The Mini-Van Diaries
Trip Start
Sep 09, 2004
1
360
393
Trip End
Ongoing
Luang Namtha,
Lao Peoples Dem Rep
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
07.58am: Rain relentless. Windows steamed. Can't see shit. Hope this blokes not a loony.
08.22am: Mud. Everywhere. People out walking. In rain. Bloke on motorbike holding brolly over head. Rain pounding. Mud. Faces in straw huts. Kid's faces. Smiling.
08.48am: Climbing. Engine laboured. Rain lashing.
09.02am: Climbing climbing climbing. Ages. Down to walking pace. Mountainous. Very mountainous. 6yr old at side of road next to motorbike. Sitting there. In the rain. Miles from anywhere. Looking puzzled.
09.18am: Way up in the mountains. Great. Deep green. Thick mist. Mountain roads. Pounding rain. Does he have to speed?
09:32am: Another village. Bamboo huts. More mud. People in road. Dodging chickens. Boars running around. Tiny baby boars. Palm of hand tiny. Three blokes get on. Big bags of rice. Stacking. Smiling. Smiling. This is Laos. Wow.
09.41am: Open road again. Steep. Steep winding descent. Mountains edge. Steep edge. Slow down! Jesus. Water. Floods. Huge puddles and pools. Aqua plane! Boulders. Swerving. F'kng ridiculous. F'kng Loony. Really don't wanna die today.
09.48am: Truck. Side of road. Abandoned. Smashed into cliff barrier. Already. Worst nightmare.
09.55am: He's gonna roll this.
10.02am: Next village. More huts. More mud. Driver pulls over. Sharply. Stationary again. Relief. Old woman gets on. Traditional dress. Sits next to me. Sabai dee!
10.14am: Still waiting. Driver and mate at side of road under bamboo shelter. Sitting. Having a picnic. Love it.
10.22am: Sitting. Waiting. Raining.
10.28am: Back on road. Scenery amazing. Mist. Mountains. Lush green jungle. Village life. Very organised. Unlike driver. Bus swerving. All over the place. Dodging chickens. And kids. Driver banging horn like a mad thing. Chickens and kids everywhere. Mental.
10.36am: Woman grabs plastic bag and chucks. Great. Fills bag. Can smell it. Try not to look. She's opening window. Tosses bag out onto road. Fair enough.
10.38am: Give her tissue. She takes it and smiles. Throws up again. Another bag. Filled. Out the window. Ok. Windy roads, constant. Rain, constant. Kamikaze driving, constant.
10.52am: She's just filled another bag. Full. That's three bags. Three bags full. Ha! Driver still going hard. Can't look. Think of other things. God. Hate this.
11.06am: She's off again. Bag number four. Violent physical retching. All so intense. Jesus. How many bags?
11.18am: Twists and turns. Twists and turns. Rain pounding hard. That's a 30 sign we're passing. Why's he going 85? Bastard.
11.34am: Holes in road. Big gaping holes. Holding tight. Swerving. Eyes shut. We're gonna die. Bus screaming. And she's filling another f'kn bag. F'kn stinks. What have you eaten woman?
11.42am: Out it goes. Out the window. She turns. Smiles. Something on her teeth. Lovely.
11.50am: Another straw village. Mountain mist. Everywhere. Cows and chickens mist and rain. Cows. Chickens. Kids. Boars. All over the place. In the road. He's banging the horn again. Psycho.
11.57am: Sick woman's on another bag. This can't be real. No way. Pulled right up to her ears. Spewing like a tap. That's six bags for god's sake. Or seven?
11.59am: Offered my last tissue. What is this music?
12.02pm: He's gonna kill us.
12.08pm: Village. Brakes on. Kid gets on. More rice. At least a hundred carrots outside that straw house. Biggest carrots I've ever seen.
12.09pm: Not carrots. Corn. Orange corn. Bright orange corn. Biggest corn I've ever seen.
12.14pm: Round the cliff face. Speeding. Stupidly. You arsehole.
12.21pm: Must be out of bags. She's hanging out the window. Arse. In the window. All we can see. Driver stops. Gets out. Says something to woman. She doesn't get back on.
12.28pm: Long straights. Better. Fast as you like mate. Don't care. Only another hour.
12.32pm: Great. Murphy's law. Bowel movements :(
12.37pm: Stop again. Six of us at side of road. In a line. Taking a piss. Brilliant.
12.46pm: Try to forget about bowels. Two more get off. Two bags of rice. Massive buffalo staring. Rain stopped though. Traction at least.
12.52pm: Luang Nam Tha. Bus station. Finally. Alive! Ten minutes walk. Sit down. Fridge in corner. Beer Lao..'
Deep breath. Welcome to Laos!
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Comments
bags o'barf
Classic Scottwoz. Bloody good stuff!
Yeah
Yeah I like that entry too. (I like that it was you experiencing it).
Brilliant!!
I held my breath whilst reading most of this...absolutely brilliant...gorgeous and talented too. Glad you arrived safely...in the end xxxx
OMG!
I was living that bloody awful journey right there with you Scot! I hate sick! I hate winding roads especially mountain roads, and speeding out of control, I nearly had a heart attack, my breathing was labored every step of the way with you. You are a genius at writing, I am sure someone out there will snap you up to publish your travel blog! that a certainty. Hugs Su x