Rules of Engagement (with Swedish Subtitles)
Trip Start
Apr 18, 2007
1
39
54
Trip End
Ongoing
Västerås,
Sweden
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
It all started innocently enough: a few days ago Jonas and I were discussing my plans for Europe, when the subject of visas came up. I told him that I had spoken to a man at the beginning of my trip who believed that there might be a limit to how long I could stay in the E.U. perhaps just three to six months. Jonas, being an astute, rational fellow, was slightly alarmed by this and suggested that "it might be a good idea to find out." Jonas' concern jostled my remissive state of naiveté, so we sat down to a online search. After an embarrassingly short amount of time, Jonas presented his findings saying, "I think this is what you are interested in." It was a sight entitled "The Schengen Agreement."
Now, before I go any further, can I just say that the one thing that anguishes me most about traveling abroad is my automatic appointment as American diplomat and archetype, put forth upon this continent to challenge the stereotypes, assuage the anger, and mend the misgivings precipitated by our media and "moral" majority
With a twist
. To show them, hey not all of us are bad, hell, some of us even recycle and didn't vote for Bush. With this heavy job description, I often feel like I am far from the best candidate for the position, especially when the topic turns to history or world affairs, subjects that, in school, were viewed by me as synonymous with Nap Time 101. I would like, if I may, to be given official pardon from representing my fellow countrymen on these matters as I have an ignorance that far exceeds that of your typical loud-mouthed, money-lovin', gas-guzzlin', beer bellied, tooth-pickin', burger-eatin', bible-beatin', lasseau swingin', gun slingin', anthem singin', star-spangled, middle finger to the world, yippie-kai-yai-yay American. Case and point: in a recent interviewed with a Belgian I was asked: "What comes to your mind when you think of Brussels?" All that I could come up with was "...... sprouts?" and when he asked me for my thoughts on Brussels as the E.U. Capital my response was, "It is?!"Now, we could go into depth as to why these important matters fail to retain my interest; discuss at length my feelings of being overwhelmed by the endless problems of the world, my sense of helplessness to do anything, my suspicions concerning the media and analyze that repression and denial in the guise of apathy is likely an ego protection strategy and perhaps this is manifestation of a trauma in my oral phase, frustrated phallic envy or being placed into daycare too early. But this strays from the topic at hand. The point is, that when it came the "Schengen Agreement" I had NEVER heard of it
Aprophetic Music
.Anyone empathizing? For those of you who also elected to take Nap time 101 over Current World Affairs here's a little "refresher" nipped and tucked mostly from Wikipedia:
Before Schengen, citizens of western European countries could travel to neighbouring countries by showing their national ID card or passport at the border. Nationals of some countries were required to have separate visas for every country in Europe they wished to visit. A vast network of border posts existed around the continent which disrupted traffic and trade--causing delays and costs to both businesses and visitors.
Then came the 1985 Schengen Agreement which is an agreement among European states (Austria, Belgium, Denmark, Finland, France, Germany, Iceland, Italy, Greece, Luxembourg, Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, Spain and Sweden,) that allows for the abolition of systematic border controls between the participating countries. It also includes provisions on common policy on, the harmonization of external border controls, cross-border police co-operation and the temporary entry of persons (including the Schengen Visa).
Citizens of non-EU, non-EEA countries who wish to visit Europe as tourists, and who require a visa to enter the Schengen area, are simply required to get a common Schengen Visa from the Embassy/Consulate of the Schengen country they intend to visit first.
What it doesn't say here is that Americans need not apply, their Passport works as an automatic 90 day visa to all Schengen countries.
It was after reading such a document that the discordant harpsichord sounded and I cringed in horror as I realized I had overstayed my Visa and I WAS FUGITIVE!
I collapsed on the couch and launched into an accelerated Kübler-Ross Cycle:
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, denial..... Jonas calmly took control of the situation searched the web for solutions to my "crisis." I had barley gotten half way through my fourth cycle when Jonas patiently announced that he may have found something. Curiosity peaked, I jumped off the cycle and began to read over Jonas's shoulder. For a moment I thought the Schengen shock had rendered me illiterate until Jonas started translating the Swedish. He explained that he might be able to get me a Swedish Residents Permit that might rescue me from my fugitive status and restore me at last to the right side of the law. Our hope was that a Swedish Residents Permit would stop my Schengen clock from ticking, make my time here legal and, once again, give me a right, this time as a Swedish Resident, to travel freely within Schengen or at the very least, complicate the matter enough to frustrate Border Patrol Officers from taking further action. Our plan set, we decided to set out on our mission impossible as soon as possible.
A few days later, I met Jonas by the cities only "sky scraper" (more like a sky scratcher) in order to inquire at the immigration office about residents permit. This mission, as with any mission, was not without a sense of danger since my inquiries of them would initiate their inquiries of me which meant it was likely that the authorities would discover my fugitive status. Would they show mercy a criminal trying to come clean? Or would they give me the hard line and show me to the door to my embassy with their boot? I didn't wait long in immigration office to find out, once I had presented them my American passport and my Swedish sponsor, I was whisked into a private office and after the exchange of 1000 Swedish Crowns and a few questions (foreshadowing: perhaps it is here where things got lost in translation), my passport was returned to me with a fancy Swedish Residence Permit sticker complete with shiny Swedish seal.
As we walked exultantly out of the immigration office and prepared for our victory lap (Sandra & Jonas-1: Schengen-0) Jonas opened up the papers presented to me along with my residents permit and began to translate triumphantly: "You have traveled to Sweden on the 29th of June 2007 and now applied for a residents permit in order to extend your visit with...." he paused, eyes widening, then threw back his head in laughter. "What? What? Tell me what is says!" I demanded anxiously. "...in order to extend your visit with your..... FIANCÉ!" he blurted, as we both erupted in peals of laughter. We laughed there, out side the immigration office till our eyes wet with tears and Jonas was late for work, so I gave Jonas a hug of thanks and went on my merry way or shall I say "married" way home. ***aaaaand.....SCENE.*****
And that, boys and girls, is how it came to be that your haphazard heroin unwittingly became engaged, at least in the eyes of Swedish authority.
Little do they know, it is a union destined for failure considering my imminent departure to exploit the remainder of Schengen, compounded by his upcoming work placement in Shanghai, culminated by my indefinite return to the U.S.
All the same, its a comfort to know that, come tomorrow, should God announce, "Times up. Pencils down." I will have a check next to this major milestone.
