What's that there under your skirt?

• Scottwoz's Profile
• About this blog
• Entry from Phuket

Trip Start Sep 09, 2004 Previous
Entry Trip End Ongoing Next
Entry

  Phuket, Thailand
Tuesday, July 8, 2008

'Nah you can't say that, that's offensive to Benidorm!'

Patong, Phuket. First impressions? Tijuana, Mexico. Seconds? Just another seedy hole overrun with tacky westerners - westerners of the shitty-sediment-at-the-bottom-of-the-barrel kind. This is Blackpool on a stag weekend, Southern Spain with its filthy British stain in peak season, or any of the other shit-holes around the globe that are tarnished by scummy chancers.

It was late in the afternoon by the time we got here and as we were keen to catch the tennis final we checked in to a little lodge in Patong, just around the corner from the seedy strip. Turns out the lodge is one of the best we've encountered yet, which is a nice flipside to a disappointing though temporary reality.

As soon as we ventured out onto 'the strip' it hit us like a bitch slap - hookers, ladyboys, 2-for-1 cocktails, lap dancing bars, massage parlours, bars boasting English ownership and English breakfasts(?), Irish bars and Aussie bars with a similar pitch, touts thrusting leaflets at you in the same vein as they do in Vegas, piss-heads staggering around in the middle of the road holding half-downed beer, and general all-round gutter chaos. This is the shit I'd left behind years ago, and it was painfully slow-motion to have to absorb it all. We went round a few bars, watched a bit of live entertainment and spent most of the night sharing space with fat old western men having their ego massaged by their tiny young beauties.

This is something that I'll struggle to get used to I think, certainly for the time being. I swear, one guy could have passed for Santa Claus and honestly, he could almost fit his 'little darling' in the palm of his hand. Odd in theory, but see it first hand and it's a different story. The best part about all this though, the absolute highlight for me was watching the panic on the faces of the same silly pretentious head-up-their-own-arse girls we saw on Phi Phi, now that the attention was focussed elsewhere. See, the local girls here are absolutely stunning, they really are. Flawless is the word that springs to mind, and to watch the horror - when these stuck-up numbtons actually realise just how superficial they are - brings an immense amount of joy. That's something I can thank Phuket for.

Second thoughts? Very interesting night. Got talking to a few locals who were really nice and squeezed a couple of hours banter out of some random Aussie chicks, but all in all it was a great eye-opener. I know these places aren't for everyone and to some people it's everything, it's just not for me. The only thing that generally annoys me these days is the lowly behaviour of my own kind, so I'm not exactly in the best place right now. From what I observed though I can relate to the excitement and can clearly see how the game works. There are a lot of levels here to get your head round, and with that in mind I'll say nothing other than if you're in to a highly concentrated dabble in the excesses then this your personal playground - so go enjoy. Having said that you can still go out and have a great night here without getting stuck in to the wild side. If nothing else it's a great people-watching exercise and a colourful eye-opener into another side of life. That can only be a good thing.

Anyway I'm writing this in bed. This all happened last night and today I've finally come down with the lurgy that's been trying to take a hold of me over the last few days. Liam had it in Krabi, Nick in Phi Phi, so it was only a matter of time before I was bed ridden. Lucky for me I'm in a decent pad.

Did manage to get out for a bite to eat though, and spent a good hour sharing the cafe with a few older guys and their prize brides. One guy in particular I noticed (English guy) could only have been in his early forties, and was one of those classic 'ahead of his time' blokes. One of those who've never dared to have so much of a peek outside their tiny comfort zone, and so become stayed, fixed in a time warp, sitting, waiting to die. I have no respect for these people. His behaviour, mannerisms and general demeanour were from someone in their sixties playing victim. In almost an hour he didn't say a single word to the gorgeous girl sat opposite him, who was clearly, for want of a better word 'his', and while she tucked in to her spicy Pad Thai he sat lifeless and forlorn looking sorry for himself with his two symmetrical eggs on toast and tomato sauce. God. What a life. He must have died years ago. Get me out of here..

Print this entry Share Chiang Mai hotels

Previous Entry Next Entry