CHAT UP LINES - ya gotta be kiding me!

Trip Start Feb 15, 2006
Trip End Feb 16, 2007

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Flag of Australia  ,
Thursday, October 19, 2006

Izzy (one of our house mates) is a school teacher, teaching Advanced English to foreign students. Tomorrow she plans to do a fun lesson on 'chat up' lines. I'm serious she has work sheets from real English text books for her students to work from. We laughed for a good hour while Izzy planed her lesson reading the 'chat up' lines - a few of which I am sorry to say have been used on me in the past! - I'm lovin the Santa one!

1 "What's your sign?"
2 "Pardon me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?"
3 "You must be a broom because you're sweeping me off my feet"
4 "Do you have a license because you're driving me crazy"
5 "I gotta thirst and baby you look like my Gatorade"
6 "Are you lost because heaven's a long way from here"
7 "Are you religious because you're the answer to my prayers"
8 "Can I take your picture; I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas"
9 "Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past again?"
10 "Well here I am; what are your other two wishes?"

There are 2 sheets; one which says the 'chat up' line along with an explanation of how it could be interpreted by the other person. Here are the best of them:

"I was wondering if you have a moment to spare for me to hit on you?"
This one is relatively original and seems innocent enough for her to take notice without feeling threatened by you. You'll also effectively send a message that you're interested in her but are more interested in making her smile.

"What's a sexy woman like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?"
A fairly underused line, this one conveys that you find her hot, without sounding offensive. Show her you can be a bad boy and see if she likes your direct approach with the ladies.

"Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn you were checking out my package!"
This one is fairly blunt (no pun intended) but it's the perfect one to use when you see a woman giving you the eye and well, checking your package. Since she may feel a bit uneasy, you should take the opportunity and strike up a conversation while you have the upper hand.

"I'm new in town and can't find my way around; could I have directions to your place?"
The line itself isn't that great, but city newcomers are always refreshing people to speak with, and they also seem less threatening. It's highly unlikely that she'll shrug off your request to chat and she'll probably laugh (if she has a sense of humour). The probability that she replies with a "where from" is even higher. Do not use if you are actually a local - (as if being a local is gonna stop some of the guys I know'!!!)

"I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you."
Believe it or not only good looking guys should use this one since they'll be viewed as modest. If a guy uses this and he is ugly, then it is a sign of insecurity which is a huge turn off. Generally this line passes because it proves that the guy is down-to-earth. It will surely throw her off guard as she might get offended. Use with caution.

"What's your name?"
Instead of saying something like "baby we're like two banks: we both have interest in each other and we should merge," this one is simple and will not insult her intelligence. It may be the oldest one in the book (well, 'do you come here often?' takes that award) but this one is genuine and direct - two important qualities.

"See my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I'm cute."
Extremely original, this line will make you stand out form the pack. This line virtually guarantees that she will smile. You may not leave with her that night, but you may get her phone number or at least chat it up for a while. - (I had this line used on me and no he didn't get me or my number but yes he did get a smile!!)

"Hey I was just thinking of you! Okay, I'm all cleaned up now though."
This line is fairly crude and implies that you have the stamina of a 12 year old, so it'll only tempt her to leave the room rather than leave with you! - 'SLAP' - erm wouldn't that be illegal!!! Enough said!!!

"How would you like your eggs for breakfast: scrambled, boiled or fertilized?"
This one may be funny, but it's also a tad presumptuous. Women generally dislike sexual references as well as men who assume they can conquer any women they meet. To add insult to injury, it alludes to pregnancy; not a smart move.

"What do you say we go back to my place and do some math? Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply!"
She may like the fact that you have a solid grasp of mathematics, but she will also assume you're the pocket protector-wearing type. And thanks to the pickup lines length, she will be history by the time you carry over the one. - (What is a 'pocket protector-wearing type? Answers on a post card please!!)

"You may as well sleep with me because I'm going to tell everybody we did it anyway."
This one is provocative and funny, but chances are it might garner you a slap in the face. On the other hand, she might counter it with 'you'd better tell them I was good' but don't count on it.

"Hey babe, do you know that my bedroom is sound proof?"
This one seems good at first, but it connotes that you will get some action that night. Again, pretty presumptuous. On a scarier note, it also implies that if you do get her to your places, she could scream for help and no one would hear. . .pass.

"Oh, I'm sorry; I thought that was a Braille name tag."
Okay so you know what Braille is . . . good for you, you may need it after she gouges your eyes out for insinuating that you could fondle her breasts without consequence. Generally speaking lines that could be used at porn conventions are of no use in mainstream settings. (Bet this one is used down town this weekend!!)

"Did you know women are like parking spots? All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped. Which are you?"
Mr. Sensitive, 'come on down!' Comparing women to cement on which cars are parked will not get you far, while implying that a women is handicapped if she's single is going to put you in A&E!!!!! - (Can you believe someone would actually use that!!)

"If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?"
Are you asking her whether or not she is a virgin? Why not ask her whether it's that time of the month while you're at it? Leave the references to her box and your tools out of the dialogue if you want to leave the bar in one piece!!!!

So if you are single boys go for your life but I won't be held responsible for any injured body parts or broken bones and remember you heard them here first!!!

Before I let you single guys succumb to a few black eyes and broken ribs here's a quick quiz for ya; see if you can match the chat up lines to the possible answers - best of luck!!!!!! Go get em tiger. . . .

1 Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
2 Would you like to join me?
3 Your face must turn a few heads
4 Can I kiss you?
5 What do you think of the music here?
6 I'd go to the end of the world for you
7 Could you give me your name please?
8 What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
9 I think I could make you very happy
10 How did you get to be so beautiful?

Possible Answers:
a Better than the company
b I don't think Amanda would suit you
c I must have been given your share
d No, it was just bad luck
e Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time
f Ok but mind you don't burn yourself on my cigarette
g Why are you falling apart?
h Why are you leaving?
i Yes, but would you stay there?
j Yours must turn a few stomachs

To be continued. . . . .
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