21.05.09 - NY to Cleveland

  Cleveland, Ohio, United States
Thursday, May 21, 2009

In many ways, day two was a microcosm of the USA and its culture, a fact that enabled us to learn a few lessons early doors.

Lesson 1 -   This place takes the meaning of 'fat' to a whole new level.  Within 2 hours of being on the road, outside of Wal Mart I saw the biggest person I'd ever seen in my entire life.  My vocabulary has yet to evolve to a level where I could adequately articulate how big this person was.

Lesson 2 -   This place is BIG (needs to be to accommodate those described in lesson 1)  It took us 5.5 hours (at 75 mph) to cross Pennsylvania - during which time the geography, rolling hills covered by dense forest (occasionally interrupted by a combination of KFC, Burger King and Taco Bell service stations), barely changed.

Lesson 3 -   Nobody walks anywhere in this place.  On arrival at our hotel in Cleveland, we were told that there was a complimentary shuttle bus that would take us anywhere in town.  They then offered to take us to a sports bar that the valet had recommended using aforementioned bus despite the fact that the bar was 4 minutes around the corner.  Furthermore, the irony of two people getting the lift down just one floor to go to the gym was so great that I was tempted to bottle it up and send it over to Alanis Morrissette with a note saying "F*ck your 10,000 spoons, get a load of this".

Lesson 4 -   This place has a strange relationship with food.  At the service station we attempted to procure something healthy for lunch, the best we could do was a chicken wrap with gargantuan fries at KFC, all washed down with a Dr Pepper in a 'cup' so big it had its own gravitational field. 
An early rise in Al and Jen's flat (thanks again guys, top notch hospitality!) allowed us to fit in at least one 'must do' in New York before we headed out onto the open road - coffee, bagels and cream cheese for breakfast whilst looking down Broadway from the 19th floor.  Great stuff.  Packed and ready, we got the subway to Penn Station then onto the overground train to Newark airport.  Despite our initial fears that, despite booking a Mustang, they'd only have a robin reliant, the nice Kenyan lady handed over the keys to the beast and we were ready to press on.

Top down, blazing sunshine and powering along the interstate, the journey truly began when, after 15 minutes p*ssing about with the ipod connector, 'Had Enough' by The Enemy came blaring out at full volume.  There was then just the small matter of 8 hours driving to do to get us through New Jersey and Pennsylvania into Ohio.  We needed something to amuse ourselves so commenced a game of 'spot the number plate' in an attempt to see how many states we could collect over the course of the journey (all US number plates have their state written on them).   The day one collection suggested this might not have too much mileage as a form of sustained entertainment - 24 in total plus a couple of Canadian states.  Sod's law dictates that we'll collect 49 by the end of day two and then never find that elusive final one which, logic dictates, will be Hawaii. 
Lunch (see previous slating of KFC) was refuel and changeover time.  So I took the wheel for the second leg and, after hours of clear driving when Greg was skipper, we hit traffic jams almost immediately.  However, the frustration was alleviated upon discovery of satellite radio station '80s on 8' - I can't quite describe the level of satisfaction I was experiencing behind the wheel of a new Mustang convertible whilst 'Rock me Amadeus' by Falco was pumping out of the speakers.  Indeed, the ipod was deemed to be redundant and '80s on 8' is now providing the soundtrack to our journey.

Smith at the wheel

 

Open Road - PA

Arrival in Cleveland was actually fairly easy to navigate and we got to the hotel without any major issues - although I nearly pronged the Mustang whilst attempting to reverse park (it's been a while).  A quick swim and shower revealed the full extent of the dangers of a convertible car - despite using factor 50 sun lotion we'd still managed to obtain ludicrous T-shirt tans, especially Greg whose right arm looked like I'd tried to colour it in with red marker pen.  The sports bars near our hotel were extremely thin on clientele so we eventually found a place (The Cleveland Chophouse Brewery) in the 'Warehouse' district that was recommended by the guide book for their home brewed beers.  American Pale Ale number one didn't even touch the sides and the second offered little resistance either.  However things slowed a little when our food arrived - we'd ordered a starter to share and a steak with side salad for mains.  This turned out to be enough to feed at least 4 people.  Such was the lack of portion control that we were served our salads separate from our mains along with a complimentary cornbread - after which we were already struggling big time.  The mains were a joke and completely violated the generally sensible rule of not trying to eat a meal that is clearly at least 4 times bigger than your stomach.  Having seen off about half, conversation nosedived to zero - at which point we knew it was game over.  After waddling back to the hotel like a couple of pregnant women it was straight to bed.  Greg was so done in that he fell asleep trying to turn the TV on with the remote - a poor attempt.

Dinner Time

Day Two Stats:
Mileage - 455
State registration plates seen - 23
States visited - New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Ohio