Dodgiest experience?
Trip Start
Sep 08, 2002
1
3
10
Trip End
Mar 01, 2006
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Port Harcourt,
Nigeria
Wednesday, December 10, 2003
I was in Nigeria for business, in the city of Port Harcourt, Rivers State. Had to buy myself pants and socks, so I got on the car with one resident colleague and our Nigerian driver, Tony. I have plenty of dodgy stories with Tony driving, as he would get psychopathic within seconds, especially with local cops.
That was one of my first days in Port Harcourt, I explained Tony I wanted some clothes. He enquired if I wanted to go to the secure-for-foreigners supermarket, or to the regular market... Of course, I asked if the regular market was ok. The answer was not that clear, but I told him that he could take me: I trusted him, as he was responsible for me... never said something so stupid everafter
So we got to the market: imagine an african street. Buildings on the left for 1km. The market on the right, for 1km, and with an undefinite width. There we go by car, with Tony driving, which means people having to dodge the car.
No place to park, so Tony moans something and stops to the side, right in the middle of the 1km long street.
We get off the car. I hear some yelling and agitation. The crown gives way to 3 local policemen.
What happens next is within seconds:
The most excited cop approaches, yelling at Tony: doesn't have white at all in his eyes. Ok the classic drunk+ stoned = agressive + paranoiac. That's Tony's business, and I better shut up, so I just wait with my colleague, 1m from the car. That's the first second.
Tony gets in the car and slams the door shut. That's a big adrenaline rush, and the brains starts to go real fast. Two options: get back in the car, and possibly get shot, caus these guys were not kidding, machine guns in hands. Or wait and see, staying away from anything stupid that Tony might do. That's the second second
Tony starts the car, going for a U-turn. One of the cops stands in front of the car, while another one starts destroying the driver-side rear-view mirror by hitting it with his machine gun. At this point, obviously both parties were getting very upset, and that's the moment I realised I was standing there with my colleague, two white guys in the middle of a crowd of several thousands, the 2 exits from the market being 500m away. That's the third second
Tony makes his turn anyway. The cop standing in front of the car gets over the car, falling on the side. And Tony drives away. Now for those who do not know Subsaharian Africa, one thing is absolutely sure: if Tony had injured anybody any bit with his car, we would have been beaten off until someone came, within minutes, to put a tire around our body, splash us with gasoline and set fire with hundreds looking and yelling for you to die... For having heard this story too many times from direct witnesses, I wish I'll never see that myself, and I even more badly do not want it happening to me. But then, on the moment, you just feel the danger, and think about all of that in a very rational manner.We're up to 5-6 seconds since the begining
Then Tony stops 10m away for us to get on the car. The cops rush for him. So he leaves. And I mean, he leaves ! And we are still in the middle of the crowd, everyone staring at us, of course.
In his aborted rush, the stoned cop turns his attention back to us and walks towards us with a rod in the hand, above his head, going for a good beat-up. Fortunately, yet unforseenably, his colleagues stopped him and they all went away in a hurry, calling reinforcements to catch Tony.
Then we were some 10-15 seconds after it had all started, and we cooled down, assessed the situation: the crowd went back to their occupations, and we called on the radio (!) for someone to come and get us. We waited for more than half an hour, the first few minutes being a little bit scary, as all the children would be pointo,g their fingers and shouting "owibo! owibo!" to us. That's equivalent to shouting "niggers" in the reverse situation. But then it was only the kids, so we were ok, and the people there minded their business, not even trying to get anything from us. We did not try any further contact by ourselvesn though, as we had had our share of emotions for the day.
I eventually made my shopping in this same market, and got the end of the story: Tony had gone to hide, and he had sent the military guards to beat up the policemen and make them pay for the damage to the car. Normal situation, as they say...
It is fortunate that in these moments of danger, the brain inhibits fear and runs at xxxGHz. Still, even though I was analysing and behaving accordingly throughout the adventure, I realize I was competely helpless, and that's the most difficult thing to cope with, when you think about it afterwards.
Another day, immigration officials wanted to take me to jail, for my visa was somehow crappy to them. Got real close, but otherwise I'm pretty sure that the Nigerian jail would have gone in this entry... brrrr
