In the city
Trip Start
Sep 24, 2008
1
15
41
Trip End
Ongoing
Lima,
Peru
Saturday, December 27, 2008
When I consider the things that I desire from my experience here in South America, i donīt believe that I can find them in the city. The consistant ebe and flow of the city is attractive in the financial realm. I find innate desires that are within me that want to go out every night...meet new people and embrace a night life that I cannot afford. All I can think about is shedding this that makes me more American. I am so entertained by these thoughts that consumed me in Seattle, and yet I fight them all day long. I pick up literature to keep myself more than busy. They speak of experiences that I feel are so much more admirable than my meager attempt at a year spent in Spanish. I long for the selba once again. My tan will turn me another shade and I will be in the best shape of my life and yet these things are more than superficial which disgusts me with myself more than I can attempt to apply words. Santa Rosa was beautiful because none of these pressures existed to taunt me of life within the city...girls, bars, and the beach where my shorts are forever stained. A simple decision to buy more clothes makes me feel like Iīm choosing a lower road, just to fit in. I donīt want to fit in. I donīt want to be consumed by these things that I have decided that I want to change within myself. It is more than difficult, and yet it is only a short period of time between me and the next destination. Patience seems to be something that I need to gain, or more than patience maybe just simply turn off the consumer in me. Why is it that I find lifestyle at such high speeds so attractive...this is a better question, worth more examining than all others...read more. Own yourself Ryan...the things that are important are in front of you...open your eyes and heart to what is to come. Prepare for the future in the context of your sin and selfishness. Shedding the carcas that I brought with me will take more time...change is slow...but always requires attention to the details. I have everything that I need...quit thinking about what is there to have, temporal niceties will not serve my backpack in short time. Donīt be a tourist, quit trying to be some kind of a writer and simply live. Everything will come into sight as it needs to, no need to push it into existence.
Sunsets give me a kind of home away from everything else that surrounds me...the surf and the weather patterns here create designs only to the credit of a creator much higher than we. My home here is an organism in itself...the family that I have found is in the middle of its own small crisis. As we sit down for breakfast and dinner every day discussions lead themselves into what can be done about Nancyīs children. This will be the second home of my trip where the children feel they know better than their adult supervisors. Gino left his parents the same weekend of his graduation. The city has such a pull for the young of my generation here. Marcella and Claudia taunt their parents coming home after two in the morning on a regular basis. What do you say to a mother who asks your advice...I am twenty-six...yet when I went through this phase of my earlier existence, I was much worse. The girls donīt come home all twisted up...just simply after hours. Marcella at twenty has officially been asked to leave the homestead. My answer is that sometimes we as a younger generation have to learn on our own, parental advice seems out of context and not useful given the mindset of a young adult seeking a place in the world. The house is thus a bit quieter than a week ago.
All of the craziness around me grounds me in a way that is quite unexpected for me. Away from all of my own drama and everyday simple living, I can simply be a spectator. I love spectator sports. I find myself doing the same things everyday, the routine is easy, stressless and entertaining. Waking up I start with a cup of coffee and a run. This is followed by reading about a hundred pages, sometimes on a park bench, sometimes on the roof...music and meditation is also mixed into moments in between chapters.
Happy New year to all,
Cheers
Ryan
