The Official LifeNets Blanket Ceremony
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Balaka,
Malawi
Thursday, June 21, 2007
This morning (Wednesday) was quite slow at the clinic. I finished my third book in two weeks. The first one I completed was 'The Husband' by Dean Koontz. I wouldn't recommend it. I purchased my copy in an airport bookstore. The location of purchase was fitting because this was your average 'take a trip' novel. By this I mean its purpose is to merely occupy the reader during travel and nothing more. The book can be summarized accordingly: Husbands wife kidnapped, the events leading to her recovery, her return home. The book could have easily been 100 pages shorter and still covered everything it needed to. It was predictable, repetitive, and rather uneventful. Like I said; it's a travel novel. I suppose it served its purpose.
The second book I read was a biography called 'Running with Scissors' by Augusten something or other. The book followed the demented childhood development of a young boy. I did not care for this book either. It was not what I expected it to be in a bad way. The disappointment inspired was short-lasting nonetheless because it read quickly.
On the way to the blanket ceremony I finished 'The Sun Also Rises' by Ernest Hemingway. This was a delightful tale of a group of French friends who travel to Pamplona for the bullfights. The book is well written and the relationship dynamics throughout the book are captivating.
Now I look to Tom Robbins for my next read. The book is called 'Jitterbug Perfume'. I'll let you know how that goes.
I'll get to the substance of the entry: today was the LifeNets Blanket Distribution Ceremony. There are two groups of orphans associated with the clinic. One group comes each Thursday to cook and learn, and is comprised of around 30 orphans and their caregivers. The other group is funded by LifeNets and doesn't visit the clinic each week. There are more orphans in this group.
The drive to the village took 20 minutes from Balaka. As we arrived, a throng of approximately 250 people surrounded the car and began singing. Upon exiting the car, I was immediately surrounded by singing visitors. They were welcoming us in song through a traditional Chichewa jingle. The spirited crowd finished its song and sat in a semi-circle enclosing a straight row of 12 chairs. The chief of the village welcomed us formally and Dr. C, Mrs. C, Aaron, Jenn, and I sat in 5 of the arranged chairs.
The ceremony commenced with a prayer given by one of the orphan caregivers. The chief then said a few words and yielded to Dr. C. His comments were in regard to health and proper use of the blankets. Then the distribution began. Dr. C called the orphans names, and Aaron, Jenn, and I handed the blankets to the orphans.
The orphans receiving the blankets were 5 years old and younger. Some were so small they could barely hold the blankets. They were all very happy to receive them. Once the final blanket was handed out, the chief thanked Dr. and Mrs. C and the ceremony was concluded with prayer. A parting song was offered by the grateful crowd. We said farewell to the chief and filed into the ambulance. The shouts of thanks and the multiple waving hands slowly disappeared behind us as we drove off.
It's now Thursday evening. Today went quickly for two reasons. The first being that all seven of the patients we consulted today were interesting cases. The second was because during another one of our mindless discussions we stumbled onto something purely genius. The brilliant concept was discovered during the discussion of extraordinary manly jobs.
Brainstorming a list of manly professions proved to be quite challenging. Nonetheless, we constructed a list and came up with the following man-jobs: lumberjack, matador, cage fighter, smoke jumper, sherpa, whaler, stunt man, assassin, welder, ditch/gravedigger, big-game hunting guide, coal miner, locomotive engineer, stone/brick mason, concrete contractor, mafia muscle man, aircraft mechanic, farmer/rancher, rodeo cowboy, high-rise construction worker, submarine machinist, and a roofer.
From here we decided to develop a system to determine and measure the level manliness in a job. We decided to rank on a 15 point system. There are 3 main components (5 points each). They would become known as the 3 D's of Man-Jobs and include:
Danger - This component measures how dangerous a job is. The more dangerous, the manlier! The ranking in this category is based on a scale from 1-5 and is given a number according to these descriptions: 1 - May incur minor injuries
2 - Incur frequent minor injuries and/or presents possibility of moderate injury
3 - Possibility of permanent injury / maiming / paralysis
4 - Potential for death (little or no suffering)
5 - Potential for horrible death and/or multiple ways of instantaneous death. Examples of horrible death can include but are not limited to: burning alive, drowning, being stabbed, suffocation, being partially crushed, et cetera.
Dirtiness - In this category each job is awarded a certain amount of points for each element it exposes one to. It is possible to receive up to 5 points in this category. 1 point if job causes sweat 1 point if job results in water-soluble dirt / grime on the body (ex. dirt, mud, sand) 1 point if job results in water-insoluble dirt / grime on the body (ex. grease) In the event that blood is present the job is awarded 2 points for the water-insoluble category. 1 point is honored if one of the aforementioned items is covering the man from head to toe.
Difficulty - This category is also out of 5 points. It is divided into 3 different sub-sections.
1.Skill (0-2 points)
0 points if the skills necessary to perform the job can be learned in less than 1 month
1 point if the skills necessary to perform the job can be learned in less than a year
2 points if the skills necessary to perform the job take more than a year to learn.
2.Strength (0-2 points)
0 points if job takes no physical strength/endurance
1 point if job requires moderate strength/endurance and/or spurts of intense strength
2 points if the job requires intense strength and endurance more often than not.
3.1 point is awarded for overly long shifts and excessive work shifts in a row.
The ranking system set into place, we proceeded to rank the perceived manly jobs to determine their true color. The matador and smoke jumper were found to be the manliest professions. They were followed closely by assassins, cage fighters, big-game hunting guides, and whalers. Here are the jobs we evaluated thus far.
Stay-at-home dad 4/15
Lumberjack &a mp;n bsp; 7/15
Tutor/Teacher ; ; 2/15
Roofer 8/15
Rodeo Cowboy 8/15
Male Nurse & amp; nbsp; 6/15
Poet &a mp;n bsp; &a mp;n bsp; 0/15
The ranking system isn't perfect, but it's awfully entertaining. Please, use this system freely. How manly is your job? Be honest. Use responsibly.
As you can see we have plenty of time. This mastermind man-system actually took a few hours to design.
I'll leave you on that note for the night. The journey is still unfolding. More to come.
