Which fine wine drinker are you?

Trip Start Dec 03, 2005
Trip End Jul 19, 2007

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Flag of Argentina  ,
Tuesday, November 14, 2006

OK, so on the most important day of the year and my 11 month anniversary for travelling I visited a few bodegas and sampled a few wines. Here I present to you, courtesy of The Grapevine, a questionnaire to determine what kind of wine drinker you are!

You doze off on the train and wake up to discover a wine bottle bag next to you, left behind by a fellow passenger. After a respectable few minutes waiting for the true owner to return, curiosity gets the better of you and you take a peek inside, You discover a bottle of Chateau Laffitte 1982. What do you do?

A You've tried this wine before and did not like it. Over-hyped and over-priced you remember. Still, you hope the owner returns as you once visted the winery and want to tell them all about it.

B Your eyes pop. This would look great in your cellar. You debate the moral implications of keeping it and quickly decide it would be pointless leaving it behind. You suddenly panic. Perhaps the owner has just gone to the bathroom.

C The name means nothing to you and you desperately search the back label for an indication of quality. It's in French which is a good start but it's a little old. You look for a sell by date. You wonder will it go with the leftover pizza you plan eating later.

D It's got an ugly label and is French. The ticket collector can have it.

E Look for a price label.

You are at a dinner party with friends. The host is talking about his recent trip to Argentina and how he bought a rare bottle of Achaval Ferrer Cabernet Sauvignon, and pulls it out to prove it.

A Your eyes widen with delight. You never knew Achaval Ferrer produced this varietal. You beg the owner to open it.

B You turn green with envy. This blasts your bottle into oblivion and you pray he doesn't open it. Your rival rubs more salt on the wound by describing a barrel tasting he did with the owner. You promise yourself you'll get to Argentina this winter.

C "Cut the fuss!" you say. "I'm dry, let's drink it".

D What a ridiculous price to pay for a bottle of wine you think. You recommend he keeps it for a special occasion.

E You sit in silence and have no idea what anybody's talking about.

You're watching a movie with friends. It's a restaurant scene between a man and woman, where the wine bottle label is clearly visible. Suddenly the woman throws a glass of it in the man's face and storms out. You:

A Think "that's exactly what I tought of that wine too!".

B "That's a bottle of $%&?«!" you tell your friends triumphantly, making a mental note to but a bottle for the next gathering.

C Become irritated at your friend's annoying habit of calling out labels while watching movies. Retaliate by lying and saying you°ve got a case of it in your cellar.

D Gasp at the price and muse that money doesn't grow on trees, it grows on vines. At least the wine-soaked hero gets to drink the complete boggle by himself.

E Wonder do your friends have a life.

F Remark beer does not stain.

You're driving the leafy avenues of wine country. Up ahead you see a broken down driver wave you down. He's large and friendly and is wearing hush puppies. It's Robert Parker Jr! What do you do?

A Pull up and scream with delight.

B Pull up and gasp for you camera.

C Wonder what wonderful wines has he got in his trunk and will he trade some for a ride.

D Contemplate running him over.

E Keep going. You don't know who you might pick up these days.

F Stop and ask directions to the local brewery.

Your partner goes to the video store and returns with the movie of Mondovino.

A You hug them and realise this is true love.

B Moan you've seen it 100 times before and what you really want to see is that Hungarian documentary about sweet wine.

C Become suspicious. Your partner is a beer drinker. Whay are they being so nice?

D Ask who is Mondovino. You try your hardest to enjoy it but grow bored after 15 minutes. Wonder is there any beer in the fridge.

E Gasp at Michael Rolland's earning power.

F Relive your fantasy about buying a Tuscan winery and calling yourself a Super Tuscan.

How did you score?

A - 50
B - 30
C - 10
D - 40
E - 20

A - 50
B - 40
C - 10
D - 20
E - 0

A - 50
B - 40
C - 30
D - 20
E - 10
F - 0

A - 50
B - 40
C - 20
D - 30
E - 10
F - 0

A - 50
B - 40
C - 10
D - 0
E - 20
F - 30


The Enthusiast (200 - 250)
You are passionate about the world of wine and make it your mission in life to search and buy wine to enjoy with family and friends. You're hungry to try every label that exists and if this requires travelling the world, then so be it. Nothing gets your juices going like a wine tour in the most exotic of places and your fndest memory is performing sword tricks on champagne bottles in South Africa.

