One year in Ukraine!

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  Sokal, Ukraine
Monday, October 3, 2005

One year in Ukraine! I can't stop being amazed about how my job as a Peace Corps Volunteer has evolved. Ukraine and I are both different after this year. When I came last fall, I was nervous about what my job would entail here. I dreamed of changing people's lives, but didn't know how. And this month, I'm only starting to see the sparks of what I am accomplishing here by being a PCV.

Last fall, I was so overwhelmed by my adjustment to the new culture. I was desperate to understand Ukraine, and impatient (after almost two years of applying and training for Peace Corps) to find out where I would finally end up! However, as a Peace Corps Volunteer, you have to be really patient. First to apply, to go, and then understand your country before you can help anybody (and this takes quite some time when you are learning a knew alphabet, language, job, community and way-of-life). While I was waiting, I learned that you don't have to be a PCV to make a difference in the world. Sometimes I think I helped just as many people working at Starbucks.

Now, after 9 months in Sokal, the waiting period for Peace Corps feels long ago. People are talking about the Orange Revolution (which happened after I arrived) as history. Babies are being born that weren't even thoughts when I came. Feelings of tension between my colleagues, school directors and I have come and gone. The occasional anxiety of feeling alone or failure is gone. American visitors have come. I feel far away from the day I arrived, America and Americans, and even far from the Peace Corps Office in Kyiv. But I realize that these feelings are the success of Peace Corps in Ukraine- I am adjusting and learning to help on my own, and thriving in my unique volunteer service here.

I woke up Friday, flipped my faucet and got no water. No problem. I grinned and reached for my spare bottle under the sink. Water doesn't matter anymore- all that mattered was Teacher's Day! It was wonderful to hug my kids in the hallways, to sit next to my coordinator at the table (frighteningly full of alcohol and food), to feel calmness about understanding (or not understanding) what was being said, to laugh when I pretended to lip sync to the Ukrainian songs, and to make a toast in front of our entire school (albeit grammatically incorrect) to world friendship! The only thing preventing it from being utopia was watching droplets of water spatter on the kids performing songs for us, and the uncomfortable silence that filled the room when an older teacher had a heart attack and was whisked away in an ambulance.

The more I learn here, the more I understand what is really important to my volunteer work. Peace Corps isn't about whether my official students speak better English or want to study in America. It's ok if other teachers don't like everything that makes me who I am as an American guest working in their school. I don't need long-term tangible results. Being a PCV is about not getting caught in the "rat race." I joined Peace Corps because I didn't want to have a normal American life.

However, when I first came to Ukraine, I had to spend time understanding normal Ukrainian existence before I could start thinking critically. For example, I had to learn to always keep lots of extra bottles filled with water under every sink, so I could arrive to school feeling clean and confident. Otherwise, I couldn't help them dream about how they could have first-aid training, repair their leaky roof, or get a xerox machine. In short, I had to understand and fall in LOVE with Ukraine before my volunteer work really started. And despite my hesitations a year ago (as I faced revolution, new language, culture, and winter), I have fallen in love with her.

I love Ukrainians- from the ladies yelling at me to buy dill and the Jehovas who knock at my door every week, to the drunk old men who laughed "HARBOOOZ!" at me when I practically killed myself carrying a giant pumpkin from the bazaar (apparently it is a village tradition to refuse a marriage proposal by giving the man a big pumpkin). I laugh with them too, and listen to their feelings of stuckness, their pessimism, their uncertainties about their president, their desires to travel abroad, their complaints about work and salaries, and their general confusion about how to achieve life happiness. BUT WAIT A MINUTE... isn't it the same story I hear from all my friends in the world?

Part of the learning experience for me is realizing that people are the same everywhere. We like to hold on to dreams that will make us happier... if only I could lose ... pounds, if I could just buy a new..., if I had more time, or, as so many Ukrainians tell me, "if only I could travel and live in America!" Actually I've heard a lot of Americans talk that way about moving to New Zealand or someplace when they get frustrated. But come on... change won't necessarily help anything in the world. Life isn't perfect anywhere, and we are the only people who can make the choice to pursue our happiness. Most people here don't even try though. Communism killed creative thinking, and disorganization and poverty makes it difficult to revive it. The world is at our fingertips no matter who you are, but sometimes I feel like getting Ukrainians to start "STEP 1: DREAM, HOPE, IMAGINE" is like pulling their teeth out.

But now I see why it is so beneficial for towns like my Sokal to have people like me. I am a 24-7 PCV who never knows when I'll be called upon to encourage and foster new ways thinking. Sometimes I am just increasing basic awareness, for example explaining that England and America are different countries (hey don't laugh because I used to think Russia and Ukraine were the same too). It can be depressing and exhausting being a servant leader- listening to story after story. Feeling the harsh attention and judgement of my students and community.

However, one thing makes everything different lately. The BIG visions I am starting to see for Sokal, and Ukraine. My desire to help achieve world peace one person at a time. I see each conversation and class as a little seed I can plant in Ukraine- and the world. Sometimes I hate the feeling of being alone, but being one of the only foreigners means people are fascinated by me. They stare, laugh (HARBOOZ), listen, and it's tremendous responsibility everyday, but in the end, I think Sokal and I will both be better for it. I waited almost two years to become a Peace Corps volunteer, and for the first year, I couldn't focus on the spirit that brought me here originally. One year in Ukraine, and I have adjusted enough to the culture to remember my creativity and idealism, but I refuse to adjust so much that I'll lose it.

I want to plan a regional teacher's training with other PCV's. I want to see our roof repaired. I want my scholar friend Lena to win a full bright for graduate study in America. I want my business English students to run their own business in the community. I want my coordinator to come to America. I want to help open a teacher's center with a xerox machine and computer, and start training them so they won't be scared to use machines. I want Sokal to try becoming part of Eisenhower's "Sister Cities" program. I want to help Americans understand Ukraine and Peace Corps. I am excited to come home for Christmas and am dreaming of how I can help reach my goals while I am in the US.

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