Smells like Greyhound!

Trip Start Dec 28, 2008
Trip End Dec 07, 2009

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Flag of United States  , Wisconsin
Sunday, August 16, 2009

Yeeeeerrrrsss, tis another Greyhound story..

So I missed my 6pm bus in Montana! By just 20 annoying minutes. I was now waiting for the next one.. the late bus at 1.15am.. I was a tad more nervous about this one because, well, we all know the ghouls and goblins come out after dark.. and ghouls and goblins on Greyhound were not the kind I looked forward to meeting!

As usual I was sat near the front and opted for the second row this time (they dont call me crazy for nothing you know!).
Two women sat down infront of me. They were very large women and I think -gay. The clues to my assumption were firstly the grade 4 shaved heads, secondly (did it need a second?) the round neck t-shirts(well, they always makes ME look lesbian!) and the fact they could not stop playfighting!..  These women were in their 40s and as I said- huge- there shapes far exceeding the width of the chairs.and so watching them trying to wedge their hands down the side of the other before making the other squeal and whoop infront of me was a bit like bearing witness to their foreplay which grossed me out a lot! Even without watching I coudnt escape their flirting as all that jiggling of weight on those seats was making them move up and down and I felt carpet burns coming up on MY knees from all the rubbing they were doing against me!

So, 2 fat lesbians infront of me, a young teenage couple entwined on the chairs behind me (you couldnt actually tell where one began and the other ended!), and then a chap next to me who kept falling asleep with his head facing me and his mouth open breathing hot breath all over me.. it wasnt v pleasant at all and I kept glaring at him willing him to turn his head through the power of my [apparently none] psychic ability. To top all this uncomfort off, one of my surrounding party started dropping bombs in the bus- every 5 minutes- and I'm telling you- this was NO friendly fire. It was horrible! I had my nose pressed up against the glass so desperately trying to reach the fresh air that I could almost see on the other side, but to no avail. This is how I was going to die.. Gassed to death on the Greyhound bus by falling bombs..

Finally the nasty smells stopped (that must have one unplesant cubicle to follow into at the service station!) and I was amused to witness the next incident in the life of the lesbians. One of them had a 7 year old daughter who was sat on the opposite aisle to themplaying her gameboy. At one point she was complaining about being hungry. Watching from behind I witnessed a spoon moving across the aisle followed by.. the largest jar of peanut butter I have ever seen!..  4 hours later this kid was STILL dipping her spoon into it.. It was making MY mouth dryer than Ghandis flip flop just looking at it!

I did however make a friend on this ride and all because I am still wearing my 'Buffalo Chip' wristband.. Buffalo chip is the campground we stayed in where we saw Aerosmith in my Sturgis trip and is renouned as a bit of a big deal to have been there. I [sadly] feel super cool since being in Sturgis and wanted people to know it so cant bear to take my wristband thing off.
I dont think it was meant to be worn this long though as it doesnt wear well.. the ink is wearing away and it actually now says 'Ruflaio Clip' (probably not as cool but hey..) this dude didnt notice and quite suprised (and clearly impressed) was like 'Oh wow, you been to the Buffalo Chip?!'(suprise cos I dont look like your average biker chick!), and with a grin and obvious pride I responded 'Yes. yes I have'.. I think he wanted to touch me a little bit but I flounced off in my air of 'cool', flashing a smile before nearly tripping up the steps of the bus (oh sooo coooool!).

All too soon I was changing buses (agaaaain!) and this ride would be the first of its kind.
On one side of the bus it was full of the usual everyday greyhound folk (toothless, twitchy and smelly- I do include myself in that too though thankfully I still have my teeth!), but on the opposite aisle it was like the bus had gone back in time to the 1800s as an Armish family were on board. The Armish look like they are stuck in a time warp. The women had bonnets on their heads and floor length coats and baskets and the men had dungarees and haircuts and beards that looked like someone had attacked them with garden shears. 
On my side people were tucking into burgers, sandwiches and [still] peanut butter(!?) and on the other they were delicately eating frankfurters wrapped in lettuce..erm ..yummy?!

I couldnt take my eyes off them, so intrigued by this odd existence! They got off at my stop and I watched them be greeted by more of their community who had come to whisk them off (probably on a horse and cart) and enjoyed watching their suitcases coming out of the hold- these tiny ones that look kind of varnished with little metal clasps like your gran would have once owned. I was enjoying watching them so much i didnt even notice my hosts there to greet me which must have seemed rude, but they understood my intrigue in good humour.

I met Sarah and Rich when we were all passengers together on the Tocorime in Brazil in February. They are parents to 3 boys of similar ages to me and one thing about Sarah- especially, is she is such a mum whether with her boys or not. In true 'Mum' style she had a banana and home made cookies in a litttle plastic bag for me incase I hadnt eaten (bless) for the hour long journey back to their beauitiful home on a Lake in Eau Claire.
On arriving at this gorgeous house, we were quickly out in the back, wrapped in blankets, drinking wine under the beautiful starlit night with the water lapping nearby, having great chats till the early hours.

Next morn Sarah suggested a bike ride. I was all up for it, but Sarah walked off to the lake.. Turns out we wer going biking on the lake with a bike that looked like it had skis under it!  It was cool! We then went for a drive round town to fix my incurable itch to see more Armish people.. It was like Armish safari as Sarah slowed down by known Armish 'hangouts' as I hung out the window , camera in hand trying to glimpse these strange creatures.. Sadly we saw none (word must of got round the Armish grapevine that the papparazzi was out) but I did see this most rural part of America that I hadnt witnessed at this stage. This tiny village has 600 inhabitants and all of them seem to live in homes hidden by trees, It really does feel like there is no one -anywhere!
Sarah assured me there were and that we would meet them later as I was to be her 'plus1' at a function she had been invited to- another wedding!!
Having gate crashed my 6th wedding in 2 weeks we left as the music started and found ourselves eating pizza and deep fried cheese (ohmygod, just when cheese couldnt get ANY better(or worse for my dairy intolerance!) they have started deep frying the stuff!) and went home dragging our stomachs on the floor.
Convinced I was leaving at 11am the next day, I just thought I would double check(I had missed my last bus so a bit paranoid) and it turns out my bus was at 8am! That meant up and out at 6! Once again, completely thrown I panic- packed (my bag does NOT respond well to this and is like a small tantruming child needing love and attention not pushing and shoving). By 2 I was in bed and by 4 awake and itching to go...

Boarded the grey day heading for Chicago with eyes that burned to blink just praying for some sleep, without playfighting lesbians, honky breathed seat partners and bombs.. thankfully, I got my wish..or maybe I didnt. The lesbians could have been jumping on my head smearing peanut butter in my eyes for all I knew as was just too asleep to notice!

Slideshow Report as Spam
Where I stayed
Sarah and Richs house
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