Carry On up the Khyber Doctor
Trip Start
Sep 19, 2002
1
114
129
Trip End
Sep 22, 2003
Chowringhee, Calcutta,
India
Saturday, August 2, 2003
26th July (cont) - Our new room (with the one eyed manager) is better than the first but still far from okay. We don't have mice this time, just a large gecko who poos everywhere. The shower is more of a high tap so we are still using the bucket method - can't wait to have a proper shower again!
27th July - Sunday in Calcutta is the feeding of the poor (probably millions) but we missed that however we did see the rubbish left afterwards. The streets are disgusting with all sorts of filth floating about because the mens public toilet on the street flows straight into the gutter. The poor of course have no other toilet at all. We walked round to the Indian museum and paid a whopping 150r to get in while the Indians pay only 10. It was heaving with people but hardly any non-Indian as Sunday is a real family day when they go out and do things together (didn't we use to have those in England too??!!)
The museum was in a beautiful old colonial building with a well kept grass area and it seemed to be one of the few buildings not completely run down. Quite a lot of the areas were "under renovation" and therefore closed and we considered asking for some of our money back but the rest of the museum was okay if a little dated. I didn't feel 100% so we rested in the room for a while and then ventured out again in the afternoon.
Our afternoon's excursion was to the Victoria Memorial which is a huge and stunning white cathedral like building built at the turn of the 20th century for Queen Vic (although she never visited Calcutta). Again the grounds and lakes were well kept and we saw our first rubbish bins (they don't even have them in the hotel rooms!) A lot of the building was out of bounds and again it was 150r / 10r to get in and again it was heaving with Indians. The museum inside relates the Indian version of British rule which was obviously very important in the history of Calcutta. Calcutta was the British capital and prospered the most under British rule but also suffered the most when they left. The only thing spoiling the museum are the overflowing spitoons in the outside stairwells where people have missed and there are red splashes over the floors and walls. There is a sign inside that says no betle chewing and spitting but at least they adhere to this in the marbled floorways. We managed to take a couple of shots in between the deluges of rain and then our taxi fought through the mad traffic and we shut ourselves away again in the room - we are still acclimatising to the chaos of Calcutta. That night we managed to find a restaurant with air conditioning and a waiter who wasn't wearing a grubby te-shirt!
28th July - Woke up feeling very sick and with pains in my stomach. I wanted to try and get up and move around so I went for a spot of retail therapy. I wanted to buy a salwar cameez which is the pants and tunic set with a scarf that the Indian women wear. I found a beautiful outfit but suspected (as usual) that the trousers would be too long so I went to try it on. While I was half dressed, the salesman decided he would like to help me and came in to do my zip up on the trousers. He then proceeded to rub his hands all over my ample Western behind and front to check for fitting. I must have been ill because I didn't slap him but decided it was best not to try anything else on. I forced down a few chips as I really couldn't face anything Indian and then rested some more. Pip was getting a cold so he needed to rest too.
In the afternoon we caught a taxi over to Mother Teresa's mission and were led up the alley by a little boy so we gave him a few rupees. I must be going soft because I gave a little girl my mints in the morning (cos I couldn't get the packet open myself...) We went into a courtyard area that led to a room like a Sunday school classroom with handmade posters around the walls telling about Mother's life. In the middle of the room was a large white simple tomb with a short inscription and people were sat very close praying. A little boy of about 4 was crossing himself vigourously and praying for ages and I wondered that such a small person could find so much to pray about.
29th July - Woke feeling really awful. I knew something was quite wrong by now as I was very thirsty and drinking loads but producing nothing. I tried oral rehydration salts and Pip went out for more water and to check on the doctor situation. By the afternoon I was feeling worse and I felt quite hot and very dizzy so Pip managed to get the doctor to come out. He roughly examined me and told me I had gastro entiritus and that I needed to go to the clinic. I managed to get some shoes on and we were out of the door and in a taxi before I realised what was going on. As we started to move there was a frenzied yelping from under the car. Two dogs had been sleeping under the taxi and we had managed to roll on to one.
The clinic was a private nursing home and I waited in the dark and dingy seating area while Pip checked me in. I did not like the look of this one bit. The ward contained 2 beds haphazardly in the room. One was covered with a filthy plastic tarpaulin and had a broken leg at the head end making it tilt. My bed had a filthy crumpled sheet and pillow but no covers. I suddenly had to rush to the bathroom. When I had finished my, er, stuff, I realised there was no toilet paper. Then in a Dumb and Dumber moment, the flush would not work and I had to chuck lots of water down the toilet from the bucket. Suddenly I wanted very much to go home.
They did a few basic tests and I was pleased to learn that I had lost 2 kilos. They took my temperature and it read 102.2 and I realised that yes I was actually very sick. I was so severly dehydrated that they put me on a drip and Pip was very careful to watch they used sterile needles etc although their hands were grubby and their uniforms were stained and ripped. The walls were stained with who knows what and there were cockroaches and ants in the bathroom. The windows had no glass so that the mozzies had somewhere to come and feast too. They chucked all the waste (syringes, wrappers, newspapers, old medicines, body parts? etc) into the bowl under the bed which someone would come and empty now and then. There was no medical waste, no bin bags, no protection for the cleaners from needles etc, no confidential waste and it all probably just gets thrown onto the streets like all the other rubbish. If this was the private hospital what would the government ones be like? The fees were expensive by Indian standards and it really makes me wonder with all the other poor sanitation and hygeine etc that the population is so huge!
