded with risk. Just like everything else is, which is why I have to keep everything I might need at waist level, either on the table or bathroom shelf. The stuff in my bags on the floor - forget it, there's no chance.

I'm rotating three shirts. If I drop the soap there'll be no more washing. I can put a t-shirt on but not a shirt. Putting shorts on is a nightmare and can take up to ten minutes with at least one violent painful result . Visiting the toilet, well that couldn't be more miserable.

On a lighter note, what I'm grateful for - truly grateful for - is that I've not felt the urge to sneeze, sniff, cough, hiccup or vomit. Either of these and I'd be finished. You'd hear me from Thailand, Vietnam and China all at once, I promise. I've also developed a technique for quickly suppressing yawns. Doing well aren't I?

What I'm grateful for most though is that I can now lay down on the bed. Up until two nights ago I couldn't and had to spend every waking hour on dual-shifts between standing against the wall and fixing myself bolt upright in a wooden chair. It takes a bout three minutes to sit on the bed, another three or four to lower myself onto my side, then a good five or six to ever-so-gradually-rotate-over. Watching me do it would be like watching grass grow. If I've done a good job I'll get away with maybe a couple of spasms that will have my whole body clenched and shaking in the aftermath for just a few minutes, after which I'm settled and start the ritual of praying I don't need the toilet any time soon. Mind you, all this is only if I get the breathing right. It's short sharp bursts all the way. Happy days :) So..

My immediate options:-

- Ride it out

I'm in the middle of nowhere. There's a woman down the road who's selling very basic pharmaceuticals so I can continue banging down the painkillers and spending the majority of my time devoted to being a living statue. There's no doctor so there's no one to tell me I've got a bad back and that I should get some rest. There's a clinic but it's of the Chinese medicine variety and they won't see a farang. There's an airport that can get me to Vientiane in 50 minutes so if the shit really hits the fan I can get to a hospital (devoid of half my belongings) where at least there'll be somebody there to pass me a book or something.

Anyway I'm writing this in candlelight. The electricity's been off all day (quite normal round here) so the silence, the darkness, the pain and the occasional flickering dance of the flame in front of my nose all serves beautifully to enhance the doom of this sombre chapter in my colourful little path. I'll keep you all posted..

Woz
x

(Mom, your internet's still screwed so you won't know any of this. Cob, keep her posted? (x) Paul, my Hotmail and Outlook's still playing up. Will keep in touch the other way. My apologies. Bera, if you do swing this way from Southern Laos I'm willing to stop taking the piss out of Dan Brown in exchange for a big bucket of som tam. I'm out of action buddy. Big time. Enjoy the ride.)

*One more thing. You're not getting through on the phone cos' it's dead. I'm on a Thai sim. In Laos. It may as well be at the bottom of the deep blue..

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