You are most likely a woman in her mid-forties with a t-shirt that proclaims you as a "Wine Diva". You love to argue over a chardonnay and find the romance of corks irresistible - the popping noise gives you goose bumps. Nevertheless you're not afraid to tpit and criticize or swirl and admire as a wine demadns. Wine swilling sopranos command 12% of the market.

Do: Buy that vineyard.
Don't: Spend all your kid's inheritance on it.

The Image Seeker (150 - 199)
Predominately male and predatory, the Image Seeker has adventurous taste, a modern palate and a ruthless nose. You like your wines like you like your cars - big, shiney and red. Popping a cork on a fantastic label makes you feel like James Bond in overdrive - hot blooded and sophisticated. A good wine is not just to enjoy but also an opportunity to entertain your friends with your technical knowledge and impress girlfriends with your very large wallet. Price is only important if it appears too little. In your eyes the more the better, you want the best. Like a true hunter, you're always seeking something different, or the next big thing. You like rare labels and large formats. Five-litre bottles suit your ego. You hate pastel labels and sweet wines and are imtimidated by wine knowledgeable women. You control 20% of the market and are in your mid-thirties. Your favourite word is maloactic.

Do: Some volunteer work
Don't: Take viagra.

Traditionalist (100 - 149)
Some might call you a rightwing reactionary who hates anything new but you point out that your opposition to screwcaps and championing of corks is because the latter is environmentally friendly and supports sustainable forests. Also your support of French wine is based on the wish to help the small producer and cock a snook at the big corporate players. You're a label junky and addicted to the most prestigious wines. preferably ones with terroir expression. Your cellar reflects a desire for wines that age well and you have a special spreadsheet program on your computer to tell you exactly when a certain wine has peaked and should be drank immediately. When this happens an alarm bell rings over your bed. You hate Parker but read him avidly and you have a secret subscription to Wine Spectator. You collect dirt from every wine region and sometimes wear a band aid across you nose bridge to improve your sense of smell. Surprisingly you are not male. but female and control 14% of the market.

Do: Try to smile.
Don't: Spit anymore.

The Savvy Shopper (50 - 99)
You love good wine but even more so a good price. You've got a sharp nose for quality and value and the pleasure of finding a spectacular bargain is often more enjoyable than the wine itself. Big names are not important, though if you do come across a famous brand going cheap you'll snap it up. Hell you'll buy a box. Good wine is good wine, whether it comes in a jug or a Tetrapak. You cannot help collecting corks and will one day get around to making that cork noticeboard. Often you'll stop drinking a wine halfway through and keep the rest for the next day so you'll achieve double appreciation. You dread to see your favourite wine score more than 90 in Wine Spectator as it means the price will double. You always take a vacation in a wine producing country and travel with two empty suitcases with bottle foam dividers and one change of clothes. Your most prized possession is a set of crystal tulip wine galsses (the real deal). You divorced your husband when he accidentally smashed one. You are most likely 50, female and control 15% of the market.

Do: Marry that lovely man who owns a wine store.
Don't: Divorce him under any circumstances.

Overwhelmed (0 - 49)
A Friday night bottle with the girls was how you first got into wine and you haven't progressed much further. To you a nice chardonnay is better than therapy and wine with conversation is the best antidote to unfaithful boyfriends, cruel bosses and encroaching middleage. You know nothing about wine except you like it. You believe whatever a label or sales assistant tells you. You'd like to learn more but frankly cannot understand what the fuss is about. As far as you're concerned the best thing to do with wine is drink it. Wine nerds intimidate and annoy you. You are most likely a woman, 30 - 40 and control 23% of the market.

Do: Give up smoking.
Don't: Believe the label.

Beer Drinker (0)
You don't drink wine, don't care for wine, are overwhelmingly male, control none of the market and should not be in this article.

I turned out to be a Savvy Shopper and found all up to saving half the bottle for the next day to be true! I haven't reached 50, yet!
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