Pip went to get me a few bits (like toilet paper) and left me with the nurse. I soon found out that this wasn't a nurse at all but a watcher. We will call her Candy like the volunteer visitors called candy stripers from the USA, cos I don't know her Indian name. Candy stayed with me every minute of every hour just watching. If I reached up to scratch my head, she would scratch it for me etc etc etc. She rubbed me, played with my hair, poked me, and stood very close and stared. Her useful attributes were checking my drip which never ran right and she had to pump it which really hurt my hand. She also took me to the toilet and flushed it for me afterwards. Yuk! I tried to sleep but she kept playing with my hair or feeding me water with a spoon. Unfortunately she did not speak a word if English so it was a very strange situation. I was very glad to see Pip back again even if he was red nosed and bleary eyed (bless). He had to spend most of the afternoon rushing around paying for medication and going to other hospitals for something or other so I didn't actually see him that much. I saw a few doctors who all asked what was wrong - I DON'T KNOW I AM NOT MEDICALLY TRAINED!!!! Bizarrely they all used mobile phones in the hospital and I hoped no-one was on a life support machine or similar. Eventually Candy 1 went away but asked for money first so we gave her 50r. She was replaced by another Candy who also spoke no English and we had to supply her with soap so that at least she could wash her hands. This was because they had been through the bag Pip brought and found the wash bag which had a few hotel soaps in it.
So around 7.30pm they made Pip leave and at 8pm brought some food. Curry this that and the other. I took one bite, gagged and pushed it away which brought a round of Hindi garble from Candy who looked very dissaproving. I decided to get some sleep as I was exhausted but she wanted to plait my hair and investigate my toes. Eventually I managed to get her to turn off the light but for the rest of the evening various people came in a switched it on again and poked me. Most of them didn't even seem to have a medical reason, I think I had just become the hospital curiosity. Candy also sang most of the evening. The original doctor also came in and mentioned something about an ultrasound scan which sounded a bit serious. Again I tried to sleep but it's very hard with someone standing by your bed watching you but eventually Candy pulled out a little table from under the bed and fell asleep on that herself. Of course when I needed to go to the toilet I had to wake her and this was quite an effort so I was glad I didn't collapse in the night!
30th July - Woke up at 6am for another pit stop but Candy thought this meant I was ready to start the day and tried to get me to do my teeth. I pantomimed that I was still sleeping but eventually gave up and let her take me to the bathroom again. I reached up to my hair and discovered that at some point during the night she had put an elastic band in it - aarrrggghhh!!!! NEVER put elastic bands in your hair - they pull your hair out! Candy 2 was relieved by Candy 1 and the whole touching staring thing began again and I was starting to get fed up which was a good sign that I was on the mend. I wasn't allowed any water (which I desperately wanted) or food (which I desperately did not want) because of something to do with the blood test. Considering the British only left 60 years ago and English is supposed to be very common in the cities, there was a hell of a communication problem and this only made me feel more scared and frustrated. I was so glad to see my lovely hubby who I missed terribly in the night. We've spent virtually every minute with each other for the last 10 months and I didn't want anyone else playing with my hair but him. A doctors assistant turned up to take me for the ultrasound but neglected to tell me that it again was at another hospital so I went downstairs in my PJ shorts and he expected me to go in the street like that! We got to the ultrasound place and it felt good to be off the drip which was painful. I had a chest x-ray too and I started to think this was all part of an elaborate scam to get as much money out of us as possible. At one point I desperately needed to go to the toilet but the assistant wouldn't let me because the ultra sound needs urine pressure. An argument ensued which culminated in me shouting "I've got dihorrhea. If I need to go I will just go!!!"
Back in the dirty hospital and back on the painful drip and it's time for Pip to leave again as the visiting hours are really short. Just after he left they did something to the drip that caused me so much pain that I just cried. At that point I really wanted to go home and I had definitely had enough of being poked around and stared at. I tried to sleep for some of the afternoon but It's hard when someone is slapping your head brushing your hair from you face. A doctor visited and I told him how well I was and that I was ready to leave now thank you. "We will decide when you leave. Just co-operate with the staff. These things can take 3-5 days" he replied and again I wanted to cry but I was being WATCHED still!!!!! Later on, Pip came back having collected my blood tests and the cold had gone to his chest. I was now getting a sore throat and knew I was in the for the cold as well. Great, kick a girl when she is down. I was so unhappy that Pip waited for the other doctor with me but he didn't come and they tried to kick him out again as visiting hours were over. He went to the reception and kicked up a fuss so that the doctor came out. He said I could go home the next day at 8am (hurrah) and when prompted, said that I didn't need anyone else with me (double hurrah). He shooed everyone out but Candy stayed (it's Candy 2 again now the night shift). We tried to mime her leaving but she didn't get it and I was getting annoyed. Pip checked with the doctor again and he said he would send someone in. Pip then left for the evening knowing that I was coming out and I felt much better.
Here's where the fun starts.
It's 9.30pm and I'm desperately trying to get her to leave but she's just nodding and speaking gently in Hindi. She started to rub my legs and I asked her 4 times using different gestures to stop and eventually moved her hands with my hands. She sat on the bed watching me while I wrote my diary and was so close that I nearly gave her a paper cut when I turned the pages. I kept trying to get her to go and eventually realised that sister was the same in English as Hindi and she went to get the nurse who spoke pidgin English (but had a bad speech impediment). Time moved on and I couldn't keep my eyes open and wanted so badly to sleep but sister wouldn't come and I couldn't get her as I was trapped in bed. I was getting very close to breaking point but managed to get her to turn off the light and close the curtains etc. Because of the layout of the room you are completely dependent on others as you have no side table or table over your bed so if you want a drink they have to hand it to you each time you want a sip. I was right at the end of my patience (scuse the pun) with all this as I am not a baby and do not need to be treated like one (only my Pip). My gestures got bigger as I got more and more frustrated and all the time she just smiled and nodded. She started pulling out her little table for her bed and I managed to get across that I wanted her to sleep outside and not in here, I thought. She went outside and closed the door and I turned over and wept. I felt a presence in the room and sure enough when I turned back she was there right by my arm - staring.
Okay, so I lost it. I said gently "what are you doing?" then flipped completely and leapt from the bed chasing her so she switched on the lights and ran out of the door. She started screaming for the sister and all her watcher-person friends came rushing towards the door. They all looked quite frightened - maybe I had inadvertently assumed the Charlie's Angel's ass kicking pose? I threw her shoes at her and tried to turn the lights off but didn't know what switch. One of her colleagues gingerly stepped in and helped me and I closed the door and got into bed. Within seconds the light was on again and the sister was there asking what happened.
"The doctor said I could left alone and she won't leave. I just want to go to sleep but she is playing with my hair, rubbing me, singing, poking mu feet, the light is on then it's off and other people are coming in and out and I just want to sleep! I don't need any help and I can go to the toilet by myself! It's 11.15 and I just want to sleep!"
She started shouting at Candy, particularly as they are not allowed to sit on the beds, and they all left and the light was switched off but the door was left ajar. I settled down thinking now how funny this all was and how the drip had almost been knocked over in my fight to get them all out. It was not over though, as I thought, and I saw a face peer round the door. Okay I am now in a Carry On film I thought as it has reached such farsical proportions. I jumped up again and went to shut the door but this brought another round of screaming and the nurse rushed in again. I explained that I was just closing the door as they kept looking in and the light was disturbing me and I knew they meant well. I got close to her face and said "It's very difficult to sleep when someone is like this" and I stared hard at her and we both laughed.
Of course I was wide awake by now even though I had what I wanted. I kept looking up to see if anyone was there and even checked under the pillows. About half an hour later someone peered in. Another half an hour later they looked again. On the third she came to check the drip and sat for a while till it ran out. It's now 3am and I'm not happy and she's indicates she wants to sleep next to me but I say "bye bye" and wave her out. She took her little table this time so I knew I had gotten through at last.
31st July - 6am and the whole comedy starts again. I have to really shove her to wake her from outside my door so that I can use the bathroom but again I want to go back to sleep. She's brought her table in so I have to be very strong and wave her away again. After a few minutes I heard rustling but couldn't see anything but then the door opened and she popped up - SHE'D BEEN HIDING DOWN THE SIDE OF THE BED!!!!!!! I got up at this point as I was too excited about leaving and I knew I wasn't going to get any sleep.
At 8am Pip burst through the door like Sir Galahad to rescue me from this insanity but of course there was no doctor to sign me out. He knew something had ticked me off because I kept saying "Don't leave me! Just get me out of here!" He had to kick up quite a fuss to try and get me out I can tell you. Candy 2 and Candy 1 were on their shift change and I indicated to 1 that I was going home. Of course that means she won't get paid and she put her hands out for some money. This was really the last straw after the last 48 hrs and I shouted no and pointed out of the door and they both ran out. They both tried to creep back to fiddle with my drip but I wasn't having any of that. Finally Pip managed to get the doctor on the phone to tell the nurse to let me go and they took the drip out of my arm and we dashed off before anything else could happen.
We are now in a much nicer room with air con and HOT WATER and a decent TV so I am getting lots of rest. Pip has been amazing despite his cold (which he gave me cos he loves me) and I wonder what on earth I would have done without him. We're wuite mature and sensible and experienced now but how do the gap year people cope especially when they are travelling alone with no-one to collect clothing and samples and pay fees?
It's now Saturday morning (Aug 2nd) and in our first week we've been shut in a lift, I've had an accident in a rickshaw, we've run over two dogs, had mice, both had colds, I was groped, and ended up on a drip being tortured with kindness. However, we are sticking with it and as soon as I am able to travel we will be moving on within India.
I am now going for a lie down and I think you should too.
